Well, it's You-Know-Who's Birthday (original) (raw)

No, not that one, this one. And I thought it appropriate to post an excerpt from one of my favorite Wandwielder novels. Simmerous Snate and the Voluptuous Vanishing Iguana was Wandwielder's least successful novel. Many thought it too dark, somewhat lacking in actual smut, and starring a lead character who was frankly quite unsavory (certainly not the typical dashing Wandwielder romantic hero). But many find it to be one of his most artful endeavors, with better characterization, and a more believable tension between the couple.

*****

“I know it was you,” Simmerous spat. “You’ve been spying on me, Miss Gimolas.”

Aguna took several steps forward, until she was inches from his sallow face. “Prove it,” she said in a whisper that sent chills down Snate’s spine.

“Blue iguanas are extremely rare, Miss Gimolas,” he replied, composing himself as she returned to a safe distance. “It is frankly an insult that you thought I wouldn’t be suspicious at seeing such a creature not only in my office but in the entire United Kingdom.”

“I thought no such thing. I knew you would start to ask questions. In fact, I counted on it.”

“Counted on it?” Snate said in an uncharacteristic tone that suggested he had been - could he have been? - caught off his guard.

“Certainly,” she said calmly. “Please continue.”

“Continue what?” He was growing more and more unsettled. He wasn’t used to the feeling and he didn’t like it at all.

“Proving my guilt, of course.” She gave an enigmatic smile.

“What?! Miss Gimolas, I know you’re an illegal Animagus. You know you’re an illegal Animagus. All that remains is for

you to explain yourself. Unless you’d like to be handed over to the Ministry of Magic.”

“Are you threatening me?” Her face was flushed with exhiliration.

Suddenly, wonderfully, he understood the game she was playing. Determined not to give her the upper hand, however, he gave her a cold sneer. “What do you think I’m doing?” he said in a voice that oozed with sinister silkiness.

She almost swooned, but drew up her strength to keep her cool. “I think you want me to think you’re threatening me. I think you’re drawn to me, and you want to test me to see if it’s worth letting down your guard.”

“You’re a fool, Miss Gimolas,” he said, taking a step toward her.

“Not as big a fool as you, Simmerous.” Aguna took a step toward him.

“You may call me

Professor Snate.” He took another step toward her.

“As you wish, Simmerous.” Another step.

They stood still for a moment, daring one another to make the next move. Calm as a cucumber, Aguna gave a little smile. “Well, if that’s all, Professor, I’m going to bed.” She strode calmly past him, but he grabbed her arm with his bony hand. She felt his hot breath in her ear.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he whispered.

She pretended to try and wrench herself free, but his grip grew tighter. He forced her to face him, and when she did, her eyes were lit with an unquenchable fire. There was no going back now. He picked her up with both arms and carried her into his bedchamber. He slammed the door shut with his foot and spent the remainder of the evening showing Aguna Gimolas exactly how much he loathed, despised, and adored her.