Tribute To A Life's Journal (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	sad	]

She meant more to me then anyone will ever know.... someone that helped me through my good days and bad, always stood up for me when i was needing a friend, listened to me when nobody would take the time to, and always put me before herself....she was my sister

it started with simple bruises, small headaches, little things that you never think about. After a little while my mom thinks that she should go to the doctor so i wake up and just hear my grandma tell me that my mom went with my sister to the doctor to get checked, I don't think it's anything to bad so i don't think about it and go about my day then my grandma tells me that the doctors are keeping her there because they need to keep doing tests but think that she has leukimia(cancer), i was praying to god it was a mistake and that they were just wrong.

Then the journey started, they kept here there and i just hated having to constantly be careful and hear "watch out" because they didn't want me to hit any machines by accident, I just wanted to be their with her and help her. I remember when she started to lose her hair and how much it bothered her to brush it because she knew that there would be a lot of hair coming out. And then there was the process of having to find a donor for her transplant which took what seemed forever, but with the help of our school, great people, and red cross we had finally found a match for her, nobody could understand the joy that it had brought to my mom and everyone else in the family because things had started to look up.

After the transplant, she had been very delicate and everyone had to be very careful with her, and she had to wear a mask after she got out of the hospital so she wouldn't get sick or anything and it takes soo much guts for someone to walk out in public with a mask for 40 days knowing that everyone's going to be looking at you and my sister was always a brave person and didn't care what people thought.

The unthinkable then happened, the doctor had told her and my mom that the transplant hadn't worked, that is the worst news that we heard. Then she told my mom how long my sister would have to live, how can you be happy at all knowing that your sister is going to die in a couple weeks? and i can't imagine what my mom was thinking but i know that it had deeply crushed her inside there wasn't anything that you could tell us that could make us feel better.

I loved my sister sooo much and i hated knowing that she was going to leave, she knew but, it's like she wanted to enjoy herself as much as she could before she left. I hated knowing that there was sooo much effort put into helping her and that it hadn't worked in the end. The last week was soo hard to get by because she slept so much and could barely talk or get up or anything and nobody wanted to cry around her because she was aware of why.

Then as she was lying in her bed on november 18, our family was in that room and we just watched as my mom and aunt tried to help her with as much as they could but everyone was aware that it was going to happen, that she was going to go heaven. I did nothing but pray to god that this was just a mistake and that it shouldn't happen and then as i looked up it happened, the one thing that i had asked god not to do...he took her away. It was something that i wish i hadn't seen because it's the one thing that keeps me from closing my eyes at night. I hate knowing that she passed away that way, she was just 13 and out of all the people in the world, why'd it have to be her, my sister?
I can't move on because she was just a year younger then me and we practically went to every party, house, or family thing together. it's the reason i hate being alone, because it's memeories that bring tears to my eyes every time i think about them. There memeories that my mom sits and thinks about every time she sees a picture in our house. We just weren't ready to lose someone that brought our family so together, made every day exciting, and someone that brought nothing but joy in our lives.
R.I.P.
Sabrina H.
1988-2001

As i walk to your grave
the smile on your face
never seems to fade away
as i remember the memories that just won't go away...

It hurts to know your gone
I just keep wishing that this is all a dream
and that i will wake up soon...

It's seems hopeless to pray
because the one that i asked god to take care of
was taken away...

Someone once told me "always live life to your fulliest"
but the way you left me
full of tears and memeories
makes it such a challenge

I'm told that i should move on
how am i supposed to do that
when my heart just doesn't want to?

<333