Midnight Garden (original) (raw)

Today I did something a little strange: I told someone to go away. Those who have known me for a while know that I tend to allow things to go on despite how uncomfortable they make me because I don't want to be rude unnecessarily. I will be civil and courteous long after I have mentally reached the point of going "please just stop and go away".

Today it started with a text message, but I need to back up and start from meeting him. I'm gonna call him 'Guy'. So I'm walking on my way somewhere, enjoying a cup of coffee, when he stops me. Guy is selling something, which I do actually buy. He asks if he can have my number. He doesn't seem all that strange, so I give him my number. I'm having a good night and I honestly don't think it will amount to anything. Giving out my phone number is something I don't do very much because I'm bad about returning phone calls. Yet I gave him my number and moved on to where I was going.

The next morning, Guy calls me at about 9 in the morning. Color me surprised, but I pick up the phone and talk to him for about five minutes since I'm on my way to work. We sort of make a plan to talk again on Monday. Though the conversation is a little one-sided. He talks more than I do and makes an allusion to the idea of us becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, but I try not to make too much of it. Yet I don't totally dismiss it. Cue dropping the whole thing until further notice.

At some point, I take a look at his business card. His business card says 'Artist looking for a Wife'. Um...starting to get a little nervous about this whole thing.

So this morning, I get a text message from him. He asks if he can call me or I would call him, which he then signs: Love yah. The phrasing is casual, I know, but it sets off my alarms all the more. I don't respond. Instead I ignore the whole thing. Less than 20 minutes after I don't respond to his text message, he calls. I am now really feeling creeped out. I contact my sister and my best friend for a second opinion. Before I get a chance to hear from either of them, he calls again. I ignore the call again.

My creeper alarm is going off full blast now, something I would normally ignore in favor of trying not to start a confrontation. Get my sister on the phone and explain this situation to her. Her response: 'Oh no, that's a wrap. He has to go.'

She offers me two options: 1. Tell him to go away. 2. She can call him and tell him to go away.

Honestly, I considered letting her handle it for me. Truthfully, I was afraid of the possibly confrontation I could see looming on the horizon. Yet, I also realize that one of the things I've been working on recently is my ability to be assertive. To take up space as a person and get what I want, which includes being left alone when that is what I want. So I resolve to be the one to say something to him.

Since the text message started the issue for me today, I decided to respond via text message. I was polite and straightforward, including being very clear about my expectation to be left alone.

Hello. This text message (the one asking if he can call) makes me uncomfortable. You do not know me well enough to say 'Love Yah' to me in even a casual sense. Also calling me when I have not responded does not make me feel safe with you. I don't think things will work out. Goodbye. Do not call again.

Shut It Down is the post I credit with making me truly reconsider how much I listen to that internal alarm. Previously, I would have talked to him, perhaps even dated him, well aware he made me feel uncomfortable but unwilling to just break things off because I feel like I'm being unfair to someone else. Yeah, I have a hard time seeing how unfair this behavior is to me. This makes me feel better. Working on becoming a stronger person, someone who gets what they're looking for.