A Public Entry, For A Change (original) (raw)

Sorry to those of you who read here often, whomever you are... I know I haven't been writing posts that you've been able to see as often as I used to.

Mostly, the private posts have been about my getting acclimated to a new city, family, school, and lifestyle, about missing those I've parted from while I complete this degree, and about a boy I care deeply for.

I've spent a decade on this journal, literally 10 years, and it's been rare that I've hidden anything I've written from the eyes of anyone who cared enough to seek me out, to read my thoughts, and to remember them for more than a moment after navigating to another page. I've been a big believer in not hiding, and a realist in doubting there was anyone reading to hide from.

But in this case, especially with this boy, things are in a place where I can't yet spill my guts and allow him to fully understand how deeply I care for him. I hope someday they will be, but for now, the words and emotions go into the journal rather than into his ears. It is for that reason that I've been hiding posts; because those are words for him and because I believe that they are sacred between us, even if he doesn't yet know them. I hope you'll understand and forgive my apparent absence here.

As for other areas of life, I am re-acclimating to being a student and to the amount of work, stress, planning, and paper writing that requires. I am beginning to get more used to my surroundings here, and I am in the early stages of preparing to email my resume around to begin seeking work to begin in September. More than anything else though, I am continuously amazed and grateful to discover my friends' ability to continue to make themselves present in my life, to email or write or text or call or visit or send carrier pigeons or whatever else they're able to help me to not feel like I've left them behind when coming here to finish this degree and for that, I am so incredibly appreciative.