Pretty girls & naughty boys' Journal (original) (raw)
2:03p - If what I wanted was good for me.........
I don't know how to describe some of the feeling I have been sorting through this last couple of hours.
I do something that is probably best for me,
and I end up feeling totaly bad....
*GOSH*
Let me explain.
Last night we had a game,
I asked couch if I could have a sub-in,
so I could hang out with steve.
(*he is down for the weekend*)
I went and got my hair styled.
(from my dads ex-girlfriend)
*let me say that my hair looks so beautiful*
About 7 o-clock,
When my hair got done,
I headed home, Did my make up.
And waited for Steve & Marta to call me.
They did* Said they got a hotel room at the Marion,
Room 3. So I met them there:
drank a couple "juices"
And headed out for the game,
To interduce all my friends so "my hott military man"
All of them where hittin onn him,
It was so funny. Heh.
After we got bored there,
I had to stop at the mall to get some mittins and gloves, chap-stick, lip-stick, comressed powder, MUNCHIES!
Droped everything off at the hotel.
When we got down town,
Our plan was to see "Nick"
~Marta's *downtown* boy~
we ended up walkin around, talkin to people that I new,
And after it started getting so cold I couldn't feel myself thinking, we walked back to the Hotel.
I knew what Steve's intention was.
I knew the reason why I was there....
But this one time, I just didn't feel the same about it all.
I felt dirty...
But most of all I was thinking "I really actally like this guy, I don't was to have sex with him... Because I want to have some respect"
Marta left,
Me and Steve started making-out.
took off our shirts,
he started talking off my pants.
AND I SAID NO!!!
*thats the first*
I figured he was going to be real mad.
I thought he was going to never talk to me again.
But what he said was something I never expected.
"Bree, if it doesn't feel right, thats ok,
I don't want you to do something that doesn't feel right to you,
When you are ready I am here, Im not leaving"
I almost cried! but it was more like a releaf thing.
for once I didn't feel like a slut.
It just seems weird to me that the one guy I actally have feelings for, I don't have sex with.
But I do with all the others!
I think this might actally work out with me and him,
I really hope!
So thats about it,
Today I am going to see "riding in cars with boys"
With Marta, and maybe Steve. (he might have to go to Jacks house)
So I guess I will talk to you all later,
All my heart,
Brittnie
current mood: confused