Pregnancy Loss Writing Journal (original) (raw)

You are viewing the most recent 25 entries.

17th June 2006

heymalice @ 3:12pm: what kind of mother

panic - i slipped & tripped & fell
too many times, down on my knees
what kind of mother
does that make me?
spiteful, this girl who uses her body
to reconnect, disconnect
& immortalize pain
what a shame, she had to be the one
they say
to be branded mom
at such a young age -
take the child away
a misfit infant, unwanted, parasite
but i do, i do, i do want her so
yet nobody listens -
no virginal mother, no great big dad
sitting up in the clouds
to keep me under his thumb -
so we are fucked, kid, with no protection
what kind of mother
does that make me - that i would
take the abuse & let so many things
slide?
what kind of mother, then, am i?
talking to you as we walk down the street
a sweet mumbling
it's all right, it's all right...
even as i knew you were
leaving
me behind
so now, what kind of mother
am i?

19th April 2006

liebedich4ever @ 10:14pm: I lay awake each morning,
trying to decide,
why I always have this feeling,
of emptiness inside.

I can never quite define it,
but always it is there,
a constant, brutal memory,
of heartache and despair.

I know the angels took you,
for reasons of their own,
I only wish I’d had the chance,
to take my baby home.

To hold you in my loving arms,
And kiss your little head;
to rock you softly off to sleep,
and lay you in your bed.

To be the perfect mommy,
for my perfect pride and joy;
to play with you and feed you,
and buy all your favorite toys.

I’ll have another baby,
I’ll watch it grown and play;
but I will miss you more and more,
with every passing day.

Your brothers and your sisters,
will know what we have lost.
They’ll be taught that life is rough,
and each joy has a cost.

And each year on your birthday,
a new flower will bloom,
we’ll plant it in the garden,
near what would have been your room.

Though I never got to meet you,
when in heaven I do see,
I’m sure that I will recognize,
you smiling there for me.

I never will forget you,
I hope that you believe,
you’re my heart, my soul, my burning pride,
my love, my first conceived.

6th March 2006

poetlady @ 12:05pm: POEM: "Our Children Did Exist" Our Children Did Exist

I've lost two children, I hear myself say,

And the person I'm talking to just turns away.

Now why did I tell them, I don't understand.

It wasn't for sympathy or to get a helping hand.

I just want them to know we've lost something dear.

I want them to know that our children were here.

They left something behind which no one can see.

They made just two people into a family.

So, if I've upset you, I'm sorry as can be.

You'll have to forgive me, I could not resist.

I just want you to know that our children did exist.

(Maria)I found this poem here:
http://www.soulcysters.net/archive/index.php/t-21370.html

Only info I can find on the author is that her name is Shelley.

I really liked this poem.

Current Mood: sad

22nd February 2006

poetlady @ 5:40pm: Remembering my Baby "Lord, I wanted to hold my little one on my lap and tell him about You. But since I never had that chance, will You please hold him on Your lap and tell him about me?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This quote expresses exactly how I feel.

Current Mood: sad

19th December 2005

poetlady @ 11:33am: POEM: "We Will Sing With the Angels" By: Julie Martin First off, I hope it's ok to post this. I realize many in the community may have other beliefs about the afterlife and this isn't meant to offend anyone.

This is from a book called, "A Time to Be Born" By: Julie Martin published in 1990.

I really liked this part and thought someone else might want to read it too.

" . . . the main thing that will keep the mourning from winning out today is knowing that the Lord Jesus was the first thing my baby ever saw.

You were born into heaven's arms
Where each day is a celebration
of a life
that never ends.

One day, we will join you at the Table
And you will tell us about your life with Jesus
About the gift of love He's given you
that will never be broken or lost.

So although we will never scoot you up to our table
Teach you how to blow out your candles
Wipe the frosting from your face
Or give you stuffed tokens
of our love
Today, in our hearts, we will sing with the angels
Happy Birthday to you, dear baby,
Happy Birthday to you.

(From pages 67-68)

Current Mood: sad

22nd November 2005

22nd August 2005

stephyann @ 8:19pm: Hello Just wanted to say Hello. I will update with a little introduction about my situation with Me & My beautiful daughter Kaylee Renee Sowers when I have more time. I just wanted to get started. Most of my entry's will be friends only. Have a nice night everyone.

Current Mood: good

19th July 2005

akgothbitch @ 3:07pm: I just joined this community.
I will do an intro thingy at a later time when I have more time (@ work right now).
Not really sure what to write....hhmmm
I have had 2 miscarriages, about a year apart, give or take a few months when was about 20.
Tried to get pregnant on and off again for another year or so and then kinda gave up.
Had been trying again until recently b/c of some changes in my life and it not really being the right time.

Current Mood: lethargic

6th July 2005

sakkies @ 10:39am: :) Hello everyone, I have lost a child through Ectopic Pregancy. My due date is approaching this coming Saturday, and I just feel wretched. I started a community of thoughts and such that Im hoping others who have experienced this loss will join. Thanks for listening :)

ectopic_pgncy

22nd October 2004

angelscry4x14 @ 8:01pm: I loved you before I even knew you
The first time I got to see you
my heart raced with joy.
Feeling the love only felt..
by a mother.
Then they broke the news.
I'm never going to be able to hold you..
I'm not even aloud to keep you.
But I loved you before I even knew you..
I was happy to know that you were mine..
My baby..my child..
..I'll never be anything to you..
not even a memory.
But you will be one to me.
I loved you before I even knew you..

writen by: brittany

19th October 2004

8th October 2004

7th October 2004

5th October 2004

4th October 2004

trishfs @ 3:28pm: A Mother's Love A Mother's Love
Kathy L. Schmucker

I didn't have to look into your eyes
to fall in love with you.
I didn't need to hear your cry
to know you loved me too.
I didn't need to hold your hand
to cherish you for always.
Within my womb, we shared our hearts.
You touched my soul.
You sweetened my spirit.
You gave me memories I'll always hold dear.
Yes, my heart aches since you departed too soon.
But a mother's love does not end with death.
For you are my child.
Forever my love is yours.

trishfs @ 3:27pm: A Different Child A Different Child
A poem by Pandora Diane Waldron
In memory of her daughter, Madoka Marietta Rosalie

People notice there's a special glow around you.
You grow surrounded by love, never doubting you are wanted;
Just look at the pride and joy in your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes between the smiles,
There's a trace of tears,
One day you'll understand...
You'll understand there was once another child,
A different child who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes.
That child will never keep them up at night.
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all,
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much that different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly,
And may you learn the lesson forever --
How infinitely precious, how infinitely fragile this life on earth is.
One day, as a young woman you may see
Another mother's tears or another father's silent grief.
Then you, and you alone, will understand and offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them with great compassion,
"I know how you feel. I'm only here because my parents tried again."

trishfs @ 3:25pm: Just Say "I'm Sorry" Just Say "I'm Sorry"
by Gail Fasolo

You don't know how I feel- please don't tell me that you do.
There is only one way to know. Have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child"-must I hear this each day?
Can I get another mother too, if mine should pass away?
Don't say it was "God's will". That's not the God I know.
Would God on purpose break my heart, then watch as my tears flow.
"You have an Angel in heaven, a precious child above."
But tell me, to whom here on earth, am I to give this love?
"Aren't you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart aches, I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind, but it hurts even more.
I want to talk about my child who has gone through death's door.
Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well.
They do not take my pain away; I must go through this hell.
I will get better slow but sure, and it helps to have you near.
But a simple, "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.

trishfs @ 3:22pm: You are not alone You are not alone. Many women have lost a baby, including…
(includes women who have lost one or more children to miscarriage, still birth, and/or early infant loss)

Jackie Kennedy
Tori Amos
Yoko Ono
Meredith Vieira (of ABC’s The View)
Lady Bird Johnson
Liza Minnelli
Anne Boleyn (wife of King Henry VIII)
Vanna White
Whitney Houston
Sharon Stone
Josie Bissett (of TV’s Melrose Place)
Sylvia Plath
Brett Butler
Laura Ingalls Wilder
Eleanor Roosevelt
Pamela Anderson Lee
Howard Stern & wife, Alison
Kathie Lee Gifford
Sylvester Stallone & wife, Jennifer Flavin
Wendy Williams (Radio personality who chronicled her pregnancy on the air, then had a miscarriage)
Mary Tyler Moore
Dorothy Parker
Audrey Hepburn
Kiri Te Kanawa (opera singer)
Jane Pauley
Diego Rivera (early 20th century artist) & wife, Frida Kahlo
Lucille Ball
Rachel Hunter & Rod Stewart
Marianne Faithfull (60’s pop star)
Valerie Bertinelli & Eddie Van Halen
Christie Brinkley
Casey Kasem & wife, Jean Kasem (actress)
Oprah Winfrey
Prince & wife, Mayte Garcia
Ursula K. LeGuin (author)
Katey Segal
Annie Lennox
My boss
My Mother-in-Law
My next-door neighbor
Me

trishfs @ 3:22pm: I'll Hold You in Heaven I'll Hold You in Heaven
Jill L.

The months have passed,
the pain has dulled a little.
But your memory is still so strong.
Though we hugged only through my
bulging belly, I loved you.
I recall patting you, touching you,
holding you, as you were safe inside me.
It hurts me to think you might have
had a painful departure from this world.
I hope and pray it wasn't.
My mind still thinks of you hourly;
still I think, "did this really happen?
Did my baby really die?
Surely it's just a bad dream!"
But it did happen, and now you
impact everything I do and say and think.
Never has anyone so deeply impacted my life.
Never have I been so aware of others' pain.
You gave me a gift in your life and death,
of compassion, understanding and
patience with others who are hurting,
and for that I thank our Sovereign God.
You gave me closer friends and new friends,
and new insights into the Lord's ways.
So out of all my pain and heartache
some good has come.
I now find some comfort in knowing. . .
I'll hold you in heaven!

trishfs @ 3:19pm: Heaven's Nursery Heaven’s Nursery
Author Unknown

In Heaven there must surely be
A special place, a nursery
Where 'little spirits' not fully grown
Go to live in their Heavenly home.
The angels must attend with love
Tiny spirits on wings of doves,
The choir of angels must sing lullabies
Maybe quieten their tiny cries.
The Father must come by each day
To cuddle and play in a special way
These tiny spirits left earth too soon
Little ones called Home from just from the womb.
These sparks of life did not perish
But came to the Father's love to cherish,
To grow and be taught in His own arms
Safely away from all earthly harm.
The comforter was sent to earth at once
To the parents who lost their little one
Their hearts so ache, their arms feel empty
The question 'why' seems so tempting.
Then all at once in the midst of tears
There comes a peace that stills the fears
The parents share the Father's own need
To hold their tiny spirit being.
They relinquish their own desperate hold
And release their baby to the Father's fold,
Then comes an angel to whisper the truth
Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit.
Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father
A place that couldn’t be filled by another,
Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,
Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.
So Father, whisper words of love from me
To our little angels in your nursery.

trishfs @ 3:19pm: Can You Be A Mother If Your Baby's Not With You? Can You Be A Mother If Your Baby's Not With You?
Jennifer Wasik, in memory of Zachery Wasik 1/29/98-1/29/98

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say
A mother has a baby
This we know is true.

But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish that I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say:

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me o so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy O so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So, you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are OK.
Your babies are here in My home
They’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a mother,
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the start.

Though some on earth
May not realize you are a mother,
Until they're time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you'll know that you're
The best one!

trishfs @ 3:16pm: I Knew You For a Moment I Knew You For a Moment
Author Unknown

My Precious Little Baby,
Your face I've never seen,
Your skin I've never touched before,
Nor held you close to me.

You lived inside my body,
But only for a while;
Till Jesus softly whispered,
"Come home my little child."

You must have been a special child;
If God needed you up there,
Because heaven is a better home,
Its beauty can't compare.

So till I get to heaven,
And see your shining face;
Jesus will take care of you,
And love you in my place.

Yes, Jesus loves His little lambs,
They sit around His throne;
So sit on Jesus' lap dear child-
Till Mommy gets called home.

trishfs @ 3:15pm: A Tiny Hand A Tiny Hand
Denise Hanstad

A tiny hand we'll never hold,
A child without a name
Your coos and giggles won't touch our ears,
but we loved you just the same.
The twinkle in your little eyes
was not for us to see;
we longed to hold you in our arms,
but it never came to be.
God now holds your tiny hand,
He's given you your name;
your coos and giggles grace Heaven's ears,
but we'll miss you just the same.
The twinkle in your little eyes,
now lights the sky at night.
God holds you close in his loving arms,
you're always in His sight.
A tiny hand we'll never hold,
we have no reason why;
but we'll always hold you in our hearts,
even though we've said goodbye.

trishfs @ 3:14pm: Goodbye Goodbye
Katherine Zander

How do I say goodbye to one I loved but never saw, never touched,
never smelled her hair, never heard her cry?
How do I say goodbye?

How do I give up my hopes and dreams, the lost future of warm hugs, wondrous discoveries and cries of delight?
How do I give comfort to skinned knees and broken hearts that will never see light?

My little child, so helpless. But I am more so.
She has gone away, only to return in dreams and memories, but my pain is here to stay.
As time goes by, the tears will stop, the pain will ebb, but never go away.
But she will. She has. And my life will never be the same.

I hear and know that it was for the best. I know the logic, I know the reasoning, I know it's true and not wrong.
I guess I grieve most for what I wanted and will never know. How hard it is to be strong.

Good-bye Little One

Mom