[**Current Mood** | thoughtful]Dear 2004,I want to thank you for helping me mature as a person.I can't really put into words what happened this year, but I'm happy it did. I mean, I'm sad that it had to happen the way it did, but they all helped me in the end.Timor's death really helped me. As a person. To realize that my life could end at any time, and that I really need to get it into gear if I want to accomplish anything in life. Like he did. He went places, and he was just as young as I am.So I wanted to thank you that you showed me it's possible to be so young, and stay away from failure.I also wanted to thank you for taking Cassie away from me. I would have never have tried to commit suicide, and I would have never have found the answers to all the questions. Thanks to the hell I went through, I matured in a way I can't really describe in words. I can't really portray how alive I felt. Like I had just stumbled upon this wealth of wisdom. And I did.I grew about 10 years in about 10 minutes. And I needed that to keep going.Now I feel prepared for anything. Anything.And now things are going my way anyway. Cassie and I are, unofficially, back together, I've defined myself, I'm sure in my faith, and I have hope.So thanks, 2004, for giving me everything that I need.And I'll always remember this as the year that I grew up. That, in my own sense, I've finally become a man.And now it's not such a scary thing.- Jordan-----Dear Cassie,I want to thank you, for putting me through hell this year. Really.If you hadn't, I would have never learned all that I know now. All the lessons I've had to live through would have never been taught had this never occured between us.And even if things take longer than expected to get back to normal, that's ok.I can wait, because I'm not hanging on to this relationship as my last hope anymore. I have a hope much higher, much greater than a mere human relationship can offer me.And I'm not going to give that up for the world.Love,Cassie-----Dear God,I want to especially thank you. I want to thank you for fulfilling your promise. That, "Everything will work out for the good of those who love [you]."Because even though it wasn't immediate, or pleasant, it is working out. And it will work out.So thanks for purifying me in the fire this year. Now I'm without spot or blemish, just as you want. Just as I want.Love,Jordan-----Dear Friends,The last thanks goes out to all of you. I know I said I've depended on God through all of this, and I have, and he really pulled me through. But you were there too. Right along my side. Never letting me go down in the fight. Supporting me whenever I stumbled, helping me up when I fell.I love you guys. Thanks.<3,Jordan |
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disappointed]Dear Cassie,I'm so glad that I'm not depending on this relationship anymore, because you're letting me down again.Why, if you're supposed to be in love with me, would you even consider going to spend the night with Bryan at Hutchinson Island?And why the hell would you feel the need to tell me?It still hurts. These things that you do. Even though things are supposed to be swinging my way.It doesn't matter that it didn't happen. It matters that it was going to happen.I'm trying to get upset about this. But it really hurts. And it's really disappointing.I'm going to keep chigging along. But please, hurry it up.Love,Jordan