jake_is_a_god - Profile (original) (raw)

We love Jake. Does anyone not? He is the ideal of a male. It has been said by many of the great thinkers of our time that all men are created equal; however, Jake has illuminated the gross fallacy of this statement. For he is the epitomy of beauty, intellect, and sensitivity. His talents are far-reaching and unparalleled, particularly upon the stage (especially when he is donning certain articles of clothing...articles of clothing that may be deemed by some unsophisticated audience members as "feminine") and the page.

Among his plethora of virtues, humility is certainly the most prominent. He bears the burden of his perfection admirably, choosing not to humiliate his lessers by flaunting his endowments, but instead lifting them up. One must wonder if it is actually a diservice to convince these people that they can achieve what Jake has, when the cold reality is that these awesome heights are far beyond their reach. However, the words "false hopes" are not in Jake's vocabulary. His only concern is making others feel good about themselves.

On a related note, it is common knowledge to all who know him that Jake would never purposely humiliate one of his friends or acquaintances. Jake's only quest is to lift up his "peers," certainly not to tear them down. For example, Jake would never brutishly interrupt an otherwise cheerful conversation with the forceful statement:

"Who the fuck is Alisha?!"

No, never would Jake purposely cause such agony to one who merely commented on his LiveJournal, which seems like a rather disproportional reaction.

Nor would Jake even consider causing public embarrassment and pain to a certain individual by tickling her in the middle of a cafeteria, and forcing her to squirm her way under the table, perhaps trying to encourage her to pursue a more active social life with the shoes? Well, for Jake's information, she met several nice shoes under there. One shoes name was Eugene. She really loved Eugene. Unfortunately, Eugene's owner was the lovely prospective Honor's student, who, thanks to Jake, will probably opt to attend Ole Miss. So the very certain individual, will most likely never see Eugene, the first shoe she ever loved, ever again.

In conclusion, if Jake is the exemplary being that we have claimed he is brief discourse, then surely he will laugh when he reads this as we laughed when we composed it. And are still laughing now. And will probably--no, definitely continue to laugh for a long time to come.