Saurians 2 (2023) (original) (raw)
Synopsis
Following new reports of strange crypto activity, a team of investigators venture into the infamous Fossil Valley, where dinosaurs attacked a group of people 30 years ago. Once there, they are transported into a lost world of Jurassic monsters they will have to battle in order to survive and get home again.
Cast
Popular reviews
It's not as charming when I know they're not up and coming film makers throwing everything at the wall to see what works. The hand puppets are cute though.
The cute little handmade dinosaurs are back and they’re adorable as ever but they’ll still rip your arms off and make you scream in bloody agony while dry humping you with their bodies and minds. An ear piercing noise that the dinosaurs emit which could be their mating call, or they’re malfunctioning robots, or they’re just really, really stoned. Neanderthals roaming the valley and taking random naps. Giant lizards and giant spiders taking up the whole screen. They’re huge! It’s your very own Jurassic Park in the lush Pennsylvania wilderness and the Saurians are watching your every move.
Advice: Don’t go to Fossil Valley, unless you’re the cryptic duo.
Just when you think you've seen it all. There was one part that just...wow.
Mind you, opera is blaring over this. From beginning to end. A character we've never seen before, a slender woman with a gothic aesthetic (to sound like an AI prompt) sits on a park bench reading a paperback novel. But then she starts getting texts, which appear on screen in 48 point font. And in Lisa Frank colors. Like, "hey gurl, r u goin 2 ur boo's," but she appears to be at least 20, and she's wearing all black, with a nose piercing, reading a trashy vintage gothic romance in the park...why is she texting like a Bratz doll?
Anyway, she's going to get some…
It's admirable that 100 million year old special effects were used to make this film look as authentic as possible.
A turd with eyes = dinosaur.
a true masterclass in “show, don’t tell”
I slapped myself eight times to stay awake.
Those were the best moments for that 1 h 40 minutes.
Extra half a star for the turd-o-saurus.
Tried to go see Godzilla x Kong or whatever the fuck it’s called and had to leave because of all of the kids in there watching tiktok videos on their phones during the movie. Got our money back and went home; watched this. That’s what my movie going life has become. I’m done going to theaters. I’ll just watch whatever crap Mark Polonia puts out these days. This is a sequel to his 1994 zero budget dinosaur movie, which featured effects so bad they recalled the plastic dinos in The Mighty Gorga. It’s crazy how Mark Polonia’s skills haven’t grown since 1994; if anything, Saurians 2: Son of Saurians is even worse looking than its predecessor. Sure it’s less hazy, but…
They padded the Dinosaur count with various large lizards, frogs and spiders.
I genuinely believe they are choosing the wrong filmmaking decisions on purpose just to troll everyone.
Glad to see Mark has a sign in his real house that says “Martha Stewart doesnt live here… Adjust!”
Saying the word "saurians", out loud, in a Pennsylvania Polonia dialect is really fun and you should do it.
I'm not even fucking joking when I say this… this movie used slurpasaurs… in *2023*.
Stoner dinosaur/10.