trusting fool... (original) (raw)

back in june, i packed up my whole life and moved from my home in germany back to the united states... i gave it all up, friends, family, job, apartment, security... because i had found it all... real love, a lasting requited love, a long term relationship... then i got here... and i found out he had lied to me from the minute we met, about pretty much everything... i found out that he had told all of his friends that we were no longer together more than a month before i ever got here, but never bothered to actually give me the courtesy of telling me it was over... he let me come here, alone, knowing no one in the whole state but him, and let me find out he was done with me by leaving me stranded at the greyhound station in a strange city at 1 am...
the worst part is not the incovenience of having to set up a whole life with no connections whatsoever...
the worst part is he was the only man i ever believed when he said "you are beautiful"...
the worst part is for the first time i threw out as much as i could of the old insecurities, and i believed him with my whole heart when he said "i'll love you forever"....
i believed i was special... when all i was is convenient...
and the thing that makes it so hard to throw out, to put aside... is that he never told me why... what i did wrong... what i was or wasn't that changed his mind so drastically...

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