Notes to Machines (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	annoyed	]

Dearest Virtual Desktop in use for email search,

I just want to print the effing emails and their attachments. I realize that this will mean opening the attachments in their appropriate programs. Opening only! Not changing! I want the documents AS THEY ARE, as per my boss.

As such, NO, I don't want you to save any changes...not that I made any!

NO, I don't want you to update the spreadsheet function calculations! First of all -- update them with what, exactly? As stated previously, I'VE MADE NO CHANGES. What about "I WANT THE DOCUMENT AS-IS!" do you not fucking compute? Second of all -- how is this pertinent to printing the damn thing?

And NO, there is no issue with network connectivity to the printer, nor is there an issue with memory. Stop lying to me with these errors!

We have a metric assload of messages to go. Stop stalling with your B.S. and go already! These documents are for legal purposes and I'm under fire here. Shut up and print! Either that, or get a fucking clue and start prompting me with a "No to All" button.

Absolutely no love,
The temp who doesn't have the patience for this garbage when mountains of paperwork must be produced by the end of the day.

P.S. In case it wasn't clear the first 239847359 times,

NO!

Also!

Dear Printer,

You are a (supposedly) state-of-the-art piece of machinery so quit your bitching (Paper Jam OHNOES!!!11) and get to work. Make yourself worth the undoubtedly thousands of dollars that this company spent on you before I use one of your bretheren and disrupt the entire floor.

Eat me,
The same disgruntled temp.