Loves Secret [sic] (original) (raw)

04:50 am - Loves Secret [sic]
I know nobody is doing these any more, but this fic I just stumbled across in the POTO movie section is hilarious...

To be absolutely fair, the author is French, so she is writing in her second language here. I'm not sure how much difference this makes, as the rules of punctuation are much the same in both languages for a start...

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10476578/1

Summary: Takes place after the end of the 2004 movie, Christine is engaged to Raoul, but something goes wrong with Raoul when he thinks Christine wouldn't do music or sing anymore (At least this makes a change from Raouls who go all funny in order to stop Christine singing) so he does the unthinkable, Madame Giry tells Erik and her Uncle Gabrielle (who is secretly a woman... and wait -- just how old is Madame Giry's heroic aunt/uncle at this point?) about this and they plan to go get Christine. Will they find her, or will she be hurt and be left for dead or will they find her and that she's alright (Hmmm, I don't know: let's guess...) and will Erik get the life he always wished for with his Angel? Or will he mess it up? Read and find out! Please Review!

Since all of that is out of the way, On with the show!

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2 months after the fire in the Opera Populaire...

"Christine... Christine! Wake up! We're here." (They've been in this carriage for two months?!) Raoul said uncertain that she was still asleep, He instead got up from the oppisite side of the carriage and shook her shoulder lightly
Basic punctuation: full stop needed at end of sentence. Capital letter not needed after comma.

"What?" Christine said in a muffled tone, Still half asleep

"We're here." Raoul said sitting back down on his side of the carriage then turned his head 40 degrees right (he had a protractor?) to look out the window. ' Wow' he thought ' Long time since i've been here' (which is funny given that...) he cocked his head back to Christine to look at the half awake figure in front of him.

"Where?" She asked while trying to open her eyes.

"At my mansion."(...it's apparently his own house?)

"What... You said that we were going to a hotel." Christine said (The Hôtel de Chagny, possibly? Methinks Christine may have misunderstood the nature of an hôtel particulier...) ' He lied' she thought ' He said that he would never lie to me! He broke his promise!' she thought feeling the anger build up in her. (Oh no! It's a Really Serious Drama!)

"You're right.." He said as he got cut off by Christine. (So -- this Ultimate Criminal is not in fact making the slightest attempt to deceive her, yes?)

"You disobeyed the promise you said that you would never break!" Christine said opening the carriage door and slammed it in Raouls face. (and stamping her foot to make him sorry)

"Christine... Wait!... i'm sorry!" (Oh wait -- it actually worked :-D) Raoul said opening the black carriage door that got slammed in his face (the other door was a different colour?), then ran after the figure that was running towards the mansion.

She turned around and paced up to him (changing gaits mid-gallop like the beautifully-trained dressage animal that she was) "We both promised each other that we would never lie to each other and you broke it!" Christine said glaring at him then walked really fast (showing off yet a third gait!) to the brown brick mansion. (Probably not in Paris, then...)

She knocked on the mahogony door and a tan, red haired (most red-heads tan really badly, in my experience... but then most maids don't get a lot of time on the sun-lounger anyway) maid opened it (presumably Raoul's family couldn't afford any senior male servants?) "Oh... Madamosille (this author is French and she still can't spell Mademoiselle? seriously?) Daae, we weren't expecting you until next week." The maid said suprised that she was in the prensence of the famous Opera soprano. (Thus proving that it wasn't all a deep-laid plot... if Christine actually cared about the rationale for her snit.)

"Well Monsieur De Chagny changed plans." (at least she can spell 'monsieur' and 'Chagny' -- Frenchness helps somewhat after all!) Christine said turning her head (by forty degrees) to see that Raoul was really close now. " May I come in?" Christine said in a rushed voice.
(I'm not quite sure why she feels she has to ask permission of the maid when the owner of the house is right behind her at the time... or, for that matter, why she has to rush to get in before Raoul can arrive, given that she has just thrown a massive tantrum about being here in the first place! I am quite impressed that despite said tantrum Christine is apparently trying to save Raoul's face on the doorstep here by making up a story about 'change of plans'...)

"Yes of course." The maid said as she stepped aside "Follow me, I'll show you your room." She said walking up the stairs frequently looking back to see if Christine was following, (to check she hadn't somewhow inadvertently wandered off into the Forbidden West Wing!) she lead her up the stairs to a bedroom that had a dark red door, (Clothes fetish is normal in badfic; door colour fetish is a new one on me.) The maid opened the door with keys (not with the doorknob?) and opened the door,(Ah -- perhaps she opened it with the doorknob this time.) The maid handed Christine the keys and Christine mummered "Thank You". (Did she curtsey?)

Christine walked inside and saw the color of the wall (she had to find out that!), it was a rose red and the bed was a deep red and it had black curtains surrounding the bed,(But what was the ghastly secret of the Red Room?) the room also had a mahogony dresser closet and desk. After surveying her surroundings (with the aid of Raoul's protractor) she went and sat on her bed and layed down while sleep slowly consumed her. (Oh no -- quick, save our heroine, she's wasting away...)

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At that same time...

Madame Giry walked down the halls of the Opera and watched how certain parts of the Opera was being re- built. She walked into the Prima Donna's room that used to be Christine's and walked up to the mirror and pushed it open and slipped inside. (Sadly the rebuilding apparently hadn't fixed that particular security loophole...)

She took a torch and walked down stairs and halls that were filled with squealing of rats and cobwebs (noisy things, those cobwebs!), finally she got to the lake and lit the lantern, put out the torch, set it down (checked the room inventory: TAKE GONDOLA) and got in the gondola, she rowed it through the alley and finally got to the gates which were open for the first time in two months with all the police and investagators looking for evidence of where the 'Phantom of the Opera' went, she reached the edge of the water and got out and looked around for the infamous Opera Ghost. (Didn't she find all the police and investigators swarming around to be a bit of a drawback?)

"Erik!... Erik!" Madame Giry said in the darkness because all the candles were not lit (USE LANTERN, woman!), knowing that he was still in cover because of the police

"Its me, Madame Giry! " She said, suddenly all the candles were lit and he came out of a dark corner, he was dressed in a full black dress coat, black pants, his undercoat was brown and his shirt under the undercoat was white. (I'm assuming she means 'waistcoat', but why is Erik wearing a brown waistcoat as part of full evening dress? And why don't we get to find out what boring old Madame Giry is wearing, anyway?)

"Thanks for coming Madame." Erik said in a stern low voice, his eyes still adjusting to the light. (She had a lantern, Erik -- you could have kept the light at whatever level you were more comfortable with, surely?)

"Your Welcome, why did you summon me?" she asked (The accused was expecting her, Your Honour?) 'Usually he never needs my help, but of course since the police are after him, he needs more help then he needed before' she thought (Perhaps stopping him committing crimes that brought down the police on him might have been more helpful before...)

"I need you to deliver this for me." Erik said pulling out a white envelope and paced in two steps towards her and handed the envelope to mind slid instantly (we'll be charitable and assume this is an editing error rather than a piece of gross incomprehensibility, I think...) to Christine in the Vicomte's mansion (Wait -- even Erik, who has been lying low for two months under the Opera, knew that they were going to Raoul's house and not this mythical hotel?) but he dismissed it. She was safe, Madame would see to it that she could be safe. (Madame Giry is here at the Opera. How does that make Christine safe?) Nevertheless, he could not shake the feeling that something had changed, that the balance had tipped against himself. (The fact that Christine chose Raoul and you let them go, possibly?) He just did not know how, and the feeling filled him with foreboding.

"This is the Vicomte's address, why?" Madame Giry said puzzled

"Because Christine is with him, remember?" Erik said growling quietly to the mention of his name. ("Good boy, Erik!" "Grrrr....")

"Oh... Yes, its just been a long time since i've seen them." (well, they have just spent two months on a carriage ride from the Opera to Raoul's house...) Madame Giry said suddenly missing Christine more then ever.

"Well heres your chance to see them and how they are doing." Erik said as Madame Giry heard longing in his voice and guessed it was for Christine. He made a flicking motion with his hand to dismiss her. (Christine? Hah -- we scoff at Christine. So!)

"As you wish Maestro" She said (mistaking his gesturing for an attempt to bring in the horn section) bowing (oops, sorry -- clearly it was the viola section)) then turned on her heel and walked down the concrete steps (part of the rebuild?) and stepped into the gondola and rowed away.

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Christine woke up and yawned finally realizing its morning (has she been lying on her bed fully-dressed all night now?), she got up from her bed and went in the bathroom (apparently Raoul has en-suite! Well -- Erik did....) to see everything was marble (even the taps) and she stared in awe for a few minutes until finally she snapped out of her trans- state (Raoul has hypnotic bathrooms? -- now those must be something to do with Erik...) and took a shower (not sure even Erik's bathroom had one of those) and then after 5 minutes she got out put a towel over her and walked out to her bags (bags? what bags? somebody brought up bags while she was asleep?) and pulled out a simple white summer dress that left her arms bare but had a full length skirt. (I'm not a fashion historian, but -- wouldn't bare arms imply an evening gown? As for the 'full-length' skirt... I'm sure Christine was most relieved to hear that it met minimum decency standards!)

After taking care of her needs (not... not like that...), she opened the door of her room and walked down the hall and down the marble stairs (they didn't appear to be marble when she followed the maid up them the previous night...) 'How much marble do you need in this house' She thought looking around the house as she walked. (I thought this was a brown-brick house, not some kind of Roman villa.) Christine walked to the kitchen and found all the maids making food
(Doesn't this house have any male staff at all? Or come to that, any senior members of staff to arrange its smooth running, meet guests, open the door, etc?)

"Good morning Madamosille Daae." (apparently it's not just a French typo; she genuinely can't spell the word...) The Maid that helped her yesterday said grinning

"Please, just call me Christine." She said returning the smile (of Maid who Helped Me Yesterday)

"If I am to call you Christine then call me Sophia." (I'm always such good friends with my employer's guests!) Sophia (the unaccountably English maid) replied urging her into the kitchen, Christine followed her to a seat and sat down. (Wait, they're going to serve her breakfast in the kitchen? Where all the 'maids' are busy working?)

Raoul came into the kitchen fully dressed and seemed like he attended to his needs (no... not like that... not there in front of everybody...) and found Christine sitting at the table and watched the food being served, (He probably couldn't believe his eyes.) Raoul hurried to the table and sat down. (Now they're going to serve Raoul breakfast in the kitchen?)" Christine." He greeted smiling

"Raoul." She said paying full attention on the food and not Raoul and just ignored him. (Apart from, you know, actually noticing him and saying his name...)

After the food was served and they ate in silence and cleared their plates (with all those servants in the room, they cleared away their own plates?), they walked to seprate rooms (and sulked), Raoul went to the library, Christine went to a room with an old piano that hasn't been refurbished. (Presumably out of sheer masochism, since she could have gone to the music-room instead...)

"Oh I can't take this childish nonsence anymore, Christine!" (Somebody said it! Hurrah!) He said as he threw the book that he was reading down on the sofa and went to the room that Christine was in.

He stomped into the room and starred at her ("Aldebaran! Betelgeuse! Rigel! Arcturus!") " Christine, look i'm sorry for what i've done yesterday, I know I broke the promise that we said we would never break (to take you... to a hotel), can you forgive me?" He asked

"Yes, I'll forgive you but... I'm not going to make you any promises anymore understand!?" ("So there! That will show you!")

"Yes... I understand." He said " Oh... Um I have to go into town for a little while so I won't be back for some time (several months, going on past precedent!) and Madame Giry said that she would come and visit." (When did she tell him that? She claims she hasn't seen either of them for ages...) He explained looking into her Choclate brown eyes.
(Just for once, I'd like to read a fic where Raoul is the one with chocolate-brown eyes. Big velvety devoted soulful chocolate-brown eyes... like a Labrador slobbering into your lap. Because that's what the phrase always makes me think of :-p)

"Okay, have fun!" She said finally relieved that he's gone. (The man just apologised to you, Christine, even though you've been acting like a three-year-old -- could you be a little less petulant? Judging by her norms of behaviour I'm starting to wonder if this author has even reached adolescence yet...) She got up and closed the door and starting thinking about some things.
(About 'stuff', maybe? 'Whatever'? About "some things" -- seriously? :-D)