But if you could just see the beauty (original) (raw)

Wow. It's been a while. But I feel like I'm on the threshold of LIFE, so it might help to put some of my concerns and stuff down to paper... or you know what I mean.

I didn't end up taking the GRE or applying for grad school. Thank God. At this point, I'm so burnt out that I can't imagine spending even the next two years doing intense coursework to get my MA. Especially because I'd been reading how so many people with MAs in the humanities had been leaving it off their resumes altogether because jobs considered them overqualified. :/ I really love literature and literary theory, and I still want to get my MA at some point, but right now I feel like I've been in school literally for the past 16 years and I need to know what the real world feels like. I know I can succeed in academic settings, but I'm much more skeptical about my abilities in... The Real World. I know I'll figure it out somehow, but right now it's really stressing me out.

Thank God I have someone to go through this with. It's really an awesome feeling to go through life feeling like you're part of a team. Tim and I are definitely trying to officially move in together after college. And we're probably going out of state. Right now, we're both in the middle of the admissions process for Teach For America... meaning that we have no clue yet whether we'll get it or what. The more I think about it, the more I want it. If not Teach For America, at least something within education. I feel like the difference I've been looking to make with my pretty impractical major can be made in public schools. As cheesy as it sounds, I really want to inspire kids who feel like the odds are stacked against them to do something with their lives that they thought was out of reach for them.

Right now, I've taken my phone interview and have to wait till Wednesday to see if I go through for a final interview. Tim got through directly to the final interview because they thought he was awesome. :) So do I! I applied for my first choice to be in New Mexico because I want to specifically help the kids that are in the middle (literally the subjects) of this national immigration debate. I would love that opportunity. Realistically though, if we get it, we think we'll choose Colorado... the program is in the Colorado Springs/Denver area in that state, which is where Tim's parents and his sister Kelley are, respectively (or thereabouts). So we'll have a good support system anywhere we end up in Colorado. And there's probably a pretty good chance I'll get to work with immigrant/first-generation kids there anyway. :)

I rrrrreeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyyy hope at least one of us gets it. It'd be such a relief to have a much clearer idea of what our immediate future is going to look like. Tim probably has a better chance because they obviously love him and also he's a math/science major, which I think they're especially in need of. Hopefully the fact that I could potentially teach Spanish (definitely not my first choice, but I guess I could with a bit of training) will give me something of an edge? Probably not. It might just be that I live in Miami, but I feel like everyone can speak Spanish pretty much.

Otherwise, if we don't get it, I have no idea what we'll do. We don't want to stay in Miami really, but I'd feel weird about moving into his parent's house if that's what it came to. I don't think I'd do it. He could move in with mine, I'm sure, but I dunno... If not, then we'd end up thousands of miles apart for an indefinite amount of time; I'd probably have to get a job here and him there, so a few months would turn into a few years maybe and... no. We don't want that. I really hope everything turns out well no matter what happens with TFA. :) (But we really really want it!)

In the meantime, though, I still have the rest of this semester and the next to get through. Right now, I'm looking at three ten page papers due in less than five weeks. And a shit ton (A SHIT TON) of reading. And I haven't really started any of it. Senioritis has hit me pretty damn bad. I should probably get to all that right after I finish updating this (itself a product of procrastination) but I think the apartment could use some tidying up... ;)