It's just a huge chunk of metal filled with people floating in space (original) (raw)

This ship is a disgrace. Between Wash's dinosaurs, Jayne's old socks, Kaylee's love charms for Simon (yes, Kaylee, I know what they are. Stop stealing my rosemary.), Inara's clients' receipts/empty "love glove" packages and the Shepherd's large, large hair, there's barely room to swing around the ornamental macrame lasso I picked up from that souvenir stall on Tuesday.

I propose we do something about it. I think there should at least be some sort of drapery-type device that we can use to lay over the floor of the bridge so when we're snacking on some protein while we fly (Wash), fix the engines (Kaylee) or stride about in a casual yet vaguely intimidating manner (Jayne. And me.), we can avoid the shocking and unacceptable presence of crumbs (Simon. Made me write that, I mean.).

Actually, that's an idea. A kind of blanket or sheet covering the whole floor of the ship, so that we wouldn't have to worry about the floors becoming sticky and covered with unsightly stains. We all know how much trouble that can be, I'm sure. You know, I actually might be on to something. No, that's a really good idea, if I do say so myself. They really should invent something like tha-

Oh. Wait.

They have. It's carpet.

Hmm. Well, I do a LOT of commanding on this ship. Sometimes the brain gets a little fuzzed, what with the pressure of leadership and all. I'd like to see YOU try to be the captain without accidentally inventing common furnishings. Shut up.

Now, if anyone needs me, I'm going to eat some sugar packets in the closet again. With dignity.

Current Mood:	dignified
Current Music:	'Let's Get Physical' - Olivia Newton John