Kate's Ramblings... (original) (raw)

So...it's been ages, right? Really, things haven't changed that much. Sheldon is still kind of a pistol, though he's taking meds for it, now. Kids are bigger, and so am I, unfortunately. I don't know...I just can't keep on top of this weight thing. Thank God Shel doesn't have eyes, or I'd never live it down. Christ, I weigh, like, 170lbs. That's almost 200. I am a cow.Regardless of this fact, the boyfriend situation is not horrible. Oh, I suppose it ought to be mentioned that Gary and I are no longer together. Due to...extenuating circumstances which I really don't care to explain, he decided that I was mentally unstable, and unfit to care for my children, and actually tried to take me to court to get my sons taken from me. So much for the perfect man, right? So, exit doctor, stage right.Enter roofer, center stage. Yeah, so it's a bit of a difference. His name is John, and he's tall and tan and gorgeous and sweet and actually has a sense of humour. He makes me feel like I'm twenty again, or even thirty, for that matter. He also has a sweet little six-year-old named Maddy who is just the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. She gets on all right with James and Caedmon, which is to say that they don't hit one another too terribly much. But he really is a wonderful guy, and here's hoping I'm not just being foolish again. He doesn't think I'm fat, anyway...which is good enough for me, at the moment.(8 comments | Leave a comment)

Sorry, I haven't had much time to update, recently. I've been a bit of a wreck, lately. Gary, the boyfriend, and Sheldon do not get along. Really at all. Gary is such a love, he really is, but he occasionally has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. Couple that with the fact that Sheldon is really sensitive and prone to extreme sarcasm if not violence, and you have a really frustrated Kate.I don't really want to go into details, but I can assure you that "your little gringo," as you call him, is fine, I promise I didn't break any of his bones, though he does have a bit of a black eye. But that will fade away, so don't worry, I haven't ruined his face, at all. And even if I have, he won't be able to tell.Yes, I'm being really bitchy right now. He's lucky I've not called the police on him or something...but he is my brother. But I am now incapable of working until my own (much worse, mind) black eye subsidesm because I don't want the kids I take care of to see it and ask questions. I'm currently telling people I ran into a door, and I feel like a fucking battered wife, lying to people about bruises. But shit, I've been doing it all my life, I can do it again.Damn it, Sheldon. I wish you would just get over yourself.Oh, Gods, I know, I'm horrible. He's just upset. I know he is. I know that he's in a really fucked up position and he doesn't know how to react to it, but it's just so frustrating, you know? When he isn't being mean as hell, he's being really depressed. I go back and forth between wanting to hug him and wanting to have him committed.What am I supposed to do? I mean, yeah, it's me and Gary, now. That's bad enough. But what if it doesn't stop? What if it's my kids, next? I've got more things to worry about than just me. Gary doesn't have to come to the house. I can go out to meet him...but I can't. I can't go out anywhere without Sheldon, because I don't trust him home alone and I don't trust him home with a caretaker or anything. I just...don't know what to do. I'm really confused, right now. I just sort of want to curl up and cry for a week or so. I wish this hadn't happened. I mean, despite everything, it's really nice to have Sheldon staying with me for a while...but I wish it was just that. Sheldon, the old Sheldon that I knew, staying with me for a while. Not forever, because he got his eyes gouged out.He used to be almost sweet, sometimes. When he was eighteen. He would call me and ask me to do things. I usually couldn't, because I'd moved out and was living in Chicago at the time, but I did a couple of times. He asked me out to prom, even. At the time, I went because mom insisted that he didn't have anyone else to go with, which turned out not to be true. He'd just wanted to ask me. And it was really flattering and adorable. It was a nice night. I mean, it was a little weird, due to his teenage hormones, but overall it was lovely. I still have the necklace he gave me that night. I'm actually wearing it right now. Okay, well, that just makes me sound like a loser. Anyway.After prom, I invited him to come stay with me for a week or so. He'd graduated, and I knew how much he hated being at home. Anyway, I'd wanted to see him again. So I drove up to Wisconsin, picked him up, and took him to my apartment. It was a really nice time. We ordered a lot of pizza and I bought him alcohol (yeah, I know, bad influence. I was 21, okay?) and he helped me get up the guts to dump my loser boyfriend. And he was such a dear the night that I did. After shoving Jim and his female friend (who he'd been caught with) out the door, I came back to the room and just cried. And he came up to me and put his arms around me and comforted me. No one had ever really done anything like that for me, before. I've never really had someone I could cry to.And now it's like...the Sheldon I knew back then is gone. That Sheldon was fun, and funny, and was capable of loving, and actually cared about things. And now it's all gone. Fuck. Enough whining, Kate. I'm going to go take a shower and then start all my cooking. Enjoy your Thanksgivings!(Leave a comment)

Today was pleasant. I woke up early to take my son to choir practise before school, got caught in traffic and arrived ten minutes late. I waited to see Caedmon go in, and then he comes back out to the car and says he can't get in, the doors are locked.So I get out, and sure enough, the doors are locked. The lights are on inside, but we have no way of getting in, and it's starting to rain. So we run back to the car, I call them on my cell, and it turns out it's actually a DIFFERENT choir practise, for the upper grades, and Caedmon's practise is tomorrow morning.So we drove home and got donuts because that's just something nice when the weather is crap, and spirits were improved. Then, we got home and offered Sheldon donuts. He accepted them happily enough, but we soon discovered that he hates donuts with sprinkles (I assume because he used to consume sprinkles by the jar in grammar school), coconut, or glazing on them. He also dislikes jelly donuts. The only donuts, in fact, that I bought, that happened to coincide with his tastes, were the custard-filled, chocolate-iced ones I bought specifically for myself, because they are my favourite.So, I am wet and up early, and my brother has consumed all my donuts.Then, to continue my unlucky streak, I had actually forgotten that after choir practise is school, and if it weren't for Caedmon, I would have forgotten to take him, at all. So we get there an hour late, and I have to go in and explain to his teacher why he missed Reading and Gym. And she was the most horrible, condescending person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. I am ashamed to have her teaching my child. Because she made even ME feel like I was worthless, which is not an easy thing to do.So I come home, dejected and feeling like a bad mother. And still donutless. I could really have used those donuts, damn you, Sheldon. Then, I made the mistake of attempting a conversation with my brother.Me: Sheldon, you awake.Sheldon: Fuuuuuuuuuck.Me: Good morning, sunshine.Sheldon: Go away.Me: Do you need anything?Sheldon: I need you to leave me alone.Me: Sigh. Fine.Sheldon: Wait, actually, is there any tequila left?Me: Shel, you're going to get liver poisoning.Sheldon: I don't care.Me: *gets him bottle of tequila - which is not mine, by the way, but in an effort to placate my brother, I purchased it - and hands it to him* Sheldon, am I a bad mother?Sheldon: Probably. *drinks*So now I am just completely in an awful mood, and, to top everything off, my mother calls me.I don't know if I have ever told you about my mother, but you will hear it now. My mother is sixty-three years old, and pretty nutty. She has a thick, really thick, Brooklyn accent, and is very much a Jewish mother type. As a matter of fact, she is almost stereotypically so. Observe, our conversation:Me: Hello?Mom: Kate, it's your mother.Me: Hi, mom.Mom: Aren't you going to ask how I am?Me: How are you, mom?Mom: I'm fine, no thanks to you. You never call me, I never know what's going on with you!Me: Nothing's going on, mom, everything is fine.Mom: How is Shelly? (I hate it when she calls him that.)Me: He's fine, mom. *lying* He's recovering well, and seems to be pretty much normal.Mom: How's your boyfriend?Me: Gary's fine, thanks.Mom: Did he propose to you yet?Me: No, mom. I don't think - Mom: Remember, don't say yes until he buys you a ring. Don't make my mistake.Me: I wasn't planning on it, mom, we - Mom: And make sure it's a good one, too. None of that cubic zirconia rubbish. He can afford to buy you a real diamond, and Lord knows my little girl deserves it.Me: Thanks, mom. I actually should - Mom: How's your weight?Mom's got this thing about my weight. She's constantly paranoid that I'm going to get fat (like her), and that I won't be able to get married, then. I'm thirty-eight, and she's just horrified that I haven't nailed a man to my floor yet, so to speak. And she's convinced that it's because of my weight.Me: Fine, mom.Mom: How much do you weigh?Me: Don't know, mom.Mom: If you don't know, it's probably too much. More or less than 120?Me: More. Jesus, I'm 38, mom, not 12.Mom: You're never too old to be thin, Kate!Me: Mom, I have to go, the baby is crying... *lying again*Mom: Let me talk to Sheldon.Me: *glances at Sheldon, covers phone.* Mom wants to talk to you.Sheldon: Fuck, no. Tell her I'm asleep.Me: *uncovers phone* He's sleeping, mom. I have to go.Mom: Are you coming up for Thanksgiving?Me: No, mom, I told you, I can't.Mom: Oh, and I'll just spend Thanksgiving all alone, then.Me: Mom, it's either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I can't afford to fly everyone up there, twice, and I'm still not sure what to do about the baby. I have to go.Mom: Oh, right, right. Well, okay, Kate. I'll call you later.Me: Right mom, 'bye.Mom: Tell Sheldon I said hello.Me: Okay, mom, 'bye!Mom: And don't forget what I said about your - Me: My weight, I know. Good bye, mother.Mom: G'bye, Kate.Oh god. So, mood has not improved. I am now fat, donutless, ungrateful, and probably a bad mother. And I have to tell Sheldon that we're going to mom's for Christmas.Me: Oh. By the way, we're going up to Wisconsin for Christmas. Mom's having the family Christmas reunion thing that you always try to worm out of.Sheldon: Oh fuck. I'm not going.Me: Yes you are. We're going to be gone for three days, and I am not leaving you here alone and untended.Sheldon: Leave me with someone. I'm not going!Me: Mom specifically told me that she wanted you with. You have to go.Sheldon: Can't you tell her I died?Me: No, Shel. You'll just have to go with us. I'll have you your laptop by then, so you'll have something to do.Sheldon: *groans and takes another drink*So, yeah. That's basically my day. Fantastic. I would consider posting in Sheldon's journal about his day, but it would consist of: "Slept. Woke up. Complained. Made Kate feel bad. Drank. Would not talk to mother. Drank. Drank more. Slept more. Woke up again. Drank. Slept again."(Leave a comment)

Well, apparently it was not my overactive imagination. But...let's not start this entry out on that note.It started on November 3rd. I received a call from a number I didn't recognise. The area code was from southeast California. I answered, expecting it to be a telemarketer, but I gathered from the fact that they got my name right and did not ask for "Mr. Sand" that it was a legitimate call. What further proved this argument was when they continued with, "We have your brother, Sheldon, in custody as St. Mary's hospital, in the intensive care ward."Oh dear god, I thought, he's gotten himself killed. Naturally, I flew down immediately (It's not that far, but speed was of the essence). I was admitted the moment I arrived (I didn't even bother to drop my stuff off at the hotel - I just left it in the lobby), and there he was, bandaged and wearing sea foam green, prostate on the bed. He was alive, as the heart monitor gave evidence, but my heart leaped straight out of my goddamn chest and into my throat.He turned to face the doorway groggily, and asked if there was anybody there. I hadn't made a noise, or so I thought, but apparently he'd heard me. It seemed that was all he could do, thanks to the bandage wrapped across his eyes. I rushed into the room and grabbed his hand. Our conversation went something like this:Sheldon: *flinch* Fuck, don't grab me. Who are you?Me: It's Kate, settle down.Sheldon: What on God's green Earth are you doing here, Kate?Me: You're my brother, you dolt. I had to come see you.Sheldon: Like what you see?Me: What happened?Sheldon: Freak gardening accident.Obviously the drugs were not powerful enough to curb his incessant sarcasm. After some careful prodding and another injection from a kind-hearted nurse, he told me at least the reason for the head bandage.My brother has no eyes. I don't know how or why or who did this to him, but he is as eyeless as...something without eyes. It's really a wonder I haven't had a heart attack, as my pulse has been racing almost every time I see him, ever since. I just...Gods, what the hell happened?I wish I had been there. I wish I could have done something. He's so mopey, now...But I'm getting ahead of myself.So, we made arrangements. My mother WAS going to take care of him, but I knew immediately that Sheldon would sooner euthanize himself than submit to the care of our mother again. I talked to her, convinced her that I was much more capable of taking care of Sheldon. She wasn't too hard to sway, after all, she raised him the first time, and she actually didn't seem particularly enthusiastic about attempting it again.So I got him. Sheldon is now in my care. We took a greyhound back home because I was afraid of what the plane might do to him, in his condition. It was a six hour-or-so ride, but luckily he was heavily drugged most of the way, and only nearly got kicked off once. I'm not telling you why, because believe me, you do not want to know. That poor old woman is probably scarred for life.Since arriving home, Sheldon has become much more sober, and spends all of his time camping out of my lavendar couch in the living room. I offered him his own room, but since it's right next to my oldest son's room, he declined, saying he'd rather sleep on a couch than right next to a squirrely toddler's room. Honestly, I don't get it, but then, I don't get a lot about Shel.Anyway, despite the fact that he can be a complete pistol at times, I'm really glad he's here and not with our mother. He seems to be on the point of absolute misery here, and I dread to think about how he would react to being back home again, especially with Wisconsin winter weather. Probably near-suicidal. Poor kid.Anyway, I've been trying to cheer him up. I cooked him that pibil dish he fancies so much, and while he seemed quite happy at the time, he regressed pretty quickly into depression again. I really don't know what to do to make him happy...I wish I could hug him.Gods, my poor heart.(2 comments | Leave a comment)

	Gary. Is doing. The Dishes.For me.I love him I love him I love him.I love him!(Leave a comment)