Only In My Head's Journal (original) (raw)

Persona
A Play in One Act
by William Meeks

BEN, a nice guy
IRENE, BEN�s girlfriend
MELODY, BEN�s best friend

The play takes in a college town, like State College, PA or Athens, OH.
Scene 1
(There is a bare stage.)
BEN: (Offstage) It means I�m at a turning point right now. Maybe if you weren�t so frigging self-centered you would know that.
(BEN and IRENE storm onstage from R. and approach center)
IRENE: What does my state of mind have to do with any of this? Why am I always. . .
BEN: Pause! (IRENE Freezes, BEN gives an aside) She�s so cute when she�s angry. See how her face sort of elongates and her complexion gets a shade of red that�s really sort of passionate? When I met her, she was always passionate. That is, until we started dating. After that, it became. . . Hold on, it�ll probably make more sense if I show you. Just give me a second, I�ve always wanted to try this. (BEN waves his hands in front of IRENE�s face, gets no response. He licks her face, no response. He grabs her ass and holds, no response.) Wow, I guess the action really has stopped. (IRENE awakes sharply.)
IRENE: (continuing previous speech.) --- the one who gets --- Why the hell are your hands there? We�re fighting!
BEN: Oh, no reason -- um -- urm (Points.) Hey, look! There�s a unicorn! (IRENE instinctively looks as BEN runs off left.)
IRENE: Damn it, Ben! Come back! (She runs after him.)

Scene 2

(BEN�s apartment. BEN is occupied by business Up Right. There is a small table with an ADDRESS BOOK, NOVEL, and TELEPHONE. There are two chairs. There is a knock on the door.)
BEN: Who�s knocking on my door?
MELODY: (Offstage.) It�s your mystery date! Open the door and claim your prize, Benny!
BEN: Oh my god! Come in! (Melody Enters from Left, BEN hugs her, lifts her up and spins her.) I thought I told you to cut out the Benny stuff. It�s Ben now, I�m no kid.
MELODY: You know your never going to break me of that habit. I�ve been calling you that since we were kids. You still let your mom call you Benny.
BEN: Fair enough. Where have you been hiding yourself?
MELODY: I was captured by an evil alien race and forced to explain the appeal of bubble-gum pop to the American people. After I told them, they abandoned all plans for conquest. (BEN laughs.) I�ve just been busy with work and class, you know how it goes.
BEN: I�ve really missed seeing you. I�ve been down on me knees praying you would stop by for the awhile now.
MELODY: (Pause.) I... I... thank you. I�ve missed you. . .
BEN: (Cutting her off.) I need to talk to you about something. I�ve met the most amazing girl. (MELODY sits.) She�s pretty and she--- she--- she likes me a whole lot! She--- has a good music collection, discounting Fiona Apple, and she has really neat eyes.
MELODY: Is this going to be a repeat of the whole �Meredith Debacle?� Your my... best friend, but that doesn�t mean I�m willing to put down another five-hundred dollars to bail you out.
BEN: I don�t think you heard me right: She likes me! (He sits.) There�s just a little weirdness. . . (Pulls out PEZ dispenser.) PEZ?
MELODY: No thanks. (He eats a PEZ, and puts dispenser away.) What do you mean?
BEN: I don�t know, it�s like Irene, that�s her name, it�s like Irene is the master of mixed signals. She�ll make out with me into the wee hours, but she won�t kiss me goodbye when I walk her to class. She gushes about our relationship when we�re hanging out with my friends, but when we�re around her friends, she acts like we�re not even together. She tells me she thinks I�m brilliant, but she questions almost every assersition I make. Do you think she's afraid of commitment or something?
MELODY: Sweetie... Ben, are you sure this girl is right for you? Are you sure she even likes you? I mean, those signals aren't mixed, they're skewed.
BEN: Look, Melody, I appreciate your advice (Stands.) and I understand your concern, but I don't think you have a firm grasp on the details of the situation. She likes me-- She likes me! I've never had that happen before, and I'm a sophomore in college. Do you know what this feels like, to finally, after all the wishing and dreaming, to finally have someone to care about? Any problems we have can be worked out. I have someone to hold at night. (Sits.) Do you have any idea how that feels?
MELODY: No. (Pause.) So, your getting laid, huh? Congratulations.
BEN: Um... Yes, I am. It's amazing, isn't it? I get my first real kiss and two days later I reach the final plateau. (Pulls out PEZ dispenser, realizes it's empty.) Damn it. Just give me one second, okay?
(MELODY nods. BEN exits R. MELODY puts head in hands and elbows on table. She sees ADDRESS BOOK lying on table, opens it, and quickly copies down address. She finishes just as BEN enters and sits down.)
BEN: Sorry about that.
MELODY: That's alright. I know how you are about your PEZ.
BEN: (Laughs.) No, I mean I'm sorry about my little "Do you know..." rant back there. It was so sappy, I know it still has to be stuck in your head. Almost makes you want to throw up, doesn't it?
MELODY: Don't worry about it. Your heart's been ruptured, it's alright for you to gush a little.
BEN: (Chuckles.) Say, do you want to go to Mickey-D's and grab a Shamrock Shake with me? Shamrock shakes are the bomb.
MELODY: (Rising.) Um, that's ok. I have to go pick up my --- cheese of the month shipment?
BEN: UM--- Okay then. (BEN rises.) Listen, (He crosses to Melody, and gives her a hug.) anytime you want to hang out, give me a call. Just because I'm involved now doesn't mean I'm letting you go, Alright?
MELODY: Sure, see ya. (She exits.)
BEN: You always leave.

Scene 3
(There are two chairs and a table with a phone. IRENE sits Up Left writing in a notebook. A doorbell rings and IRENE answers the door.)
MELODY: Are you Irene?
IRENE: Yes, and who might you be?
MELODY: I�m Melody Noitts. You might have heard of me before. I�m a friend of Ben�s.
IRENE: Oh. Well please, come in. I have heard Ben speak of you. You�re his friend from back in Hocking Hills, aren�t you?
MELODY: Yes.
IRENE: So, did Ben send you over here? He said he wanted us to get to know each other. He thought it would be cool if his two �best girls� became friends.
MELODY: No, I came here of my own volition. Look, this isn�t a social visit. I need to talk to you -- about Ben.
IRENE: Oh.
MELODY: We-- That�s me and Ben --were talking about you and Ben�s �relationship� today. He told me some of the details, and it got me a little worried. Now, I�
IRENE: I don�t know what he told you, but�
MELODY: Hear me out. Let me say what I want--- what I need to say. When I�m done, you can rebuttal any accusations or assumptions I�ve made. Fair enough?
IRENE: Fair enough. (IRENE sits.)
MELODY: (Takes deep breath.) Okay. Ben and I have known each other since we were kids.
IRENE: I know, he�s told me.
MELODY: (Crosses to IRENE.) Look, I don�t know where you got the idea that you were the controlling force behind this conversation, but your not. (IRENE says nothing.) Thank you. Alright. Me, Ben, best friends since childhood. You know all this. When I was talking with Ben today, he made it appear as if the relationship exists strictly for your pleasure. Now, call me crazy, but I don�t think you have his best interest at heart. (IRENE rises.) Jeez, give me a second here, okay? Please. (IRENE sits.) Thanks again. Ben�s my best friend, he has been for years. We�ve been through just about everything together. Births, deaths, tests, vacations, puberty, orientation-- everything. I�ve been around, and I know the signs. Your using him. Your trying to exert control over him. Do you think I want to see him go through years of self-doubt, infidelity, and abuse just to watch it all end when you tire of him acting as your whipping boy? I don�t, and I can tell by the way your eyes are growing in ever-increasing anger that I�m right on the money.
IRENE: (Coolly.) What�s your point?
MELODY: What�s my point? My point is that your trying to tear down my best friend�s spirit. Sure, he might be a little na�ve, but that doesn�t give you the right to take advantage of him.
IRENE: Na�ve? Girl, he�s a little more than na�ve. Look at his PEZ obsession. Look at his collection of Hardy Boys Case Files. He felt the need to ask me if he could kiss me on our third date, while I was massaging his favorite part! That�s not naivet�, it�s ignorance.
MELODY: Are you serious? (IRENE nods.) Well, that�s not the point. He�s a nice guy. He�s an abnormally nice guy, and it�s not right to manipulate him like this. I would never do that to him. You don�t realize what you have. I don�t know whether you�ve been jaded, or if your just that much of a bitch, but you would do well to realize just how good you�ve got it.
IRENE: Oh-- Ooh! I see what�s going on here. My god, it�s so pathetic slash touching. How very Julia Roberts of you.
MELODY: Huh?
IRENE: Your best friend finds someone, and only then do you realize how you feel about him. The time for action is now! It�s straight out of Hollywood. I was wondering why you had worked yourself into such a tizzy over this trivial crisis.
MELODY: (Crosses arms.) He�s my friend�
IRENE: The strength of your convictions betrays your intentions.
MELODY: Okay, maybe I do have a thing for him, but that doesn�t mean that I�m wrong or you�re right. All it means is that I have more than a friend to lose if you crush him. Give it up, will you? You could find someone else to manipulate in twelve and a half minutes.
IRENE: I can see why you like him. Your almost as much of a doe-eyed innocent as he is. You think you can come into my home and tell me how I should handle my affairs. That�s not the way it works, Wonder Girl. You can come here and give me some �advice,� women to women, but that doesn�t mean that I have to listen to you.
MELODY: If your not going to listen to me, then I guess I have no choice. As soon as I�m done at work, I�m going over to Ben�s and telling him about this conversation. I�m sure he won�t be too eager to stay with you once he hears of your heated confession--- Sorry, I had a soap opera moment there.
IRENE: Go ahead and tell him. If he leaves, it will supposedly be cake to find a suitable replacement.
MELODY: Glad you hopeful. Don�t be a stranger, and tell Jack Frost I said hi when you call home.
IRENE: Jack Frost? What the hell are you talking about?
MELODY: Nothing. See you around. (Under breath.) Stupid bitch. (She exits.)
(IRENE walks to phone and dials.)
IRENE: Ben, baby? --- Hey, it�s Irene.--- Yeah, I�m ok, I�ve just have a conversation with Melody.--- Well, would it be ok if I came over and we talked about it. I don�t think you know her as well as you think --- Ben, Ben! We�ll talk about it when I get there, ok?--- Alright, I will--- I love you, too. Buh-bye. (She hangs up phone.) Him and that damn PEZ. (She exits.)

Scene 4
(Set is the same as in Scene 2. We are at BEN�s place again. BEN is sitting at the table reading. IRENE bursts in and tosses big pack of PEZ on the table.)
IRENE: There�s your PEZ, although I can�t see why your so concerned with a such a plain candy when our relationship is at stake.
BEN: Nice to see you too (He rises and fails to kiss her.) What�s all this, then? What happened between you and Melody that caused such a dramatic reaction?
IRENE: (Slowly throughout this speech she works herself into fake tears.) That little hussy burst into my home, Ben. She burst in, and she berated me. She said that she wanted you, and that if she couldn�t have you, then neither could anyone else. She said to step aside or she wouldn�t be responsible for what happened. She scared me, Ben. She was yelling and screaming and--- Oh, Ben! (She buries her face in his shoulder very dramatically.)
BEN: That� Doesn�t�. sound like Melody� Wait a second, she said she liked me?
IRENE: She threatened me, baby. If you care about me at all you�ll let her know that you can�t be the friend of a� well, an extortionist! If I mean anything to you, you�ll do it.
BEN: (Turns away from her.) I�m not so sure that you do.
IRENE: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
BEN: (Turning on her.) It means I�m at a turning point right now. Maybe if you weren�t so frigging self-centered you would know that.
IRENE: What does my state of mind have to do with any of this? Why am I always�
BEN: Pause! (Aside) Look familiar? Now, I�m presented with a very interesting quandary here. Right now I have a girlfriend. You don�t know how long I waited for that to happen. For as long as I can remember, I�ve been searching for some meaning. Something that would make sense of all of this� madness that I�m forced to deal with on a daily basis. I�ve searched for that meaning for so long. I�ve tried turning myself into a being of pure logic, just so the emptiness wouldn�t effect me. But it seemed no matter what I did, I was left with a huge, unexplainable sense of worthlessness. No matter what I accomplished, not matter who I became, I couldn�t find my meaning. Then, this girl walks into my life from out of nowhere. She showed more interest in me in one meeting than had been shown by an infinite number of girls I had encountered previously. Instantaneously, I felt the feelings that had plagued me my entire life start to melt away. I felt good about myself and my place in the world for the first time. All the fruitless searches I had made throughout my life were rendered null and void the night I shared coffee and conversation with this enigma, this unsolvable puzzle, this women who stands before me. I had validation. She made me believe I existed. Then, there�s Melody. She�s my oldest and dearest friend. The status of our relationship has always been so static, it never occurred to me that there might be something more lying under the surface. I guess I�ve always known I had feelings for her, but I never thought she�d even consider me. I�m a very plain-looking guy. It�s not that girls don�t like me, it�s just that they aren�t attracted to me. I exude intelligence, I exude kindness, I guess I just don�t exude sexuality. I�m not a good genetic specimen, when women look at me they don�t see strong offspring, so they pass. Now, I pause at a crossroads. I can stay with Irene because it�s comfortable or I can go for what I really want, Melody. Irene has empowered me, she�s given me the confidence to try for something better. But maybe I�m just deluding myself. I might be idealizing this feeling of euphoria I get when I�m around Irene. It might be a purely sexual thing. And I think I love Melody, but what if her feelings have just been brought on by my new found relationship? What if�.I�m driving myself crazy�. Ah, what the hell�. Action!
(Irene unfreezes.)
IRENE: �the one who get blamed for our problems? Your getting off subject anyway. Are you going to talk to her about this, or are you going to throw this relationship (Cuddles up to him.) and me with it down the toilet?
BEN: Well, if your presenting an ultimatum� I guess I�m going to have choose-- Melody.
IRENE: What? You�you asshole! I�ve given you the best of me, and your going to give it all up for the mousy little bitch? You�you can�t. Your not strong enough! (She kisses him passionately.) Come on, Ben. You know you can�t do any better than me!
BEN: If I have to live the rest of my life with nobody but my right hand, I�ll have done better than you. Now thanks, that was fun, but I would appreciate it if you left.
IRENE: You can�t do this to me! You don�t have the balls!
BEN: I just did, and I do. Leave, now.
(IRENE huffs and storms out.)
(BEN stands there, proud of himself, then picks up the phone. MELODY appears on the opposite side of the stage, answering her CELL PHONE. They are in different rooms.)
MELODY: Hello?
BEN: Hey, Mel. It�s Ben. How�s it going?
MELODY: Not too bad, just working on my case study of over qualification in fast food restaurants. In other words, I�m at work. Hey, after I�m done here, I need to talk to you about Irene.
BEN: I�ve talked to her. She told me what was happened.
MELODY: What did she tell you?
BEN: Well, she told me you showed up and threatened her with physical violence if she didn�t keep her distance from me. I figured that was a lie though.
MELODY: Yeah it was. I didn�t say anything of the kind. Did she tell you I liked you too? (Lying.) I told her that, just to make my case seem more valid. I could tell from what you told me that she was only out to hurt you. I had your best interest at heart.
BEN: I know, that�s why I broke up with her� Thanks� I guess that�s why I was calling. To thank you for stepping up to bat for me.
MELODY: It�s not a problem� you�re my best friend. We don�t hang out nearly as much as we should. You want to go see a movie tonight or something?
BEN: Actually, I have plans.
MELODY: Oh--- well, sometime then, okay?
BEN: Sure. See ya.
MELODY: Uh-huh, bye.
(They hang up.)
BEN: (In Unison.) Aw, hell!!! (He throws the phone on the ground.)
MELODY: (In Unison.) Damn it to hell! (She breaks down crying.)