(no title) (original) (raw)

He and Tifa had returned from their home world about 3 days ago. Ever since, Cloud hadn't bothered to make his presence known in Radiant Garden. It wasn't that he intentionally wanted to avoid the others, on the contrary. He wanted to see everyone, for once.

But he wasn't ready.

Instead of mingling, he had let Tifa know exactly where he was (part of their deal), and went to the basement of the castle. The big computer in there had footage of the rebuilding of Radiant Garden.

And he watched it, trying to decide whether he was jealous or inspired by it all the while. There was little to no help for his world, but this one could rebuild.

While Cloud's wish may have been to be alone, there were things in place that seemed to prevent that. Tifa had communicated to Yuffie that she wanted someone to keep an eye on Cloud, or at least to talk to him, so Yuffie had forwarded that to Leon. Since he knew where to be looking, or at least the general area, Leon had decided to go looking on his own. Eventually, after scouring the corridors in the castle, he came up to the area that was once Ansem's study. Broken bottles and scattered books still littered the ground, as everyone was too busy healing the town to be worried about such a small, insignificant room. Shaking his head silently, he continued on towards the only remaining attraction in the castle - Ansem's computer.

As slowly and quietly as he could manage, Leon moved to the doorframe of the room. Keeping his eyes fixed on Cloud, as the other man studied the computer, Leon leant against the doorframe. With his arms folded firmly over his chest, he simply stood, keeping his gaze transfixed on Cloud. While he didn't assume his presence had gone un-noticed, or that it would continue to be had it originally not been noticed, he wanted to make sure Cloud knew that he was coming down here precisely for the reason he was - to check up on him. Not to patronise, or to infuriate, but simply so that the other man knew that whatever he was thinking, he didn't need to face it single handedly.

Cloud's shoulders tensed before he turned the recordings off. He didn't turn around in the chair, merely, moved his head slightly. Leon's presence didn't necessarily bother him. He had become, unfortunately, intensely aware of his surroundings in the past years. Something to blame on being mostly homeless and wandering between worlds.

"Did Tifa send you?" He asked the question, knowing the answer, and slowly, stood from the chair. He shrugged, more out of habit than for a reason.

"I see rebuilding's going okay."

Leon allowed himself a slight smile. Blunt and to the point. It seemed like such a distant way to communicate, as if putting up invisible barricades to ward off anyone from getting too close. Leon couldn't help but wonder if his attitude gave people this impression of him, just like the feeling he was getting off Cloud. "Not really. She said you had both come back, and that she wasn't sure how you were feeling, so Yuffie reccommended that I come down and see you. Still, if I hadn't wanted to be here, I wouldn't be. Nice to see you back, Cloud."

Pushing himself off from the wall, the gunblade wielder walked calmly towards the computer that helped govern the rebuilding efforts of Radiant Garden. Taking the seat that Cloud had just vacated, Leon began to press a few buttons on the console. Unreadable figures, charts and words flashed across the screen, often intertwining with one another. Apparantly though, this was a good thing. "Yes, the restoration of Radiant Garden is going a lot better than we had dared to hope. Thanks to the dilligence of the citizens, along with the tireless aid that Tron supplies them with, things should be back to normal before too long has passed."

Placing his feet up on the side infront of him, Leon crossed his legs and put his hands behind his head. After a silent moment of reflection at looking at the computer, Leon turned an unflinching gaze back towards Cloud. "Did you end up finding what you were looking for?"

Cloud had settled into looking at the dust balls on the floor but at Leon's question, his posture slumped slightly. "Do you want a metaphorical answer or not?" He grumbled slightly, as he crouched down, brushing at his black pants, even though it looked like nothing was on them to begin with.

"I went home. We ended up going back to our old world." Cloud's jaw clenched and for a moment, a bitter expression came over his usually stoic face. "And I was there for days, alone. Just wandering and looking." Another grumble.

Cloud couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with Leon. He had spent a very long time bouncing from world to world, and honestly, the idea of settling in a place where he could have a stable life and friends? Foreign. At least, strange.

But he continued. Cloud never meant to intentionally alienate people, it just worked out that way. "...so, I didn't find what I was looking for, but...maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing."

Keeping the unflinching gaze centred on Cloud, Leon noticed the slight shift in his emotional outlook. While he had no idea what exactly Cloud was looking for, it seemed to be something of great importance to him. Or at least a vexation when he couldn't find it. Still, allowing him to question his own judgement on wheter what he was looking for was correct would be to let Cloud take the first step down a slippery slope. "What makes you think that failing to find something makes it the wrong thing to look for?"

All his life, since he had been but the frightened boy unable to protect the people in Radiant Garden, all those years ago, he had been trying to find a place to belong. It had eluded him for too long, until Sora had healed Hollow Bastion. The first time, he had worked hard to turn it into what it had become. A home for him and all the others who had to leave Radiant Garden after the heartless. Maybe that was what Cloud wanted...Still, he must have known he had a place in Radiant Garden, alongside him, Yuffie, Cid and Merlin. They would welcome him and Tifa with open arms, if only Cloud wouldn't insist on staying alone. Maybe he needed to make him see that. "I didn't have you down for second guessing yourself so quickly, Cloud. When we fought on the slopes near the Great Maw, you abandoned looking for whatever you wished to find to help the people of Radiant Garden. It is quite possible that it may have moved, or someone may have moved it in that time, or since then."

Standing from the chair, Leon walked over to Cloud, placing a hand on his shoulder. He schooled his features into the most welcoming smile he could, in the hopes that at least some of the intended kindness might get through to Cloud. "So don't give up so quickly. Were you to say the word, we would all help you look, but I doubt you'd want us all to help." What he failed to mention, however, was that soon they wouldn't be able to help him look. With the up and coming trip in light of Queen Minnie's letter, things seemed to be turning bad again. Of course, he didn't expect Cloud to accept the offer anyway. Taking his hand off Cloud's shoulder, and strolling towards the giant digitising equipment on the wall, Leon cast a glance over his shoulder to Cloud. "What exactly is it you are looking for, anyway, Cloud?"

"I..."

What was he looking for? It was easy when he was blindly following the man who took his world, his home, his loved ones from him, but putting it into words? Difficult, to say the least. Cloud was a man who relied on instinct, but also dove into his own emotions blindly, without warrant or need to describe them to others.

The reason why Tifa had put up with him all of those years, always made him wonder. It was as though he didn't have to explain himself to her. There was just a mutual understanding. At times, they almost shared a mind, and that was what Cloud was most comfortable with.

Sighing softly, Cloud started his train of thought again. His speech was hesitant, soft and thoughtful. "...that man...took everything. My world. My home. My family. He almost destroyed me." Cloud's expression turned decidedly bitter, but he quickly shook the thought away.

"So, I chased him. I vowed to myself, no one else was going to go through that. Through what he made me go through. And it went on for years. Just went from world to world.

"Then, we were on my old world. Home. I remember when I was a kid, I used to be able to put my hand on the ground and feel the life in the planet, but there wasn't anything. On the entire world, I was the only living person on it. Only living thing. I wandered for days and the whole time? The only thing I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest.

"It was perverse. Knowing everyone had died there? There wasn't anything left to save? And me, chasing that man from world to world, it was eating away at me. It was helping him destroy what was left. I'm giving it to him. And in the process, ignoring something that I might have elsewhere."

Cloud shrugged, and settled back against the whirring fans of the CPU. Wind was a huge comfort to him, and recycled though it might be, it was welcoming. He rubbed his eyes as though he was tired, and shook his head. Although he had heard Leon's invitation to stay here, Cloud neither accepted or declined it. He assumed only that Tifa had done it already. They were there, right? Wasn't that enough?

While he didn't exactly disbelieve Cloud's story, it struck him as a little odd. Years ago, when Cloud had fought alongside him at the Coliseum, the man had seemed so focused and intent on finding something then too. He had heard that Cloud had worked for Hades back then, and concluded that last time he searched for something, it must have ended badly. Maybe this time would be the same. "A man who destroyed a world. Hmm."

He needed to catch Cloud in an unguarded moment. He knew from his action on the hill near the Great Maw that there was still a selfless side to him, and if he carried on down this road, it might be lost forever. Wheter by his loss at the hands of this world destroying man, or at the hands of someone seeking revenge for this other man, or even by a fall to the darkness, it would make Cloud into an equal monster to that which he fought. Leon would not let that happen. "Or is it that you are looking for death by his hands, to return you to the world you lost? There is an old sentiment I have heard, from the Land of Dragons. "Before setting out for revenge, first dig two graves." For even if this man does not kill you, and you succeed, then there may be another who seeks revenge on you because of it. Do you really want to keep fighting the same fight until you die, Cloud?"

Cloud let the silence fill the room as he pondered Leon's words. He wasn't suicidal, but he very well could be considered self destructive. Tifa had even said so back home. He wasn't sure if he was fighting to redeem his home world, or if he was trying to join everyone he had cared about. The idea of leaving Tifa alone hadn't even occured to him until she had said something about it.

Finally, he shook his head as a response. "That's the conclusion I came to." Another shrug. "...I came down here to see how the rebuilding had gone."

Fleeting thoughts of rebuilding his own world aside, Cloud had already realised that such an idea was nothing more than a pipe dream.

Leon allowed himself a flash of frustration. While he may be agreeing on the outside, Leon wasn't so sure that Cloud was truly listening. Raising one hand to his face, Leon decided it was time to play the ace card. "You know Cloud, in all honesty, think you are dodging a responsibility. A large one. I think you are ultimately afraid of death."

Allowing the statement a second to settle in the uneasy air a little, Leon turned and stared directly into Cloud's eyes, giving him a look that almost suggested he was trying to pierce through the man with just a gaze. He had been told before now that such a look was intimidating, but had no doubt that Cloud would barely even notice. He wasn't afraid of much, if anything, so a little glance wouldn't cut it. Still, maybe it would make him know just how seriously Leon was taking this. "I would never question your courage, or your mind, but I do question your heart. I have the utmost faith that you would not care if you perished. Wheter because of revenge, or because of old age, I am sure you would face it head on. The death I question that you do fear is Tifa's."

In one fluid move, Leon stood from the seat and thrust a finger accusingly at Cloud. He had to try everything he knew to try and get Cloud to see sense, but he was quickly running out of ideas. He hadn't exactly been a "leader" for very long, so he only really knew a few ways to motivate and help people that were in difficult situations. He still trusted by his sword more than anything else, but if it came to using that, then something was going wrong. "That man who destroyed your world and Tifa's, I can only assume that if he almost killed you, he must have at least come close to killing Tifa too. While your head may be telling you that you are hunting for revenge, your heart is screaming out to prove yourself to Tifa. To prove that she doesn't need to ever worry again, because you will be there to protect her from anything. When in reality, you are hurting her more in your absence."

Cloud finally stood up. He had already been mulling over everything that Leon was talking about. "Listen, I don't talk about myself well." He shot a returning glare at Leon. Talking on equal levels was fine with Cloud, but an attempt to intimidate wasn't welcome under any circumstances. He even growled, slightly, but it was more or less a non-verbal warning to back off, which was about as nice as Cloud's warnings got.

"I'm trying. Right now. To get my priorities straight." His expression darkened, more out of frustration than anger. He was talking and Leon was obviously missing the boat. "With Tifa. In my own head. It's going to take a little bit of time. But don't assume for one god damned second that I'm planning on sitting down here and moping the entire time, because I'm not."

Another grunt. Leon had definately hit a nerve. This interpersonal communication thing was difficult. And, if anything, Cloud was trying to get across the point that he was motivating himself. He didn't need it from Leon...

...maybe this was why he never really talked to people.

Cloud finally clenched his jaw, and took a deep, calming breath. "I'm sorry. You're trying to help. I know you're trying to help. But you're off base. Really off base."

To his own surprise, and hopefully Cloud's too, Leon actually let loose a smile despite the tangible tension in the air. "Good, I'm glad you are mad with me, Cloud. At least I now know you are still human, and not lost to your own thoughts."

Backing away slightly, to give Cloud enough room so that he would understand that Leon was visibly, aswell as mentally, backing off, he decided it was best to explain what he was doing. Maybe Cloud would hate him for it, or maybe not. But one thing was certain, King Mickey's situation looked bleaker every minute they delayed, and there was always the chance that Sora would be gone from Destiny Isles if they delayed too long. This wasn't the time to be bothering with such a thing, as there was only one and a half hours left until they left. "Look, my only real reason for coming today wasn't on anyone's behalf. And it definately wasn't to lecture you. But when Yuffie set me on "Cloud duty" I knew something must have been up. So I wanted to break the cold exterior guard you seem to be putting up for people, to see if there was still traces of the Cloud who helped me fight the heartless near the Great Maw. The Cloud who thought with his heart and his head, rather than one or the other. The Cloud we need right now."

Making his way towards the doorframe, Leon stopped just short, and turned around once more to Cloud. He was risking so much on securing Cloud's support that he was almost unsure wheter it was worth it. But in times of need, personal problems had to take a backseat. That was what Leon was doing, and why he was seemingly a little cold towards Cloud. "We are on our way to Destiny Isles. There is trouble brewing once again with the Nobodies, so presumably the Heartless will not be long in coming either. We need you by our side for this one, Cloud. Wheter defending Radiant Garden, searching for clues, or coming with us. We need as many people as we can get."

This was all very well and good, but Cloud was still a little confused as to why Leon would question if he was going to fight. He had been a confident fighter since he was old enough to carry a sword. Personal problems didn't carry over for the worse on the battlefield, they were by far his greatest motivation.

Leon was really trying to talk about two different people. "You know that's not a problem." He muttered. "I've never refused to fight for you before."

Tifa. He'd have to talk to Tifa, because he hadn't spoken to Yuffie at all. And while on some level, Cloud was appreciative, he was uncertain whether or not he should explain. There was an instinctual need to be alone from time to time.

"Just tell me where you need me and I'll go."