The Growing Curve - Part 3 of 3 (original) (raw)

All disclaimers still apply. This is the last part, so I hope you like it!

Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: Meeting the in-laws

As soon as the Panic! tour starts nearing New York, Finn calls his stepbrother. Brendon watches him from the floor of the back lounge and when Finn’s face relaxes into a small grin, he can’t help but wonder what kind of person Kurt must be to make Finn look like that. Sure, Finn has told him a lot about the bullying in high school, how his step brother had to switch schools, but eventually came back with a boyfriend he was to this day completely in love with and how they kept Finn together when things were hardest for him. He loves them a little just for that already and with the way Finn gets when he’s speaking to them, he thinks he might grow to like them even more.

Brendon makes it no secret that he’s listening to the conversation, if Finn actually wanted to keep it from him he would have left for the bunks already.

“…sleeping over in New York and it’s a pretty early show, so could you get us some tickets for Blaine’s performance? I feel bad for missing the premiere.” Finn listens intently to what Kurt is saying on the other line. “Yeah, probably just me…” he catches Brendon looking at him. “…hold on. Hey, Bren, you wanna go see a musical with me on Broadway tomorrow? We could grab something to eat with Kurt and Blaine afterward?”

Well, it’s not like seeing a musical on Broadway has been one of Brendon’s dreams since he was a kid or anything like that. “Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes!”

Finn chuckles at the enthusiastic answer and uncovers the phone’s speaker. “Can you make it two tickets? I’m bringing Brendon with. Yes, I’m sure he’ll like the outfit. We can go to Al’s for food afterward. Okay, I’ll see you soon. Say hi to Blaine to me. Bye!”

'What are we seeing?’ asks Brendon after Finn pockets the phone.

“Blaine replaced Jonathan Groff as the lead in the musical Spring awakening this season. Kurt calls it a coming of age story and a bunch of other technical terms I forgot the moment he said them.” Finn shrugs his shoulders and plops down next to Brendon on the couch.

“The songs are pretty good though, Blaine sang one over the phone to me last week and he sounds fantastic. He’s been nervous about the kissing scene, which is with a girl, obviously and Blaine is pretty much as gay as you can get, but apparently his co-star has been great about it and it’s all going smoothly. All in all, it’s not Disney, but I hope you’ll like it.”

Finn is watching him nervously, so Brendon tries to reassure him the best way he can.

“It’s Broadway; of course I’ll like it! You’ve already proven that your musical theater knowledge is top-notch, I won’t even attempt to contest that.”

This is of course referring to an incident a few weeks prior, when Finn shocked everyone, including himself, by being able to quote Moulin Rouge nearly word for word. When questioned, he mumbled that it was his brother’s favorite movie and blushed scarlet.

Ryan then quizzed him on what seemed to be every musical ever made in the last 50 years with Brendon interrupting with his own questions, while Jon kept score with Wikipedia open for reference.

All in all, it was a pretty normal Saturday night on the Panic bus.

*

The show was pretty amazing that evening, because Brendon had managed to channel most of his nervous energy into the performance. Afterward he practically flew into the shower and pulled on the carefully selected outfit that would hopefully please Finn’s fashion conscious brother. Finn had managed to bribe the other two techs so they were clearing the stage afterwards on their own and so he’s already waiting for Brendon outside the venue when he runs out, avoiding the fangirls by Zack’s superpowers alone.

“Ready to go? No ambushes on your way here?” asks Finn, unlocking the doors of the rental car.

“A girl in glitter eye-shadow tried to football tackle me when I came out the dressing rooms, but Zack caught her just in time.” Brendon says, startling a laugh out of Finn as they slide into the car. “I am a now a hundred percent fangirl free, but you better peel out of this parking lot fast, before they catch on.”

They leave the parking lot quickly after that, passing some fans coming from the show on the way out. Luckily, Brendon doesn’t get recognized and he’s free to examine the bright lights of the city outside. They are definitely very interesting lights and Brendon is definitely not focusing on them to avoid his gaze straying to Finn’s shirt (it had pretty silver buttons that reflected the light and it had nothing to do with how good it made his forearms look).

“You look good.” Finn interrupts his thoughts, fingers tapping an idle rhythm on the steering wheel.

“Why thank you! I asked Ryan for help to choose the perfect outfit to impress your step-brother.” Brendon hoped that the combination of his best black jeans, red button up and vest would be okay, but he’s honestly a bit worried that the black scarf that Ryan insisted on draping artfully around his shoulders might get lost. He even had a smudge of eyeliner around his eyes, though he’d washed out all the heavy stage make-up. He was also pretty sure that it was the right decision to escape when Ryan started bringing out the pink eyeshadow.

“Hey, don’t! Kurt is gonna love you, trust me. He and Blaine have been harmonizing to your CD for months now.”

“Well if he likes my music that’s no guarantee he’ll like me!” says Brendon, averting his eyes and staring at the blurry passersby. “I’m not exactly confident frontman in real life, you know.”

“You’re right.” Finn says, causing Brendon to turn his head around to focus on his profile. “You’re pretty wonderful as just Brendon though and Kurt is going to see that and he’ll probably try to keep you and then Ryan will kill me.”

“Well, if you say so…” Brendon smiles in Finn’s direction, but his leg is still jiggling nervously before he stops it self-consciously. “Is he meeting us at the theatre?”

“Yep.” Finn replies. He’s concentrating on the road pretty intensely and with a jolt, Brendon is reminded of the story of Finn’s driving lesions and subsequent postman mauling, so he checks his seatbelt again. It’s holding and Brendon forces himself to relax. It’s hard though.

They get a parking space by miracle alone, but still need to speed walk over to the theatre, because New York traffic meant they were cutting it uncomfortably close to showtime.

If Brendon hadn’t guessed that the tall, slim man in designer clothing that fit him perfectly was Finn’s Kurt, then the matching smiles they sprouted the moment they laid eyes on eachother were certainly a clue.

“Your shoes look ridiculous.”

Is the first thing out of Kurt’s mouth after hugging his brother and Brendon reflexively checks his beat up all-stars even if it’s not meant for him, wincing when he sees the little hole next to a shoelace and the accumulated dust marks that he could have sworn weren’t there that morning.

However, Kurt is smiling when he offers his hand and it lights up his face and Brendon is suddenly irrationally reminded of Finn, even though he knows that they aren’t actually related. He feels himself relax a little, only to choke when Kurt next opens his mouth.

“So you’re the Brendon that Finn’s been talking about non-stop for the last few months.” He takes a step backwards and looks Brendon up and down appraisingly. “You’re even cuter in person.”

It’s weird, because that should sound flirtatious, but Kurt says it like a fact, not like a come on and Brendon likes him a lot more suddenly. Though by the rate Finn is turning red and the pitch of his outraged “Kurt!” , he realizes that probably not many people know that while interacting in with him.

“What has he been telling you? I’m completely capable of dressing myself usually, the lacy vest was just a moment of weakness and Ryan made me do it, I swear!”

“I will not lie, the lacy vest and the roses, while very haute couture, weren’t exactly your best decision, both Blaine and I agree on that. Though the costumes in the Sins video had inspired a few of my outfit ideas, when it came out. Who came up with those?”

After the first few minutes, Brendon is relieved to find that chatting with Kurt is actually quite enjoyable. He has strong options on everything from fabrics to the current political climate and he’s ready to defend them to the death. He and Finn are so different, Brendon muses, but they seem to have a shared power when it comes to putting Brendon at ease. By the time they settle into their seats, it feels like Kurt is an old friend.

Kurt nudges an elbow in his ribs when a handsome dark-haired man takes the stage and starts singing, instantly captivating the audience.

“That’s my Blaine.” Kurt’s voice sounds unimaginably proud. Glancing to his left, Brendon can see the same emotion reflected in Finn’s smile.

The musical is incredible and Brendon is enthralled from start to finish. He spares a thought to the fact that his own shows might one day inspire his audience like this, to hang on to every note and gasp with every plot turn. He hoped so.

The trio rises into a standing ovation when the play finishes and Blaine blushes at the wolf whistles Finn sends his way, when he comes to take the final bow.

Kurt takes them through a back door backstage after talking to the man guarding them. Within moments, Finn has an excited Blaine wrapped around his body and Brendon realizes that this is probably why Finn dealt so well with excitable frontman hugs; he had one in the family already.

There wasn’t exactly much time to muse on this new discovery, as soon he has a sweaty mass wrapped around his own body. Blaine is apparently much less shy about personal boundaries than his partner. The smell of stage makeup and sweat is familiar enough and Brendon immediately relaxes.

After introductions, Blaine bounces excitedly around the room, chattering away while gaining fond looks from his co-stars and Kurt.

An undeniable feeling of deja-vu hits Brendon in the gut and he asks himself, ‘Do I look like that when I come off stage?’ He turns to Finn to ask the question, only to find that he had apparently read his mind.

“Yup.” Finn was grinning. “It’s only that you demand Capri-Suns instead of Kurt kisses.”

A glance back at the couple proves it true; Blaine has his taller boyfriend bent in a dip and is kissing him thoroughly in a scene reminiscent of an old Hollywood movie, something that nobody seems to pay any mind, apparently too used to it to care anymore.

They go to Al’s for dinner afterward and Brendon feels genuinely happy in their company. They take care to include him in the conversations, Kurt and Blaine sharing little glimpses into their life in New York and Finn and he telling tour stories that have them all rolling on the floor with laughter.

Time flies when you’re having fun and before they know it, Kurt and Blaine are taking them back to their apartment for a sleepover, insisting that they not drive, because of the late hour.

When they arrive, Finn loudly insists that Brendon take the guest room and curls up on the couch. Blaine and Kurt exchange surprised glances at his contorted position, while Brendon just gives a soft snort; knowing that sleeping in vans and buses made you capable of sleeping in the tightest of places.

Hidden under the blankets in the guestroom, Brendon has to admit to himself that the evening was more fun that he had had in ages.

He falls soundly asleep, still with a smile on his face.

*

Brendon gets up early, startled awake by the other voices in the apartment. He shuffles sleepily towards the living room, where Finn is sitting up on the couch, apparently just woken up as well.

Brendon sits down next to Finn on the couch and watches him slowly rub the sleep from his eyes, the morning sunlight pooling on his face as he tries to evade it. There are voices coming from the kitchen, where Blaine and Kurt are apparently arguing over the toaster. After a while they fall silent, argument resolved and Brendon watches as Finn blinks sleepily at the windows. A melody starts floating in the air, Blaine’s voice rising from the kitchen.

every stop is neatly planned for a poet and a one man band...

Kurt’s considerably higher voice joins in on the next verse and Finn tilts his head towards the door, eyes slipping shut. After a beat he adds his lower harmony to the song, the other two falling silent as he takes over the next verse.

The trouble it might drag you down...

It’s like the music is taking a tangible form, chords making slow progressions through the rays of sunlight passing through the window. Brendon feels slow and groggy, the unreality of the moment stripping his usually active mind of all but the barest of functions. All he can concentrate on is the music and the curve of Finn’s smile as it moves in time with the words.

Slowly, the lyrics trail off and the room sinks into silence. The conversation from the kitchen starts up again, a soft murmur in the background. Brendon watches Finn, sunlight painting his skin, smile bright and lazy. He reaches out, curving his hand around Finn’s cheek and slotting their lips together. They stay like that for a moment, pressure light and breaths mingling before Brendon presses harder and they’re really kissing, passionate, tongues tangling carefully.

"Breakfast is ready!" It’s Kurt, interrupting from the other room and they break apart, startled.

Brendon watches the pink spread along Finn’s cheeks and can’t keep his eyes off his lips. Finn doesn’t say anything and Brendon can’t think of anything to break the silence so he stands and offers Finn a hand up. He doesn’t take it and hauls himself off the couch, but his hand grazes against Brendon’s on the way to the kitchen, so Brendon thinks he couldn’t have screwed up all that badly.

If their hosts notice the tension surrounding them during breakfast, they don’t mention it. They fill the existing silence with chatter and Brendon offers a few absentminded replies, but he can’t seem to concentrate on anything but the memories of lips and tongue and warmth that burn slowly and steadily through his body still.

Finn still won’t look at him.

The ride back to the bus is quiet. Brendon sneaks glances from the corner of his eye and catches Finn doing the same

They arrive at the venue and Finn cuts the engine. They stay seated and unmoving until Finn swears under his breath, hand darting over the space between their seats and gripping Brendon’s shoulder. Brendon is already meeting him halfway and their kiss is brutal, teeth clicking together, more of a bite than a kiss. Finn kisses like he’s drowning, like he can’t get enough and Brendon thinks ‘oh’. And ‘how did I miss this?’

After a moment, Finn gentles the kiss, the hand resting on Brendon’s nape softening to brush through the soft hairs on his neck. He pulls away slowly and Brendon catches himself chasing after his lips for one more kiss.

"We can’t." Finn whispers into the silence, the hand on Brendon’s shoulder clenching almost painfully before he pulls away entirely and gets out of the car, leaving Brendon flushed and confused.

When he gets out of the car, Finn is already speaking with Zack on the other side of the parking lot and his bandmates are waiting for the tales of his night off, so he heads off in the direction where Jon is eagerly wavering.

He doesn’t see Finn for the rest of the day.

*

Finn has been avoiding him for one whole week and Brendon has had enough. Enough of Finn turning tail every time Brendon enters a room, claiming he’s forgotten an amp when they’re clearly all on stage or disappearing in the evenings for the tech bus instead of joining everyone else for movie nights.

Brendon has also had a few beers, which may well explain the fact that he is seeking out Finn right now instead of sitting on his bus, moping.

The thing is, Brendon doesn’t get it. He’s seen Finn looking before, but especially now and while he may have been oblivious until the kiss, he isn’t blind to it now. He honestly can’t see the problem: Finn gives great cuddles, he’s an awesome listener, they have fun together and he watches Disney movies with him. Also he is pretty hot. And he seems to think Brendon is pretty hot too, so there is no reason this couldn’t work.

Finn is lounging against the parking lot fence with Jack when Brendon finds him.

Jack takes one look at Finn’s frozen fear and Brendon’s determined expression and makes himself scarce.

"You’ve been avoiding me." Brendon points out, swaying a bit on his feet. He seats himself down next to Finn, noting how the other shrinks away.

"I haven’t been avoiding you." says Finn, pretty unconvincingly, considering the fact he’s managed to put a feet of space between them in the last 20 seconds and that he looks suspiciously close to running.

"I know it has something to do with the kissing." Brendon ignores him completely, ploughing on. "But I’m also pretty sure you kissed me back, so what’s the problem? If I’m not good enough-" Finn’s head snaps up at that.

"It’s not that! You’re good, in fact you’re pretty much perfect." he quiets for a moment, scuffing the ground with a dirty sneaker. “The problem is that I’m not."

"What?"

"Look Bren, I’m just a tech, practically manual labor on minimum wage. I’ve never even had an apartment of my own, that’s how much I move around. And you..." Finn takes a deep breath and looks Brendon directly in the eyes. "You’re a star, Brendon Urie. A beautiful talented star and I won’t let you throw away your career on someone like me."

"But I want you! Don’t you think I’m old enough to know what I want?" Brendon’s reply is immediate and indignant.

Finn is quiet. "Quite honestly...no."

Brendon is already taking a big breath and he looks utterly furious, so Finn cuts him off before he can start on his tirade."I’m 24 and I have no idea what I want, Bren. But I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t do casual with you, even if you asked. I care about you too much. So I’d rather we be friends that risk losing you completely."

Brendon takes a moment to be think it over, rage pushed aside. "So if I waited until I was completely sure what I wanted, would you be ready to accept that answer?"

"I would try. I would try for you." Finn offers him one of his grins, but it’s softened around the edges and he looks sad. "Until then, can we pretend that it never happened?"

Brendon is struck with the fact that he would agree to anything just to make him smile normally again, so all he can do is nod.

They stay quiet for a while, watching the cars passing by on the highway.

"Are we still friends?" Brendon finds himself saying. Now that he’s thinking clearly, the prospect of zero interaction and more days without Finn’s presence is pretty daunting.

"Of course we are." Finn’s answer is immediate and he looks so earnest that Brendon has to reach over to curl his fingers around his hand. The shudder that goes through both of them at the touch has them springing apart immediately.

"Uhhh...but maybe no touching for a while." says Finn and he’s blushing and looking away and Brandon has to stop himself from reaching out for him again.

"I guess." says Brendon and then they both burst out giggling, partly in embarrassment and partly in relief.

Finn Hudson’s and Panic at the Disco’s amazing and epic adventures on tour: But mostly off tour actually

Things between him and Brendon are still weird, but after a while they seem to normalize and they can function as usual again.

They don’t touch as much anymore and Finn would be lying if he said that he didn’t miss it. He’s glad though, to listen to Brendon’s babble, to his jokes and to talk about music again. It was worth it, just for that. And if he sometimes sees Brendon laugh openly and unselfconsciously at a joke and he suddenly can’t breathe for a second, well...it was worth that too.

About a month into the Nothing rhymes with circus tour, Brendon gets a girlfriend. Her name is Audrey and she’s pretty, from what Finn can see. That isn’t much, because he tries to avoid being at the same places she is as much as possible, immersed in taping wires with vigor, setting up Spencer’s drums the way he likes them and ignoring the way his stomach is turning steadily into lead.

Brendon still seeks him out, even if it’s not as frequent, but he’s bright and funny as usual and maybe even happier, so it was worth it. It was. It’s just that sometimes, Finn isn’t sure who he’s convincing of that.

Brendon breaks up with Audrey a while later and doesn’t seem particularly sad about it, at least not when he hangs out with Finn before soundcheck, sitting on an amp, heels drumming a beat to the cadence of his words.

He smiles at him and Finn can’t help smiling back.

Then tour ends and the band rents a cabin in Arizona to write an album.

Finn decides to take a break too. It’s strange, but taking up another band right then doesn’t feel right. And maybe he’s finally getting tired of touring.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Friday nights would be empty without movie nights on the Panic bus or shopping at bus stops with Spencer and Ryan or that tour wouldn’t be tour without Brendon laughing. Nothing at all.

Time off would do him good, he decides, so he packs up his bags and heads off to New York. By the time the plane touches down at the LaGuardia airport, he’s already got a text from Brendon, a picture of a snowy landscape and the words 'not missing tour at all!'

Finn grins and sends back: 'write me some good songs im sick of fever on repeat'.

Finn rents a tiny apartment in New York, barely fending off Kurt’s interior decorating ideas, until the space fits him semi-comfortably. He sends Brendon a picture of the living room and writes: 'it doesnt move but it might be home for a while'

They text back and forth for the duration of the band’s stay at the cabin.

Finn feels a certain measure of pride, knowing that he’s the first one Brendon calls to complain about the others being insufferable or a new riff he’s thought up. The late night phone calls are worst though, when Brendon is tired of the day when the music just hadn’t sounded right and he hates his bandmates a little bit and he wishes he were home already.

All Finn can do on those nights is listen, then talk about his day spent with Kurt or Blaine or some stupid movie he watched on TV that evening, until Brendon’s breath evens out and Finn wakes up with the phone’s shape stamped into the side of his face.

Combined with the jobs he picks up at New York’s various music venues, it’s a pretty comfortable existence. It lasts up until the evening that Kurt mentions the Glee club reunion taking place in one of the nearby karaoke bars.

“You are coming, right? I mean you’ve been way on tour for all the others, but now you’re here and you don’t have an excuse not to come.”

Kurt is folding up the carefully ironed shirts and trousers that Blaine is handing him from the ironing board, while Finn has been delegated to matching never-ending piles of socks that seem to be multiplying by the hour.

“Everyone always asks about you. They miss you.” adds Blaine.

What else can Finn do but agree.

*

The karaoke bar has Lying on its selection list and Finn is already barely containing his glee (pun completely un-intended) thinking about how excited Brendon would be about it.

So before going onstage, he dials and hands his phone to Kurt. The song is second nature to him by now, after months of hearing it repeated in various different ways almost every night, but it’s still a different feeling, singing it on stage and not standing sidestage hoping that Spencer’s snare drum doesn’t fall over again and only occasionally finding the time to mouth along to Brendon’s voice.

Finn lowers the pitch and slows down the song, making it more of a mournful ballad than a song about well…sex, which should be in odds with the original music, but somehow ends up sounding good.

Savoring the adrenaline rush from the feeling of singing again, Finn tosses his hip in a much more awkward imitation of Brendon’s stage antics, which nevertheless gets a cheer from the gathered crowd of friends.

Afterward, he collects his phone from a beaming Kurt and listens to Brendon giggle on the other end of the line.

"So what do you think? Did I capture your essence?" there’s a catcall in the background that sounds like Jon, indicating that he must have been on speaker phone for the duration of the performance.

"Kurt provided commentary." Ryan’s voice filters through "Did you really dance like a particularly stiff scarecrow to our sexiest song?"

Finn is just about to retort with a remark on Ryan’s own dancing queen impressions when he's interrupted by a cough.

"Hi Finn." he turns around and there she is, tiny and beautiful still, in a cream blouse and dark skirt, a fedora on her head, mouth stretched into a smile and totally not the person he was expecting to see.

"Rachel," he knows his voice sounds strange and Brendon’s silence on the other line tells him that he hears it too. "I’ll call you later." he mumbles into the phone and ends the call.

When he turns to fully face her, he sees that Rachel is watching him. Her smile is tentative and her fingers are tapping against her hip the way they always would when she was waiting to go on stage or to confront a bunch of bullies. Finn is surprised that he doesn’t quite know which one of those categories he fits.

"You sounded good up there. I wouldn’t have guessed it was your kind of music."

"I tech for the band. They’re all incredible musicians and I didn’t even do them justice."

Finns mind flashes back to Brendon’s voice on the phone and his grin onstage a few weeks ago and he takes a deep breath. "Sorry, I’m a bit scattered. How are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

He watches as Rachel immediately becomes more animated as she starts explaining the plot of her new musical that’s debuting on Broadway next month and Finn sees the way her eyes light up and her hands draw pictures in the air, while trying to sort out his jumbled emotions. He hadn’t expected her to be here, hadn’t even thought about it, though in hindsight it seemed stupid, because of course she wouldn’t miss it. She hadn’t been the one running from her past for the past couple of years. He’s interrupting her speech before he even realizes he’s doing so.

"I’m sorry. I should have been a better person when I was with you and I’m sorry that I hurt you and that I left things they were between us. I’m sorry. And for interrupting you just now as well."

She watches him for a couple of moments in silence, then speaks quietly.

"I know you are. I forgave you a long time ago."

"Oh." it shouldn’t feel like a weight off his shoulders, but suddenly he feels lighter, easier.

"I’m getting married in June. He’s a ballet dancer and I don’t see him often but I love him."

There is no feeling of devastation or anger. His heart feels is just fine. In fact, he realizes, that he hadn’t ignored her unavoidable presence at the reunion because of some twisted sense of self-delusion, he just hadn’t thought about her in a while. Hadn’t even thought to miss her anymore.

"I’m glad." and he means it.

She must read something in his expression, but he can’t guess what makes her say her next words.

"It’s a really is a nice feeling, being in love. Maybe it’s for the best that we got to experience it with other people.”

“I…yeah, you’re definitely right. I’m just glad you’re happy and that all is going well for you.” Finn mirrors her relived smile with one of his own. “But if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a phone call. I’ll see you later; we’ll catch up some more, okay?”

He rushes away before he even sees her answering nod and locks himself in the thankfully empty bathroom.

The phone rings for quite a while, before Brendon answers. His ‘Hello’ sounds strained. In fact, Finn thinks worriedly, he hasn’t sounded like that since that evening when he and Ryan got into a vicious argument about a song and punches almost got thrown.

“Hi.” The next few words come out in a rush, like Brendon might hang up if he takes too long. “I just wanted to tell you that they have A whole new world on the menu here and all I could think about was singing it with you.”

A beat of silence and then Brendon’s voice comes through the phone line, filtered, but not diminished by the static and the miles between them.
A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view

Finn closes his eyes, leaning his head against the graffitied wall and joins in on the next verse.

(Hold your breath, it gets better)

He can’t help but feel that in a life ridden with failures, something finally went right.

**Finn Hudson and Panic at the Disco’s amazing adventures on tour: The growing curve

They trash the cabin album. It’s a unanimous decision, Jon brings the matches and Ryan the masters of the records and they burn them in the backyard of Brendon’s rented house in Vegas in complete silence.

“So what now?” asks Brendon after the last embers have died down.

“We take a break. Regroup and meet up in the studio in a months’ time, hopefully with a clearer idea of where we’re going.” Spencer answers, always the cool-headed one of the band.

They split up slowly, Spencer and Ryan to their shared apartment, Jon crashing with them until the next flight to Chicago and Brendon is left alone, lingering on the front porch.

Brendon’s fingers hover over the keyboard, familiar name highlighted on the screen. He’s mentally calculating the time difference. It’s late in L.A and later still in New York. It’s not a question of whether or not Finn will pick up, because he always does, even if it’s during a show or dinner with Kurt and Blaine. Finn will pick up, let him listen to a few minutes of the band playing or the ongoing conversation, before hanging up and texting an apology right after.

No, see the question is why does he feel the need to call Finn every time he’s upset or tired or just miserable? Or when he’s happy or excited or angry. How come hearing Finn’s voice made the most tiring days at the cabin feel brighter and easier? Why has something been missing ever since he waved goodbye to the touring crew in New York?

Brendon doesn’t have the answers. Or rather, he does, he’s just not sure if he can accept them yet and he promised Finn he’d be completely sure.

The truth is, and Brendon won’t admit this to anyone, maybe himself least of all, but Audrey was beautiful and way out of his league, but she didn’t understand curling up with a Pixar new release on a Friday night when she could be out at a party showing up her shiny new dress or her shiny new boyfriend. Oscar, who came after, was gorgeous and smart and his smile was dreamy, but it didn’t go all crooked and fond when Brendon did something embarrassing, instead it turned into a frown when he looked around to see if anyone else had noticed. It was funny how a string of easily forgettable, but undeniably attractive mouths and faces couldn’t make Brendon feel as bright as a simple stolen kiss on a broken down couch.

The truth is that none of them were Finn.

He hits the send button and listens to the phone ring. It only takes a few seconds for Finn to answer and Brendon smiles at the muted sounds of shuffling and clattering on the other line.

“Hello?” Finn sounds sleepy and subdued, voice surrounded by the crackle of static Brendon has gotten used to in the past few months. It’s easy to imagine what Finn looks like right now, burrowed under blankets because it’s still cold in New York, long limbs tucked compact from long years spent in bunks, body not sure how to relax into a normal position after so long.

“I’m coming to New York.” Brendon wants, suddenly and sharply to be there, to listen to Finn laugh and breathe without the swell of static and distance in the way.

“Okay. I bought a new couch; you’ll sleep like a princess.” Brendon remembers the couch, it’s an ugly yellow mustard color and the picture came complete with Kurt in the background looking absolutely horrified.

“Like a princess, huh?”

“Pretty, pretty princess.” It’s obvious Finn isn’t even awake at this point, his words are just a sleepy mumble and Brendon lets him drift off, his breathing a soundtrack to his thoughts.

He gets up and goes inside to book a flight.

*

Brendon would love to say that he booked the first flight to NY he could find and arrived at Finn’s door just when he was waking up to make coffee, but in reality Brendon got distracted comparing the prices of two airlines (Spencer had been drilling it in his head to be careful with money for years now, it’s not surprising it came out in the most inopportune moments) and fell asleep on his laptop. He was woken up by the shrill buzzing of his phone the next morning and Finn worried that he’d dreamt his phone call the night before.

Brendon finally books the flight with Finn freaking out over the phone, because he hadn’t thought to buy extra blankets and bedcovers and does Brendon prefer softer or harder pillows?

He arrives at the airport in the early evening, with his barely unpacked suitcase and guitar case in tow. He lays those carefully aside before flinging himself into Finn’s waiting arms and proceeding to hug the stuffing out of him.

The next few hours are the happiest Brendon has been in a while.

He eats takeout and watches Finn, as his long arms wave around dramatically while he retells a story of a band he used to tech for that leaves Brendon in stitches and he snuggles into his shoulder as they re-watch High fidelity for the hundred’ time. He listens to him snoring softly in the bedroom, nestled into his blankets on the surprisingly comfortable couch.

Brendon goes to bed and wakes up with a song in his head. It’s just a chord at first. At play fighting over the best cereal it solidifies into two. By lunch he has a whole chord progression. When Finn hugs him goodbye to go to work, he’s already got lyrics clamoring for his attention. By midnight, when Finn gets back, he’s written a song.

“It’s still early; do you want to watch a movie?”

Brendon grins. It’s nice to know that Finn is still operating on rockstar time where everything before 3AM is early and sleep regularly stretches towards noon.

“Actually, can I play you a song first?”

“Yeah! Is it new? Is it for the new album?” Finn is already excited, bouncing around in a strange role reversal. They hadn’t talked about the scrapped album yet, of disappointments or failures, but Brendon knows they will, eventually. Right now he just hopes his voice doesn’t crack.

“I don’t know yet. I have to run it by the guys first, but I want to hear what you think. Listen carefully, okay?”

Finn nods solemnly, as he settles on the carpet in front of the couch where Brendon is settling his acoustic guitar on his lap.

He takes a deep breath and begins.

Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two Where summer's lasted longer than Longer than we do Where nothing really mattered Except for me to be with you

Brendon chances a look at Finn and he seems absorbed in the song, eyebrows pressed together in a way that indicates he’s thinking hard on something.

You've never been so divine In accepting your defeat And I've never been more scared to be alone If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep Then I'm putting out the lantern Find your own way back home

The room is silent when Brendon finishes and he places the guitar carefully away to give himself a moment, where he can avoid looking at Finn’s face.

“That was beautiful.” Brendon looks up. Finn seems puzzled and strangely vulnerable. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, before deciding. “I…what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m sure.”

Finn snaps to attention at that and Brendon clears his throat where a lump had wedged itself firmly. “There have been other people and none of them were right. The reason they weren’t right was that they weren’t you.” Finn looks incredulous and Brendon has to take a deep breath before going on.

“I’m sure about this. About us. Are you ready to accept that answer?”

And then Finn is moving to settle next to him on the couch, hand settling on his cheek as he leans in close.

He whispers “Yes.” right before their lips touch. It’s a bit awkward because of the angle, but it’s the sweetest kiss Brendon has ever had and the anticipation’s only made it sweeter. They kiss for several long moments, lips moving slowly, almost chastely against each other as if afraid to break the moment. They break it off to catch their breaths, foreheads resting together as they steal each other’s air.

“Took you long enough.” says Brendon and swallows Finn’s answering laughter in a kiss much deeper and more demanding than the previous one.

In the morning, when they wake up tangled in each other, Brendon whispers a question against Finn’s neck.

“Are you where you imagined yourself being five years ago?”

“No.” Finn answers, pecking the corner of his smile. “But I’m pretty sure I’m where I belong.”

THE END