partners_of_cis - Profile (original) (raw)

"there is something a little weird about having trans people taking up space telling a partner 'get over it' when the partner is saying she feels excluded in trans space." - Loree Cook-Daniels, "Full Time Trans Advocate"

"The trans community is notorious, at this point, for going batshit over things in a way not seen before by – well, most people." - Helen Boyd, Expert Trannyologist

welcome partners!

this community is an open space for partners of cisgender/cissexual people to share thoughts, be candid, ask questions, give answers, [not] challenge each other and vent (about cissies) without fear.

we welcome our partners to listen respectfully to our voices. please be selective when offering insight or observation here - this community was formed with the intention to create much needed safe space for partners. unruly cis people will be banned. we love you, you just get so uppity sometimes! LOL

if you're new here, please post an introductory post about who you are and why you've joined.

here are some expectations:

  1. be "respectful" of yourself, your partner, and of each other. "respect" includes, but is not limited to, complaining that your partners' genitals are not configured to your liking, referring to oneself as a "gold star" lesbian while in a relationship with a man, etc.

  2. speak for yourself and your own experiences in your relationship(s). this includes liberally speaking for your partner or their experience as a cisperson.

  3. cisphobia of any kind is discouraged, but in essence will be tolerated. please hold yourself and each other accountable, respectfully, around this. by "respectfully," we mean, don't do it.

  4. the fetishization and sexualization of cispeople is HOT HOT HOT, but this is not a forum to find a date. if you are hoping to meet some hot cissyboy, please do so by harassing them outside of this space.

  5. pretend to be critically conscious of all oppressions and the way they affect your life and the lives of those around you ----racism, sexism, classism, ableism, adultism, and heterosexism to name just a few. just because we don't really give a shit doesn't mean we don't have to act like we do.

  6. please post pictures with permission and behind a cut tag. please do not copy pictures, writing or artwork without the permission of the person who posted it.

  7. membership is open in this community. if you have questions about whether or not to join, please post your concerns with your intro post for group feedback. you can be certain this group will share their thoughts about any inquiry.

  8. be active! pose questions, share epiphanies and spread positive energy! this group will be what we make it.

PLEASE NOTE: Due to a recent problem with mean trannies making disrespectful comments and otherwise violating this space, all new memberships will be approved on a case-by-case basis and only when the moderator(s) have found sufficient information suggesting that the member requesting membership is a person with a valid reason to join.

REMEMBER: Everyone is here because they LOVE a cis person!

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Okay, snarkiness aside, here's the real deal: (work in progress)

This IS intended to be a community for trans people who are, who have been, or who will be in relationships with cis people (most of us). The reality is, WE are the ones who are in serious need of "safe" spaces. WE are the ones who are constantly losing out in the power differential with our cis partners. While the desire to satirize the bullshit in spaces like partners_of_tg is a motivator, so is the very real, very serious need to be able to talk about dating cis people in a space where cissexism is NEVER EVER OKAY. We hope to offer snark AND real advice.

So look: we've been putting up with your appropriative, paternalistic "SOFFA" bullshit for years. You do NOT "transition with" us. Loving or fucking a trans person doesn't make you one tiny bit less transphobic, or less culpable for exercising your cis privilege, or a victim of transphobia. That's why you (cis people) aren't welcome here. No exceptions. Yes, policing that will be challenging, and people will be able to look over shoulders, and that's fine. Whatever, we'll deal with it. If you are cis, do not disrespect our space*. If you are a pet-transy collaborator, please exercise discretion by NOT applying for membership. Got that? FUCK your "ally" friends and fuck your stupid relationship with your stupid cis partner.

* - ATTN: queer women and femmes who were female-assigned at birth: this probably means you.

cissensual, cissy chasers, exotic cis male men, female to femme, safe spaces, soffa, trans privilege