a candle that's burning (original) (raw)

this was originally made for the au challenge at mixedvolume but livejournal ate this the first time i posted and now i've missed the deadline, but of course you still get it, because i worked hard, and i'm pretty sure marta (coffee_mill) would hurt me if i didn't share. she made the beautiful cover for this, and was really very excited when i told her i was mixing (i really hope it lives up to your expectations, my dear, and that it makes sense to a brain that isn't mine!). it's set, of course, in an alternate universe where river song is simply river song, a country girl born and raised in a remote village in the north of england, who goes to university in york to study archeology and history because while she'd love to go somewhere more interesting, to run off and read books and smoke too many cigarettes in paris and berlin and st. petersburg like ever girl her age does, she can't really imagine it.. ..or at least she can't until the doctor comes along. and despite the bit of stickiness in the beginning, they get on famously, to a point. she's young and she want's adventure, she wants anything but the overwhelming monotony of her daily routine, and she can't understand why he just won't give it to her. but it's tricky, their relationship; the doctor knows: certain events must happen in the correct order or they'll rip a whole in space and time. and so he has to leave her, and she never turns to look as his TARDIS materializes off the yorkshire moors or out of her flat in the city centre. it's difficult for her, with him always swooping in and out of her life, with a new girl in the console room nearly every time she sees him (each is prettier than the last, and every single one of them makes her angry), while she's sat at home slaving over research papers and making too much tea in the hopes he'll pop round. she hates him for it, sometimes, his ability to just waltz through those doors after dropping her home and just leave, and she yells until she's hoarse and throws the china because maybe, just maybe, it might get his attention. it does, it always does; his face will twist and his hair will fall into his eyes in a way that's more menacing and endearing and she has a full realization that he is the oncoming storm, just before he storms into the TARDIS and out of her life once again, slamming the doors shut. she rails against him in her empty flat, shouts and cries and shouts at herself for crying; she lets the boys from her archeology seminars take her out for nice dinners that are far too quaint after one's seen time and space and snogged the most amazing man in the universe, but they'll do, and anyways, that man is infuriating. and yet...he always come back at the exact right moment (he always get's the timing right when he knows she's cross; he hates that look in her eyes when she's hurt.), and she see's the candelight sway and hear that familiar, beloved vworp vworp and go rushing through the doors and into his arms without even a word to her date. it's difficult for the both of them; they don't stop fighting, of course, but neither do they stop loving. they're the doctor and river song: they fight and they love and they save the universe and they drink too many cups of sugary tea and they nearly die far too many times than is necessary. and they wouldn't trade it for all the sand in space florida.

a candle that's burning: an au doctor/young!river song mix

i. cast a hook in me...laura veirs
(...oh, i'll stand with you and marvel at the cosmos pink and bright, all the pages flipping backwards, until time is gone and wrong is right, like rivers running up the hills and down to the sea, where a merman with a twinkle casts a hook in me...)

ii. time stops...explosions in the sky
(...instrumental...)

iii. we will not grow old...lenka
(...you made me swear that our hearts will never die, no never, no never, cos no one seems to believe that we can fly, forget them, forget them, oh, you told me oh, we've got a long long way to go to get there, we'll get there, but oh, if there's one thing that we know, it's that we will not grow old...)

iv. if you're wondering...eisley
(...and i thought i had all that, that i wanted, but boy, was i wrong, as for you, now i know, if the moon shines on you while you're sleeping, it will show you all i'm feeling, and if i'm wondering then you show, if you're wondering, i know...)

v. hands on me...vanessa carlton
(...first saw you at the video exchange, i know my heart and it will never change, this temp work would be alright if you'd call me, you'd call me, i lie awake at night for you, and i pray, we cross the deepest oceans, cargo across the sea, and if you don't believe me just put your hands on me, and all the constellations shine down for us to see, and if you don't believe me just put your hands on me...)

vi. clementine...the decemberists
(...tell your mom to marry us, a candle to carry us, with cans on our bicycle fenders, so sweet and hilarious, and we'll find us a home made of packaging foam that will be there til after we die...)

vii. our window...noah and the whale
(...well it's four in the morning, things are getting heavy, and we both know that it's over, but we're both not ready, and you're talking like a stranger and i don't know what to do, and i'm callous and i'm cruel to everyone but you, and the stars shining through our window, and the stars shining through our window, and it's been a while since i stared at the stars, yeah, it's been a while since i stared at the stars...)

viii. calendar girl...stars
(...i dreamed i was dying like i so often do, and when i awoke i was sure it was true, i ran to the window, threw my head to the sky and said whoever is up there, please don't let me die..)

ix. christmas tv...slow club
(...it's okay to have scars, they will make you who you are, it's okay to have fear, it that means that you're not scared of coming here, and in the middle of the night just call if you want to talk, because you know that i want to talk too, it's not bad if you think of what might go wrong, but you can't blame me for secretly wanting to prove you wrong, it's okay that i pray that you will miss your flight, and have to stay with me another night, it's brutal, it's brutal, why can't you see, it's brutal, it's brutal, where have you been, cos we're far apart and my lonely heart finds it hard to get through the night, you pull me out of the dark and now it's light, you pull me out of the dark and now it's light...)

x. black hole...she and him
(...and it just get so foggy, it's nowhere in here, and it's everywhere else, that i don't want to be, but i'm stuck here, getting misty over you, i'm alone on a bicycle for two...)

xi. fools in love...inara george
(...fools in love gently hold each other's hands forever, fools in love tear each other limb from limb...)

xii. a candle that's burning...bayard russell
(...i don't know what you're thinking, but i hope you're thinking of me, i don't know what you're thinking, but i hope you're thinking of me, i don't know what you're doing, if you're trying to hurt me, i don't know what you're doing, but it kills me to think so, yeah, it kills me, not knowing what you're doing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're planning, what you're doing, who you're screwing, and it kills me...)

xiii. boys on their birthdays...slow club
(...you thought about me, and you said go, i thought about that, and i said no, you couldn't understand why a girl like me thinks the way i do, but i can't stand a boy who thinks things through like you, let's go back to the beginning of the nights that i've been regretting, let's go back to the beginning of the nights i've been regretting...)

xiv. the scientist...coldplay
(...nobody said it was easy, oh, it's such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard, oh, take me back to the start...)

xv. cosmic love...florence + the machine
(...i took the stars from our eyes and then i made a map, and knew that somehow, i could find my way back, then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too, and i stayed in the darkness with you...)

xvi. such great heights...iron & wine
(...i am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned, and i have to speculate that god himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces from the clay, and true, it may seem like stretch, but it's thought like this that catch my troubled head when you're away, when i am missing you to death, when you're out there on the road for several weeks of shows, and when you scan the radio i hope this song will guide you home, they will see us waving from such great heights, come down now, they'll say, but everything looks perfect from far away, come down now, but we'll stay...)

xvii. doors unlocked and open...death cab for cutie
(...somewhere down, down, down in the ocean of sound, sound, we'll live in slow-motion, and be free with doors unlocked and open, doors unlocked and open...)

xviii. this modern love...bloc party
(...instrumental...)

xix. vcr...the xx
(...you, you still have all the answers, and you, you still have them too, and we, we live half in the daytime, and we, we live half at night, watch things on vcrs with me, and talk about big love, i think we're superstars, you say we are the best thing, but you, you just know, you just do...)

xx. love me like the world is ending...ben lee
(...i can see so clearly when your smoke gets in my eyes, please me with your promises and hurt me with your lies, baby, can't you see the message i am sending, love me like the world is ending...)

xxi. onwards!...murray gold
(...instrumental...)

a candle that's burning