IB @ PLC (original) (raw)

Despite my constant urgings breakfastserial has not posted on this community. I therefore copy the IB Class of 2005's Literary Smackdown, and link to the original.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/breakfastserial/35134.html

Patrick White VS Sophocles: Round 1: FIGHT
White ambles towards Sophocles with a convoluted plot and a terminally boring setting. Sophocles aims low with a protagonist who is insufferably full of himself, as well as some greek gods. White tried to defend himself with some barely decipherable sexual references, but Sophocles' fine use of incest and eye-stabbing make it no contest. Sophocles advances to ROUND TWO.

Sophocles VS Henrik Ibsen: Round 2: FIGHT
Sophocles tries a clever move involving having sex with one's own mother, but Ibsen deflects, using some downright weird nicknames that probably reference a sexual depravity Oedipus can only dream of. Ibsen finishes off with some excellently hidden insights about society and macaroons, against which Sophocles cannot defend himself, which puts Ibsen in ROUND THREE.

Henrick Ibsen VS Edith Wharton: Round 3: FIGHT
Wharton, a fan favourite, gets off to a poor start thanks to her failure to grasp the concept of SUBTLE irony. Ibsen tries to take advantage of this by injecting some ethical relativity, and overall coolness. Wharton recovers well, attempting to suffocate Ibsen beneath her cultural and literary references, although it works far better to constantly refer to the evils of conformity. The two seem evenly matched, resulting in a tie, until the crowd votes that Edith advance to ROUND FOUR.

Edith Wharton VS Albert Camus: Round 4: FIGHT
The depth of Camus' narrative and existential philosophy pose a threat to Edith's already shaky position. She hits back fiercly, forcing Camus to internally angst about Form and Style and Taste, distracting him while she puts in some hasty time jumps in her last two chapters. Camus, however, clocks her over the head with his extremely moving depiction of death and sickness, coupled with realistic and diverse character reactions. Edith dies of the bubonic plague. Camus strolls mildly to ROUND FIVE.

Albert Camus VS Isabelle Allende: Round 5: FIGHT
Allende starts what promises to be a vicious catfight with an instantly engaging plot and some wicked cool magic realism. Although the homosexual subtext between Rieux and Tarrou keeps Camus in the ring, Allende fights dirrty, enlisting the aid of clairvoyants, communists, whores, rapists, alcoholics, torturers and nymphomaniacs. The fine prose of Albert Camus crumples against the massive appeal of reading about some jolly naughty things. Ew? We think not. Allende's in ROUND SIX.

Isabelle Allende VS Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Round 6: FIGHT
All the sexual deviance in the world can't help Allende win this one - Marquez lashes out with awesome imagery about guts spilling everywhere, as well as some morbidly fascinating quirks of fate. Isabelle recovers enough to throw some illegitimate children and guerilla fighters in Marquez' direction. He deflects with a cleverly crafted reporter style, irony, and don't forget Victoria Guzman. Things reach a standstill until he throws in some details about urinary tract infections. We can't put the book down. Marquez advances to THE FINAL.

FINAL ROUND OF THE IB SL ENGLISH SMACKDOWN: Marquez VS Shakespeare: FIGHT!
The sheer volume of Shakespeare's works threaten to crush Marquez. Some cool references to social hypocrisy and communal culpability for honour killings spur Marquez into a decisive attack. As he's about to deliver the final blow, The Bard cleverly gives him an Oedipus complex, coupled with a total inability to take decisive action about anything. Stalled for at least the next five acts, and doomed to 8 soliloquays and 4 murders, Marquez is totally immobilised. The Bard makes some convoluted speeches, then poisons and stabs Marquez.

THE BARD WINS THE LITERARY SMACKDOWN.