Marriage Tips (original) (raw)

27 January 2011 @ 11:57 am

Participant Requirements:
• Are 18+
• Female in 1st time, heterosexual marriage
• Experienced parental divorce
• Have had contact with biological father in past 12 months

Thank you!

Dawn H. Haaz, M.S.

18 November 2010 @ 02:33 am

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17 October 2010 @ 11:53 pm

Hello, I am fairly new to this community. I like to vent some times about things, and would love to exchange advise with other married people.

You can add me as a friend if you would like :-)

Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful

16 October 2010 @ 06:20 pm

I just want to know why it is that when a girl likes sex she is considered a whore, but if a guy does it, they say he is a stud? Also if you want you can add me as a friend

Current Mood: curiouscurious

Current Music: All kinds

12 October 2010 @ 02:26 pm

Situation:
DH works 2 jobs, averaging 15 hours per day, Monday-Friday, with the occasional weekend.
I have 1 full time job, run a part-time freelancing business and take night classes towards my degree.
We are newlyweds (but have lived together for 2.5 years now), live in a rental house and are just barely making our bill payments.

Problems:
1. I end up doing 100% of the laundry and 90% of the cleaning on the average day. Occasionally, we will both clean the house in a couple of hours on the weekend. While I often spend my "home time" doing chores while I do other things (because I can't work/eat/relax in a really messy environment), he is quite content to go for beers with his friends or watch tv/play games.

I recognize that he really needs to be social when he has the time off and I tend to get more of that during the week just because of the nature of my work. I just want him to pick up after himself and/or recognize that the house doesn't magically clean itself. I make sacrifices of my own "down" time (what's that?) because I know it needs to be done. I am NOT a housewife and is definitely NOT the person I want to be in my marriage.

2. After we've worked long days/weeks, etc, he still somehow expects me to have a great sex drive. I don't. I'm exhausted by the time he gets home at 12:30am from his second job. Especially considering he works two physically and mentally demanding jobs, I really don't understand how it's possible that he is NEVER too tired for sex... and I am. We both get about 4-5 hours of sleep per night. I've started getting up at 5:30am to make sure

3. You got it! Money. He's always talking about getting a new truck (we have 3 vehicles that function - two that are old beaters we own outright and one truck that's already too expensive, IMHO) and buying electronics/DVDs/toys because he thinks we deserve nice stuff. I have refused to pay a penny toward our new tv and gaming console because I think it's a ridiculous waste of money when we have so much debt. I'm terrified that this childish financial behaviour is going to be the death of us and we won't have a pot to shit in. Don't get me wrong - I'm in the hole the same amount he is - I spent mine on education and travel. He spent his on vehicles and electronics.

How do I tell him that this behaviour just can't fly anymore without insulting/patronizing him? He prides himself on working hard (which he does) and thinks he deserves time with his buddies and nice things (which he does) - BUT he also needs to be an adult and make sure his responsibilities are taken care of first.

I had a talk with him about this yesterday and it's SO hard to find a solution and get in arguements because we both have so little time to change anything. I hate bringing up problems that potentially have no solution. These are recurring things that tend to get slightly better, then terribly worse, then slightly better, then even worse still...and so on.

Thoughts? Suggestions? I'm open to anything.

Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated

08 October 2010 @ 03:34 pm

I am a mom to 3 wonderful kids and a wife to an absolutely amazing man. Now first off I would like to say that although I am having these feelings and emotions, I still feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful husband. I love him with all my heart and all in all we have an awesome relationship. He is my second marriage and last:) We have been together now for 6 yrs. If you would like a little bio of how we met and all I have it listed in my bio on my profile page. He treats me with the utmost respect, never raises his voice, always is willing to help out, etc. The thing that I loved the most about him when we met was how we used to talk and spend time together. We talked openly about our feelings, hopes and dreams, we went out together as a couple, we laughed, etc. And when we had any chance to be together we took it. Now I am feeling all of that slowly slip away. I am a stay at home mom due to mainly kids and transportation issues. He works from about 7 in the morning till around 7 at night 5 days a week. I miss him and I miss us. Usually during the week I dont get out very much, we dont have alot of money so when he gets his check on fridays, the weekends is when I go out and do shopping, paying bills, etc and by monday all the money for the week is gone lol. There was a time when there would be no question about this...if I was getting out to go do something and he was home he came with me, not because I asked him but because he wanted to, it gave us more time to spend together. Ever so often he would surprise me and take me out to eat when we had the money. Or he would light the house with candlelight with music and food after the kids went to bed. Now it seems as if all thats gone. It has gotten to where on the weekends when I go out to run errands, get groceries, etc..I am always going by myself. Now the thing is...is that if I asked him would he go with me...he would go without even a grumble...but from my point of view if he really wanted to go and to spend time with me, he would just come, or ask if I would like him to come along...but he doesnt. So that makes me feel like he doesnt want to go. And in my eyes if I have to ask him if he would go with me then I would rather him stay home because I would know that he was only coming because I asked and not because he truly wanted to. I sit at home all week long in these 4 walls with no one to talk to..my life during the week consists of cleaning house and facebook lol. I am on facebook alot because thats the only connection to other human beings I have. I have close friends and family on there and it makes me feel a little bit normal. Thats another thing that bugs me...he has a facebook also but basically only uses it to play a game or two and to see if he has any messages. I will be sitting at home and sometimes throughout the day I will post something about how much I love him or how thankful I am of him, sometimes I will post status shuffles to "hint" to him how I am feeling and he most of the time never reads them. If I want him to read them I have to tell him...hey I posted something I want you to read and then he will go read it but even then he wont comment...he'll just say something like I love you too sweetie to my face lol. It may seem trivial and it might just be a manifestation of my feelings and emotions on us not ever doing anything together anymore but it hurts and I get so jealous because I see other husband and wives writting each other all the time on facebook and I wish that we were like that. I mean..do I just not mean that much to him anymore to where he has no interest in what I have wrote throughout the day? I think if the tables were turned when I got home his page would be the first I would go to if I knew he was on facebook alot simply because I want to be as much part of his life as possible. Maybe thats just it..I dont feel like he is a part of my life anymore...I am married and we love each other but everything that is part of my immediate life I do solo. I sit at home by myself, I am on facebook by myself, I go run errands by myself, I go grocery shopping by myself. I just feel so alone and as my screen name says...invisible! I remember back when we were dating and for several years afterwards how much passion I saw in his eyes just when he looked at me, kissed me, or took me in his arms and I miss that. I have talked with him before on this to some extent and he says he loves me as much as he always has, that its not me but him. He says he has so much stress on him right now with bills, work and also he is in alot of physical pain from working that no one can do anything about. He says he trys to hide alot of the pain because he doesnt want me to know how much pain he is in but I see it and I know. Most of the time after a weeks work he just doesnt feel like getting out and doing anything on the weekends except resting and getting ready for the next week ahead. I truly can understand this, I really can but what am I suppose to do with how I feel? Am I just being selfish and should I just accept it and learn to deal with it? That this is the way its gonna be from now on? One other thing I feel that may be adding to it is that I dont feel he truly understands what I do and go through each day. I feel that he feels I just sit around and do not much of nothing all day and that I am lazy and he is the one out there busting his butt. Could this be one reason why he feels differently for me and isnt as interested in me as he used to be? Although he says he still does? I am by no means a clean freak and I dont cook much...I used to cook more often back when our oven worked but after it broke I slacked off even more from cooking. But I still cook a big meal several times a week and the rest is stove top dinners, etc. And although my home doesnt look all that clean I do clean alot throughout the day!! I do several loads of laundry, sweep, pick up, clean the yard, take out all the garbage, re-pick up all the garbage when the dogs get into it lol. We have 5 people in our family so its REALLY hard to keep the house looking spotless with that many and I sometimes get overwhelmed by it all feeling like its all on me and I never get a thank you or acknowledgment for the effort I put into it. Im the one who worries when the kids are going to need new clothes, how are we gonna pay for it, when the kids need stuff for school, which bill are we gonna pay this week and how much, the past week I had to go to walmart to buy a gate for our puppy and as I stood there in walmart (as usual by myself) I started feeling resentful that I was having to stand there and decide which one would be best without any help or input. I guess I just dont feel like we are a team anymore and its killing me!!! I dont know if its me or him or what, all I do know is that I just feel like crawling into a hole and dying at times and that no one would care or even notice. I just wish we had some of that togetherness back and some of that romance back....I miss him..I miss us:(

P.S. I am so so sorry for the length of this..it has been built up for awhile now and I had nowhere to release it where I felt safe:)

Current Mood: lonelylonely

Current Music: Only God Knows Why

01 September 2010 @ 10:34 pm

So my husband and i have been together for 14 years plus we lived together for a year and a half prior to marriage, and we have 2 children together. But lately i have felt so alone he is texting other woman he meets on line he goes and see's his ex that comes up from time to time which they all know he is married and has children, but never have they ever invited me or the kids out to meet them. I understand that she was a person in his life that meant something as was her family, but why do i feel so betrayed by this. He tells me all the time of it bothers me i should say something to him, but i feel that this is something he should know is not right. Am i being just a jealous wife or do i have ligitiment feelings here. I have talked to others about this but they are friends and i cant help but feel that they say what i want to hear. Anybody out there have any advice. I have stuck by this man through a lot of thin and thick, i have worked when he could not, i have been his leaning post whenever he needed me, i kept things together when he was unable. Now i know this is all in my vows which i take seriously, is he taking them as seriously as i do. Or is this a woman thing?

Current Mood: confusedconfused

21 August 2010 @ 01:20 am

hi everyone! i am new to this and not really sure how it works.

My wife has been treating me horrid for years now and I just cant take it anymore. Also she has appearently been talking bad about me in so many places online that everywhere I have looked for dvice on this had called me numberous negative things. I just want constructive advice if you have a question please ask Ill awnser if you have read one of her post making me look like satin please ask be about for my side before calling me a dick or soemething and ruining the reason Im here.

For example today I gave her a car and just asked for what I put into it. (about 400)Ifinallytalkedherintotakingitbecauseshehasnocarherswasstolen.Itoldhertomorrowwewouldgogetaradioforitandwestartedlookingatradiosonline,IinsistedshegetanHDradioforthebettersoundandshewantedonethathadascreenwithscreensaversanddolphinsjumpigaroundonit.Iwaswillingtospendaround400) I finally talked her into taking it because she has no car hers was stolen. I told her tomorrow we would go get a radio for it and we started looking at radios online, I insisted she get an HD radio for the better sound and she wanted one that had a screen with screen savers and dolphins jumpig around on it. I was willing to spend around 400)Ifinallytalkedherintotakingitbecauseshehasnocarherswasstolen.Itoldhertomorrowwewouldgogetaradioforitandwestartedlookingatradiosonline,IinsistedshegetanHDradioforthebettersoundandshewantedonethathadascreenwithscreensaversanddolphinsjumpigaroundonit.Iwaswillingtospendaround100 for a radio but the one she was looking at was $300 when I told her she couldnt have it she threw a bitchfit and started treating me like crap it escolated tot he point that I told her she wasnat sleeping with me after treating me this way she was "going to sleep on the couch" as it were. Shortly after that she started packing her stuff to move out. This happens ALL the time and I just cant deal with it anymore, Ive tried talking to her but she wont talk to me, and she openly admitts shes "spoiled".

Any constructive advaice is welcome but please no insults.

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

It has been about six years since I got married. We had a lot of difficulty adjusting since my husband is an uber-organized person and I am relatively laid-back. For instance, he believes that "A place for everything and everything in its place" and that this should be followed at ALL times. I do my clearing up weekly once or twice, which was simply unacceptable to him. Anyway, I got around to clearing up all the time and really, it wasn't too bad, as I discovered.

We now have two children - our first one is 4 years old and the second one is 18 months old. I quit my job when the second one was born and I have been home. However, the two children take up most of my time (my older one goes to preschool) and I lag behind with the house work. For example, when I put the clothes for wash and then into the dryer, I don't have the time to fold them immediately. Sometimes it takes hours and on some occasions, the clothes lie in the basket for a day or two. Or three.
My husband has a job that takes him out of the city for half the week (he started this job two years ago).

Here is where our problem begins again: Each time he comes back, I am under great pressure, because ALL that he can see is the messy house. The room where he sleeps is his safe haven - I don't mess up that place. But the kitchen the living room, the drawing room - this is where the kids play and it is not always clear or clean. The bathroom has things on the counter (another bottle of lotion, for instance, my daughter's hairbands) and that irritates him. I don't clean my toothbrush head as well as he does and that irritates him. When I used the microwave a few minutes before he did, some oatmeal splattered - I cleaned it but not well, so there were a couple of spots left and this irritated him.
You get the idea - every little bit in the house catches his eye and irritates the heck out of him.

I feel sad and angry that he is not able to look past these things now that we have two children in the house! Our toddler is a naughty one and at this stage, I can't leave her even for a minute. In the evenings, I fall asleep along with the kids and do not get much time for myself at all. In the mornings, on some days, I do get time, but that is just enough to load the dishwasher, unload it, and clear the kitchen a bit. The truth is that I am always lagging behind with housework and....this is not on purpose! Why can't he understand it? And yes , I am not as fast as he is, SO??

I have begun to HATE it when he is back home, since he is annoyed all the time and keeps going "Tch tch tch" and often gets furious.
From his point of view, he gets back tired and even the slightest clutter irritates him, but what about me? At least he comes back home to rest - what about me? When do I get some rest?!! Can't he see that??

Today he left for work again and I found myself wishing that he'd stay there for a week or two, so that I could have some peace! This is not a good direction for the marriage.

Any suggestions/thoughts/ideas to make the situation better would be appreciated. Thanks!