Missionaries Need Love too... (original) (raw)

Listen.

I went home this weekend and saw Matt for the first time in two years. I wont tell all the details because it's really late and I don't get much sleep lately, but I wanted to inform you guys!

I got back home from school and Matt was at the dmv. I talked to his mom and we arranged for me to go there and surprise him, so that's what I did. I walked up to him and said, "excuse me, sir..." and he turned and said, "Si?" by habit. And I said, "are you Matt Grow" - and of course he's recognized me, but he played along and said yes so I asked for identification and he gave me his ID - well when I took it I was SHAKING. Goodness, it was overwhelming. So we hugged and talked and his mom got back and we - I don't know, we spent the weekend together, it was nice. He's afraid to touch me. We've only hugged. Which I understand. Saturday he had his party and we spent the whole day together then watched Dark Knight that night with our friend Mitch and Matt's brother to re-introduce him to movies. And he sat next to me, but we didn't hold hands. Then he walked me to my car which was sweet, and opened my door for me. Then we hugged and I went home.

Then as I was inbox(1)ing a friend of mine on facebook updating him on the situation, Matt called. So we talked for about two hours about a bunch of stuff. My conversion - a lot of spiritual stuff - and some other things - by the end of the conversation he was saying how awesome I am and how it had been the most fulfilling conversation he'd had since his mission. And then we were saying goodnight because it was very late and he said, "goodnight - I...love you." and I said it back and we laughed about how he had to gather the courage to say it and I said, "listen, you're going to have to do everything first, I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable." and he agreed and talked about how he had wanted to hold my hand but was freaked out.

So...that's about it. We've talked every night since then. He hasn't called me tonight. Maybe he's waiting for me to call, but I called earlier today and he didn't answer so I feel like he should call me back. Yeah? And maybe he wont and I'll probably feel really upset about that if that happens. But we'll just see, yeah?

We also had a really good conversation Sunday night about, like - future stuff. It was neat. But I'm not getting ahead of myself.

Wisdom? Speculation? Thoughts?

My boy of choice comes home on April 9th at noon. 25 days. I can't go to the airport because I have a one act that day and a rehearsal that night. Good news is that I could go home right after rehearsal - get there by 1 in the morning possibly, and either see him then or the next day. I'm so nervous. We've been pretty bad about writing lately, but it's only a reflection on how busy both of us have been. But even if it's just a reflection on that it still means that I feel less close to him. You know? I'm just nervous and don't know what to think about things - I mean I know that no matter what happens, I'll find happiness...it's just weird that these two years of my life are coming to an end. It's the end of an era! I'm sure Matt's probably more scared and has more right to be - because it's his entire life that's changing. But I think my fear is valid. Yeah? I don't know. 25 days...crazy.

Any words o' wisdom?

21 January 2009 @ 07:33 am

Anyone have/had a missionary but also date while he's gone? What did you do when you meet someone and are dating them? Do you tell your mish? Leave them in the dark until it turns serious?
Mark and I agreed that I would date while he was gone and I wouldn't tell him all that stuff, but I really didn't think it'd be an issue. And since I just told him I wanted to email less, I'm worried if he'll suspect.
I'm prolly worrying prematurely about this other guy but I'm just curious....

24 November 2008 @ 09:43 pm

Hey!
I just feel like updating. I'm not in any desperate state where I need to share information, but I was thinking about this community today and how much I miss it and appreciate it. So update it is.

Matt comes home in a little over four months. Which is pretty cool, but still far away. I miss him a lot but it's gotten to the point where he doesn't effect my daily life, do you know? I still think about him every day, but with less heart ache. I think our mission-relationship is a lot different from most of yours, as Matt is terrible at writing and he can't email me. So it's forced me to separate him from my daily life. And I think I've finally accomplished that. Which is cool in one respect, but kinda sad in another. He's still the person I want to talk to most about - everything - so I've just had to settle on finding others. Who are all great. But they're still not him. And I still get upset when I think about how long it's been since my last letter. And when my emails go without response - like, he usually refers to my emails in his emails - or at least answers my questions or concerns in a round-about-way through his emails. But the past month my emails haven't effected his at all it seems. Which scares me a little. But what can I do?

Basically, I'm trying to come to terms with the idea that anything could happen when he gets back. He could want something completely different. I've been so focused on me and what I'll want that I haven't really considered that he's changed a lot in two years, too. And that maybe he'll want something different.

I'm home, so I saw his family at church yesterday, which is always so fun. I love his family and we have a pretty good relationship. His younger brothers love me - one of them loves me a little too much - ha, in fact, last time I was over there, we took a picture of me on the couch in between Tyler and Jacob, his younger brothers, with their arms around me. And Matt's mom is sending it in her Christmas package. Cute. They always make me feel better. And Tyler is so so much like Matt it's adorable.

Anyhow, I'm rambling completely. Basically - that's what I'm trying to come to terms with. But it's easier said than done. Blehblehbleh.

Ok, happy almost thanksgiving!!

P.S. What are you guys doing for Christmas packages?

24 November 2008 @ 09:29 am

So.......MY MISSIONARY IS HOME!!!! Well, he's been home for almost 2 months, but I was at school 2000 miles away so we've only been able to talk on the phone, computer, text, etc. And while those things are sooo much better than letters, it's still no substitute for seeing him in person! Buuuut....I'm home now too!!!! Except I moved 5 hours away to Florida over the summer, so my plane got in Friday night and he woke up early and got to my house Saturday morning. Of course I was so nervous I felt like I was going to throw up and I kept looking out the peep hole to see if he was coming, but that was a bad idea because my little brother and sister had gone outside and so while I was leaned up against the door looking through the peep hole they opened the door and lo and behold David was standing right behind them!!! He laughed at me though and I grabbed him in the biggest hug ever. Then we went inside and hung out with my family for a few hours and made lunch. Then we walked around downtown and I took him to Ripley's Believe it or Not and we made reservations for dinner and then my family met us there and after dinner we started driving back to his house! The whole day he kept randomly grabbing me and just hugging me, it was so nice. So when we got back to Alabama he dropped me off at his sister's house where I'm staying and hugged me goodnight. Then yesterday morning we went to church and it was so wonderful to sit by him and watch all the little kids run to him and want to sit on his lap. After church he came to his sister's house with me and we all helped make dinner and the missionaries came over and ate with us. After they left we hung out and talked with his family and then his sister and her husband and me and David watched Iron Man and then he left and hugged me goodbye again! Today he is working a half day so he should be off in a few hours and I don't know what we are doing, but I think we're going to see Twilight tonight. It's so so so amazing to be with him again after 2 years and some months, but this is the thing....WHY HASN'T HE KISSED ME YET?! Is he nervous? One of the missionaries made a comment about how they were going to find the nearest girl when they got off the plane and kiss her and David said "Yeah and then she'll tell you that she can tell it's been two years since you kissed someone". Was that for my benefit? We've been holding hands and cuddling since we saw each other but If I leave tomorrow for Florida and he still hasn't kissed me I guess he doesn't feel the same way? Oh well, I know I'll always love David seeing as I have since I was 12, but I know no matter what we'll always be really good friends.

08 November 2008 @ 08:23 pm

Ever get one of those letters you cant help but reread and every time you do, you smile? I've kept all his letter's in a binder and over Christmas I plan to reread each one :+) In the meantime, his letter in response to my 'half package' and letter was basically amazing. Just thought I'd share/gloat. He's amazing and even though we (and everyone else) talk about having time to get reacquained, if feelings stay this way, the hardest part will just be getting back into showing that we feel this way ie holding hands, kissing etc.

I cut out the boring stuff between but just included the best parts.
( Lovely LetterCollapse )

29 October 2008 @ 06:39 pm

Just got the weekly email. Here's a section. Please read:

"Hey! That´s ridiculously insane that Joan won all that stuff on Price is Right. She deserves it. awesome that Tyler is 16 now. Hey is he going to get his license now? Can he drive his poor older brother around when he gets back since he surely forgotten how to drive? Jacob will probably be driving by the time I get back since the Church Headquarters approved my request for a year extention of my mission. "

Nothing else was written to indicate he was joking or serious. And he spelled extension wrong.

I called Nathan, who got back from his mission - wow, well over a year ago - and he said that never happens. That it's hard to even get an extra transfer. So I assume he's joking. But it upset me sooooooooo much. For numerous reasons. One - if it were true, why didn't he consult me at ALL about it? Two - if it's a joke, why would he joke about that? And not explain that he's kidding? Or think how it would affect me at all? Three - It hurts when his emails indicate he feels he has nothing to come home for - that he wants to stay forever. It just hurts, and it might not be very understanding of me. But that's how I feel.

I already feel better because I talked to Joe, Matt's best friend - and one of my best friends. And I actually just talked to his mom, too. Which was nice. She said I should say to him, "oh, no, another year? Then you'll miss my wedding!"

That's all. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

17 October 2008 @ 11:13 pm

Like aprevious poster (forgot your name sorry), my thanks goes to _thatonegirl_ for showing me this site.
My missionary is serving in Columbia, South Carolina and has been out for almost 12 1/2 months. It hasn't been too bad so far but I've been struggling.
Anyone had trouble wanting ot date but not really having much sucess finding someone you like enough? Or just in general, still in love with your missionary but sick of being alone? ......

07 October 2008 @ 03:02 pm

It certainly has been a while! The last time I posted was last November, shortly after my boy got home from his mission. Well, shortly after that post, he proposed. We got married on March 15, 2008 in the San Antonio Texas Temple. It was the most wonderful experience. I wasn't really nervous about getting married. Although we have had a few bumps here and there (planning was stressful), deep down I have always felt that this was right.

Anyway, we are very happy. We're very busy going to school right now. I can't believe that we have been married almost seven months and he has almost been home a year. So much has changed. I'm incredibly grateful that he served a mission and I'm grateful that it worked out between us. But even if it didn't (and believe me, I prayed many nights about the fear of what would happen if it didn't...as I'm sure some of you have), I KNOW that I would have been okay. Because I know that the gospel is true, and our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and He wants the best for us.

Don't ever regret supporting your missionary. Serving a mission can really help young men (and women) to make so many changes in life for the better; to reach for something higher...and to come to know the Lord more completely. As we support missionaries, we are helping a person to reach their full potential. And that is what real love is all about.

( A picture of us, for anyone who is curious (CLICK ON THE PIC TO ZOOM IN:Collapse )

07 October 2008 @ 12:31 pm

Just over a week ago, Andrew and I finally talked about the nature of our relationship. To tell a long story short, we are friends...nothing more. We were not on the same page--I wanted something more serious but he doesn't feel like he's ready for a relationship right now. He confided to me some issues he's facing that he feels prevent him from seeking a serious relationship at this time. No worthiness issues, but nonetheless, he is facing some serious ones. In order to not betray his confidence, I will not tell you. But I can tell you that it's going to take a long time and a lot of prayers for him to overcome these issues.

He isn't ruling out the possibility of things working out, but I cannot wait around for him. I can be his friend, but that's all for now. As cliche as it sounds, we are still friends, but we decided to reduce the amount of contact we have. Yes, there always runs the chance of things working out, but I am not going to count on that.

I'm sorry I am not telling you that after all that I have faced with him that things are going to work out. I guess something in me always knew that it wouldn't work.

I am still waiting, but not for Andrew anymore. I am still waiting for my returned missionary. Like I said several months ago, we are all waiting...whether it's for our missionaries or for the missionary we didn't know we were waiting for. God has a plan for all of us. If things do not work out with your missionaries, Heavenly Father has someone even more perfect for you in mind. Andrew was perfect for me on many levels, so just thinking that there is someone who's even better is mind-boggling. I just hope I don't have to wait too long.

I love you girls so much. I will keep you updated as necessary. You have always been supportive of me, even through the crazy times.