mahaliem (original) (raw)

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Yesterday was the six month anniversary of my husband's death. Although I still can't believe he's gone, I am doing better. I'm still trying to go to my bereavement support group which meets every other week. Twice now I've made my group laugh, which I guess says something about me and the way I handle even the most dire of circumstances.

I would like to take this time to again thank everyone who sent condolences through comments, e-mails, cards, etc. Also, thank you to those who have continued to lend me support and check up on me through e-mails and such. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to properly express how much everyone's kindness has meant to me. Truly, I'm not sure how I would've managed without all of you. Thank you.

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First, I have been incredibly remiss in thanking everyone for all the birthday wishes, cards, and e-mails. Also, thank you so very, very much to carolandtom, rickey_aspike7451nenne, and Patty for the v-gifts. It made a quiet birthday very special.

As for Valentine's Day – I feel rather flabbergasted. Thank you for the glass hearts from rickey_a, jasmasson, neptuneschild1, zebrui, wincest_drarry, tigersilver, kittie8571, ella_bane, golden_snitch12, alisanne, symetric, turnonmyheels, lrndng, Signe, karaz, entrenous88, and teot. Thank you also to all who sent e-cards. If you were all trying to make me feel loved, then you certainly succeeded.

I'm doing… okay. One of these days, I will actually type up a post that I've composed in my head.

I do hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day. *hugs to you all*

Not wanting to be home for the one month anniversary of my husband's death, I took a trip with my daughter. I got back on Sunday night and have spent the last couple of days trying to catch up on real life stuff as well as e-mails and comments.

The hd_holidays reveals are up. I received the amazing fic The Boy Who Only Lived Twice which was written by lettered.

I wrote A Devotion to Others for rurounihime and I am so very relieved and pleased that she liked it. My betas for this fic were the incredibly thorough and patient and hard-working and wonderfully sweet arineat and dolimir_k. The help I received from my betas was immense and I felt fairly comfortable about submitting this story. This is a big deal, as I'm usually quite anxious, and worry so much about errors and such.

Um...as for the bonus poem and illustration at the bottom of the story? Yeah, I did that myself. *hides face in embarrassment* I thought I'd just try to do a drawing that looks similar to the drawing Draco did in the third movie but... but Draco's drawing was much more detailed than I remembered. Why did I remember it as being stick-figurish? And Draco actually has a heck of a lot of detail in the drawing. Clearly, it wasn't simply something he jotted down in a few seconds. The boy spent some time drawing that thing. And then I had all sorts of problems trying to combine the various pictures and creating a gif (possibly because I have no idea how those programs are supposed to work.) Anyway, my admiration for fandom's artists, which was already high, shot up even higher.

I want to thank all of you who gave me virtual gifts, e-mailed me, or sent sympathy cards. I sincerely appreciate everyone's kindness.

Today was a sad day - one week since the funeral, two weeks since my husband died. Naturally, it was a rather subdued Christmas and I did my best to take it easy. One way I did this was by cooking yesterday so we just snacked on leftovers today.

Besides cooking, I did spend yesterday and today fiddling and reading on the internet. (I received an absolutely wonderful story on H/D Holidays titled The Boy Who Only Lived Twice.)

Tomorrow, I'll start back again trying to do everything one needs to at a time like this. I've already done a lot of it, but the list is pretty long.

Thank you all for the outpouring of love, sympathy, and support. It is appreciated far more than you know.

Finalized the funeral arrangements yesterday. My daughter went with me and was a huge help. Have spent most of today phoning friends, relatives, and my husband's former co-workers to give them the news. Still haven't contacted everyone. (Is it even possible to contact everyone who might want to know?) I think I have all the eulogists and pallbearers lined up. My mother is flying in tomorrow while my daughter heads back to school to take her finals. Meeting with the Pastor on Thursday. The funeral is Sunday. Should probably buy something new to wear to the service.

Because my husband has been retired for about 12 years and has been bed-bound for about 6, we really aren't sure how many people will be attending. I think I ordered too much food for the reception. However, after calling people, I'm now tempted to order even more.

So far, I'm handling things relatively okay. Contacting all these people is making me sporadically burst into tears. Last night, I was putting together my husband's obituary and couldn't remember when he'd earned his MBA. My first instinct was to call him to ask. Then it hit me anew.

I maybe slept 3 - 4 hours the first night. Last night, I may have slept 5. I'm hoping for at least 6 or 7 tonight.

After all these years, after all the times my husband came close to dying but somehow, to the doctors' surprise, pulled through, you'd think that I would be more emotionally and mentally prepared for this.

I'm not.

My husband died tonight. I doubt I'll be able to respond to you, but any thoughts or prayers would be sincerely appreciated.

Yesterday, dolimir_k posted an absolutely wonderful Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy story called Draco Malfoy, King of the House Elves which she wrote for me.

Her summary - Summary: After the war, Draco finds his own path toward redemption, with a little help from his major domo.

Sometimes, I read stories and wonder what Harry sees in Draco. (Heck, I've written stories that probably bring up that same question.) By the end of this story, Draco, thoroughly redeemed, deserves Harry.

dolimir_k writes with what feels like a light touch. She tells a story that invites you in and makes you care about the characters. There's a sense of realism to her work as well as downright ordinary human decency.

I'm still flabbergasted by this amazing gift.

I was really hoping to get some writing done this week but I've been so freakin' busy and generally short of sleep that it hasn't happened. I'm not even going to go into what all I've been doing because just typing it out is too much work. *grins* As of Saturday, though, I'm hoping that my life will calm down.

Also, is there some unknown law of the universe that says for every item crossed off a checklist, two more will appear?

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