Through My Confessions, a Promise of a New Tomorrow (original) (raw)

Title: Through My Confessions, a Promise of a New Tomorrow
Rating: PG
Fandom: CSI:NY/CSI:Miami
Pairings/Characters: Angel and Samantha
Seasons/Spoilers: The only spoilers are for an event which I haven't written yet, but will sometime soon.
Summary: "It sucks that you have to miss it, but I promise to do my best to enjoy every minute of them for the both of us."
Author's Notes: This isn't exactly the way I wanted to do this, but it is better than anything I've come up with before.

It was late afternoon on the second day of the reunion, and as much as Samantha loved seeing everyone and spending time with the family, she had the strongest urge to visit her brother's grave and to talk to him in peace. So when everyone left the house to do their own things that afternoon, as soon as she could, she headed to the graveyard.

When she arrived, she was a little surprised to see that someone was standing next to John's grave. As she got closer, she realized that it was Angel, which made Samantha a little angry. This was, to her knowledge at least, the first time that Angel had visited her brother's grave and to do it at a time when all Sam wanted to do was share a few moments with her brother, well it pissed her off.

"What are you doing here?" Samantha asked, a little more defensively than she meant to, which she realized as soon as the words left her mouth and apologized. "Sorry. Sorry. It's just..."

"I know," Angel replied with a nod. "This is your place, I know."

"So what are you doing here?" she asked again, this time voice was filled with curiosity.

"I wanted to introduce Maria to her uncle," Angel said and nodded to a tree about twenty-five feet away from where they were standing. Samantha looked to where Angel was nodding and saw Maria running around the tree, chasing a butterfly.

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her that her Uncle John was an amazing and caring man and that he would have loved her very much. I also told her that he got sick and had to go away to Heaven to be with his mommy and daddy who would take care of him and make it better." Angel frowned slightly, when she realized that Samantha was starting to cry. "Are you alright?"

For a moment Sam thought that it was raining, until she too realized that the moister on her face was just tears. She quickly wiped them away and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. Fine." she said, after clearing her throat a few times.

Angel nodded and took a few steps back, so Samantha could stand at John's grave relatively alone. She watched in silence as she knelt down to lay the flowers on the grave and say a little prayer. Once she was sure that Samantha had had her moment, she stepped forward to stand by her cousin again and after a few minutes of silence, spoke. "I had a miscarriage the day before John's death."

Samantha's eyes widened in shock, as she turned to face her cousin. "What?!"

"I know this is a fucked up place to do this, but I feel like if I don't do it now, I probably won't ever."

"Why didn't you say anything before?"

Angel shook her head. "Couldn't, I didn't want to be selfish."

"Angel-" Sam began, but stopped when Angel put up a hand.

"You just lost your brother," she said, turning to face her cousin.

"And you just lost a child" Sam countered.

"A child who I didn't even know...not really." Angel ignored the cracking her in voice and continued. "Your brother was your whole life at that point and when he died, your world was just gone. My parents and brother were the only family you had left here and I couldn't take them away from you."

"Does anyone else know?"

Angel shook her head. "Aside from Lexis, you're the only one. I've been meaning to tell everyone, but it's not really something you can casually bring up in a conversation."

Sam grabbed her cousin and hugged her close. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too," Angel replied.

They clung to each other for a while, tears falling silently on each others shoulders. Only when Maria came up to them, did they break their embrace.

"Mama?" the little girl said.

Angel got down on a knee, so she was eye level with her daughter. "Yes, baby?"

Maria pulled out a dandelion from her dress pocket and pointed at John's grave with her free hand.

"Do you want to put it on Uncle John's grave?" Angel asked and the girl nodded. "Okay honey, go ahead."

Samantha and Angel both took a step back and with fresh tears in their eyes, watched as Maria tried her best to replant the flower next to the headstone. When she was done, she ran over Samantha and produced another flower from her pocket, which she gave to her.

"Thank you," Sam smiled and tussled the girl's hair.

Maria giggled, then ran back to Angel and hugged her leg.

Angel picked up her daughter and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Ready go to?" Maria nodded. "Okay, we'll go." She turned to Samantha and added, "Unless you want us to stay?"

Sam shook her head. "No, that's okay. I kind of want a few minutes alone. But I'll see you back at the house."

"Okay," Angel said with a nod and then left.

Once she was alone, Sam got down on the ground and placed the flower that Maria had given her, next to the one that she had "planted" for John. When she was done, she stood back up and said to the headstone, "We've got an amazing family and it sucks that you have to miss it, but I promise to do my best to enjoy every minute of them for the both of us."

She spent the rest of the afternoon filling John in on everything that had happened and telling him all about the children and what was going on at the reunion. When it started to get dark, she said her goodbyes and went home, where she felt a little renewed and ready to enjoy the rest of the reunion.