l0s1ng_1t's Journal (original) (raw)
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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded inl0s1ng_1t's LiveJournal:
| Saturday, January 6th, 2007 | |
|---|---|
| 3:44 am | I'm so scared that one day I'll be careless and someone will find this journal, or my eating record, or exercise notebook, or fitday account, and call me out on it. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I'm still fucking huge (150...goddd) after 4 years of this shit; how embarrassing would it be to have to go to counseling or have your mom watch you eat and still look like a chubby person? I'm scared that because I want to commit to my disorder so badly I will become depressed again....eating equals a healthy mind....but fat equals discontent...I can do it in a mostly healthy way, right? ((liar)) (1 Comment |Comment on this) |
| Thursday, October 5th, 2006 | |
| 10:51 pm | I don't speak. My life is meaningless. I have accomplished nothing. I wait for death. (Comment on this) |
| 2:18 am | I have to stop eating. I PUT UP EVERY EXCUSE AND I'M DYING FROM IT. I weight over 150; that's disgusting. The shape of my body is all curves folded over on themselves. It's disgusting, it's offensive, I am sick of it. (Comment on this) |
| Wednesday, May 31st, 2006 | |
| 12:44 pm | I NEED TO WEIGH 135 BY JUNE 18TH. That's 18 days, seven lbs. That means excercising every day, eating 200 calories a day, sleeping well. Also, you can't throw up. You need to have self-respect about this, you know.Sooo...begin.You need to make up for your sins of chips, chocolate ice cream, cookies and rice last night, you fat ugly bitch. (Comment on this) |
| Thursday, March 2nd, 2006 | |
| 2:06 am | I hate feeling like I have no control over my body. I eat and I eat and I eat because I have nothing else to do- I am afraid of not doing things right; food is always there for me to help me cope. I never leave the house, I'm afraid of the neighbors talking about how ugly I am. I throw up every meal I eat. I HATE myself. I hate the way food feels in my stomach; I hate the way I like chocolate and sugar and seeing everything come up. I love the way throwing up feels in my throat. I hate how I'm ruining my teeth; I love that I'm ruining my body. I want to be so thin people walk by and wonder if I have an eating disorder. (Comment on this) |
| Saturday, February 18th, 2006 | |
| 4:02 am | You need to weigh 115. By April. ASAP. LOSE WEIGHT. LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE-- YOU ARE DISGUSTING. DO NOT PUT IT OFF, DO NOT THINK YOU CAN THROW IT UP-- YOU CAN'T. YOU CAN ONLY KEEP FOOD OUT OF YOU. DO IT. YOU FAT FUCKING DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT. (Comment on this) |
| Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 | |
| 12:48 am | http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/994/593/1600/whenever.jpg (Comment on this) |
