A Support Community for Friends and Family of OCD Sufferers (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	frustrated	]

I started this community as a place for friends and family of OCD sufferers to find support. In my travels around the internet, and even offline in the medical community, I have found that there are very few resources for individuals whose lives are in whatever way entangled with those of OCD sufferers'.

I am 25 years old, and my fiance has OCD (contamination/cleanliness issues). While I love him dearly sometimes he just drives me totally nuts. Like today, when the first thing he said to me was "Hi Sweetie! Don't let your pants cuffs drag on the ground!!" then "Don't kiss me. I'm dirty. Go wash yourself now." and "Don't step on any dog poo on your way back across the lawn!!" Then later he got upset that I asked the neighbour to borrow a cup of flour for my bread because she had been working in her garage- apparently that's bad... then it was "then make sure you wash your hands thoroughly." (which goes without saying cause it's something I have agreed to do when coming back into the house from outside) then- "Are you sure you did it well???"

We have been living together for 2 years and dating for almost 3, though we've known one another since age 12. I never knew he had OCD until we got together officially 3 years ago.

I feel very panicked about his OCD and its effect on both of our lives. I feel it was possibly a mistake to ever have allowed him to entagle me in his rituals, or to have ever 'given in' to any of his requests in the first place. But at the same time, I know we would never have remained together either if I hadn't done so.

I feel panicked and alone, because I never know if what I'm doing or not doing is helping or hurting him. We are trying to seek professional help and support together, but so far it's been hard to find a good doctor and support group in the area, and the search goes on.

He's made huge strides in the time I've known him- truly, and I'm very proud of him. But some days it all seems to slide backwards.

What started out as: "You know now that I have OCD, and I think we can live together and do this. The only thing I will ask, however, is that you have a shower every night before bed, because that will help me manage my anxiety." turned into "ok, the only thing I ask is you wash your hands when you come in from outside..." "The only thing I ask is that you don't use public washrooms..." "The only thing I ask is that you don't touch the ground or anything that touched the ground..." "ok, The only thing I ask is that you don't touch the underside of anything- like a desk or shelf, incase someone's gum is under there." "the only thing I ask is that you not step on the area where our shoes have been, and sort of hop off over that area onto the floor." "the only thing I ask is..."

And if I say no to any new request he gets SO upset, and I for that matter feel so guilty and mean, that I almost never ever say no.

I worry about our futures together, because I spend so much time being quietly internally angry with him for being so controlling. And I can't imagine how we could ever have kids, or lead a more normal life.

I'm willing to make compromises to help him (for example, we tried once coming up with 5 steadfast "rules", and anything beyond that I could say no to- didn't work at all!! lol). I just don't know which ones are the right ones to make. And for that matter if 'compromising' is of benefit anyway.

Does anyone else have experience with this?
Have you ever recieved advice from a professional about how to cope as a friend or family member of an OCD sufferer?
Anyone else wanna rant??! :-p