past_conquests (original) (raw)

A quick and dirty recap af a game of Starship Troopers with podthulu.

It was a hot and miserable day on Firaxis, but in Senior Sergeant J.M. Wayne's mind, it was perfect for killin'.

This was before the tanker bug had ate the sniper.

"Listen up Apes. SICON wants this worthless, bug infested chunk o' land held on to. So that's what we're gonna do. Miller, Battencourt, take your squads and cover both ends of the canyon. Miller, I'll join up with your squad. Now, let's go fist some bugs!"

Charlie Company threw out a rousing "Ooh Rah!" Knowing that they had the best equipment and training mankind had to offer. The buge were surely doomed.

This was before the tanker bug ate the sniper.

Movement, shaking of the ground below, the telltale signs were there. The Arachnids were here.

A swarm of warriors charged down the hill, teeth, claws and jaws ready to rip the Mobile Infantry a new everything.

"Spine!"

And with that Pte Karen Ross sent a 7.62mm Morita Sniper round right between one bug's jaws, dropping him.

The other troopers opened up, thier volleys were much less accurate but just a deadly.

"Brain!"

Another warrior dropped.

"Hey Mike, you owe me 50 bucks now. 5 for 5." Karen shouted over massed rifle fire to Cpl Chambers.

The other squad was doing just as well on their side of things. Pte Joey DiCaparello was doing his part as unofficial moral booster by flipping the Brooklyn Salute to the charging hordes.

"Come get some you bug bastards!"

And then it went to shit.

In the SICON archives, it is listed in the battlefield transmissions that "Fuck me!" were the last words that Pte Karen Ross would ever speak. A decision was made not to convey this to her family back on Mars, and it was also decided to gloss over the parts of the transmission where she was eaten by a tanker bug making an unexpected entrance directly in front of her squad.

By the time Pte Ross made her uneventful last words, the squad of eight had now become a force of five. And after the bug let loose with it's lethal cauldron of slag, it as now down to three troopers.

"Suck on this!" Was Corporal Chambers' rallying cry as the remainder of the squad let loose with flechette grenades and the trench sweeper laser. SICON archives noted that the laser had seemed to cause the greatest on the minor annoyances that theeir weapos had unleashed. And that the tanker bug looked mildy inconveninced by all the fire directed at it, before melting the rest of the squad.

It wasn't until Pte Ricky Wilson had sunck a rocket inot it's ass from the other end of the battlefield that bug had actually felt true pain.

"Good shot Private, nobody eats my sniper and gets away with it." shouted SSgt Wayne.

Perhaps it was the sheer blinding pain of the Firechacker Missile, or the glare of the sun that drove the tanker back into the hole. More than likely, at least by the estimation of SICON's post encounter review, it was probably the rocket and not the slight discomfort of having the sun in its eyes.

"Stagger your candy asses apes, when that sumbitch comes up we're gonna give 'em everthing and then some."

Although never officialy recognized in the arcihes, SICON Military Analyst B.F. Porter noted in her journal that it was deliciously iron ic that Sgt Wayne was the first one to be hit with the slag blast when the tanker resurfaced.

The survivors laced into the tanker with everything in the arsenal. And it looked genuinely hurt by this stage.

Ricky Wilson let up a cheer when his secon rocket caught the tanker right in the face.

"Booya.......Oh fu...."

Which was all he got out when the burst of slag melted him into the dirt, along with Pte DiCaperello who true to form had flipped off the tanker before his horrible melty doom. Most of the squad joined them.

Pte Lynn Deschenes fumbled with the Triple Thud Launcher. She only had one shot since the bug was prepping for a second burst to finish her, Katya Yuschenko and Aggie Simms off.

"Okay ready, aim, don't pull and aim, SHIT!"

In all the panic and rush, she pulled the trigger and the grenade took off right for the ground.

Before Lynn could contemplate what it felt like to be burned to death, a wonderous thing happened. A legendary shot that would become a recurring replay in the secretive SICON battlefield video and popcorn nights that happen every Wednesday after Senior Intelligence Director Frank Gribble leaves for the day.

The grenade bounced off Percy Dawson's charred corpse, and into the tanker's mouth.

The resulting blast knocked Katya and Aggie to the ground. But all Lynn Deschenes could do was stand there, wide eyed and covered in bug guts. It took her five minutes to finally choke out, "Maybe Percy wasn't such a useless tit after all." She never moved.

From the pile of smoking bodies came a familliar gruff voice, "Did we kill it."

"Sweet Robot Jesus!" exclaimed Aggie, "Sergeant Wayne, you're alive!"

"Close enough, we held the hill right?"

"Yes sir we held the hill, how are you even talking."

"That pansy should have used more of that bug slag of his if we wants to take J.M. Wayne out of the fight, pilgrim."

Aggie snapped out of the shock and awe of talking to her melted commander and snapped into action, calling for evac and medial teams.

"What in the Blue Hell do you think you're doing corporal?"

"Calling for evac."

"Fuck that noise," snapped the sergeant, "I'm not going anywhere 'till the job's done."

"With all due respect sir, my helmet's display's telling me that 50 percent of your body's melted into your M2 power suit right now, you're pulling out."

"It's just a goddamned flesh wound!"

Katya was spending her time trying to snap Lynn out after her trance.

"Lynn!!! Lynn!!!!"

After a while she spoke again.

"Noodle. Can't process bug splodie. Hurts in my noodle."

She got progessively saner in the Viking Landing boat and enjoyed the R&R time after the mission. The promoton to Corporal didn't hurt either.