Musings on an upcoming Bat Mitzvah (original) (raw)

| Daniel the California Highway Guy posting in The Liberal Judaism Mailing List on Livejournal | | | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | |

nsshere’s Bat Mitzvah is this coming December (last parasha in Genesis). As such, we’re starting to think about the specifics (we had the date and the social hall reserved last June). We’re also starting to look to other B’nei Mitzvot for inspiration... and horror stories. Most of these are being reported to me by nsshere herself, as her friends are also at that age, and she’s getting a lot of invitations.

First, a comment on this. It seems the trend now is to invite just the kids (just like birthday parties), with a note to the parents to pick them up at a particular time. Economically, I can see why this is being done. Meals are typically the most expensive part of the reception. You don’t want to add the whole family. But looking at it, it also seem telling. When I grew up, not only did kids know kids, but parents knew the parents. The kids socialized; the parents socialized. This seems much less so now, and I think it reflects how society has changed. But I digress.

nsshere has gone to a number of services and receptions; after each one I talk to her about what she liked and didn’t like. I’m pleased that this is reflecting the quality of the head on her shoulders; she has already written in her blog “I want a normal person party. My daddy isn't a fountain of cash, is he?” Smart girl, that one!

One thing that she always comments on first is the service, not the reception. She’s realized it is poor form when the celebrant is not well prepared, doesn’t know the trop, cannot lead the service. She also doesn’t like it when the celebrant has minimal involvement in the service. These observations are good things, for when her training begins in earnest (5/22, according to the letter we just received), they will push her into doing a good job. I think we’re also at a good congregation for involvement, for the clergy believes in (a) having the kid almost all of the service, and (b) making sure the kid does a good job and has a positive experience. I still wish Rabbi Sheryl was down here, for I loved her approach, but you can’t have everything (those of you in Sacramento: appreciate your gift).

One decision she’s growing to appreciate is our decision to hold the reception in the social hall. She’s been to receptions in hotels, at the LA Equestrian Center, at the LA Zoo. She’s been to some very ritzy ones, and I think she’s beginning to realize that the glitz isn’t everything. You also don’t need a crazy bus driver to take you from the sanctuary to the social hall!

So what does she want for the reception? A theatre theme. A lot of her friends (right now, our guest list is at around 115). She wants everyone to be served the same dinner (no kids meals), ideally from a temple member who has a catering business. She’s thinking middle-eastern: chicken, israeli salads, hummous, veggies, etc. She doesn’t want a loud DJ with stupid games and even louder suggestive music. She’s into showtunes and the Spice Girls, and is thinking of some form of karaoke or “American Idol” type of competition, with kids singing showtunes or Spice Girls. She also wants lots of Israeli dancing, and has talking about a zmirot session in the past (although I’m not sure this is current thinking). We’re already talking about designing our own “Playbill” style invitation--I don’t think she wants the fancy extra engraved ones. We’re still figuring out the other stuff.

So, why am I telling you this? I’d love to hear your experiences with this type of planning. What has worked for you? What hasn’t? How do you keep things centered in this era of excess?

[This is crossposted to cahwyguy and mlj_on_lj. Please note: Any LJ user can post on mlj_on_lj, subject to moderation. Only members of mlj_on_lj can respond to posts, so join today!]