A couple of "good"days and fear of the scale.... (original) (raw)

WOW!! Just a few months ago I had the momentum of a freight train with my recovery....and now I am limping along, stringing a day or two...then relapsing. It is amazing how powerful this disease is...making me do what I do not want to do. Well, today I have 4 days of abstinence, yet I have MASSIVE fear of the scale. Monday is weigh-in day. Last week I was in San Fran. so I did not weigh in(I am obsessive about weighing in exactly the same time of day and with the same scale) But in 15 minutes I will weigh in on my scale...and I am in total fear. One thought is that I would have gained weight last week(based on my relapses) but since I didnt weigh myself, then I dont know how much. And now since I have had 4 good days(a record for me based on the last few months) I am certain I will have lost some weight. So...here I am....fear of the scale. The good ol days of recovery, I would welcome the number...now I am in fear.
On another note, I am feeling so less than. In recovery, I had such confidence, such good sef esteem...felt attractive to the opposite sex. Now...I feel pathetic...
I have to get the willingness to do the deal 100 percent again!! But...for some reason I am wallowing in self-pity...DAMMIT!

http://www.youtube.com/user/OAWorldService

Have been in OA since September 13, but had one slip in the week I had surgery on my foot. Since then, I have been abstinate for 34 days. Just a…

So I am barely holding on...Last night was Halloween. I made sure I bought candy that would not trigger me...but I found something that was buried in…