Billy's War Brides - Production & Contact Info (original) (raw)

Billy reads the following caption in the newspaper: "Polygamy Will Be Legalized After the War." As he is by nature a lady-lover, the idea of owning a harem, transports him with delight. After the war is over, and polygamy well established,...See moreBilly reads the following caption in the newspaper: "Polygamy Will Be Legalized After the War." As he is by nature a lady-lover, the idea of owning a harem, transports him with delight. After the war is over, and polygamy well established, we see that he has ordered four wives of different nationalities from the marriage broker. The broker picks for him a ponderous German, a bony Russian, a hobble-skirted French woman, and a diminutive Japanese. All of them speak their respective languages fluently, but can't speak a word of English. As each one avows her love in a different tongue, and as a man is gifted with but one pair of knees for wives to sit on, he finds himself right at the beginning in somewhat cramped positions. His wives insist on doing their own cooking, and each one eagerly prepares her favorite national dish or beverage. The German has Wienerwurst and sauerkraut, The French some other abomination plentifully spiced with pepper and salt, the Mongolian her chop suey and the Russian her tea and vodka. In order not to arouse their jealousy, he partakes alternately of each dish and is seized with a murderous attack of colic. His wives are not at a loss for a remedy. They immediately rush out to prepare it. But he seizes the opportunity to effect his escape; at least he makes a vain attempt in that direction, but whichever way he turns, his path is waylaid by a wife returning with her remedy. They force four different samples down his throat, and when, as a result of too much health, he falls violently ill, each insists on his getting a doctor of her own nationality. Four physicians soon arrive and begin to diagnose the various portions of his anatomy. Things look black for Billy. He pretends to be cured, however, and after much ado routs the health-cures. His troubles, however, are just commencing. They reach their climax when he is about to become a father. After having ordered four cribs, he makes the horrifying discovery that his wives have blessed him with nine offerings. He decides that it is high time to give up the life terrestrial and try heaven for a change. He places the revolver against his temple and fires. Instead of reaching the realms of eternal bliss, Billy awakes and discovers himself sprawling in an upturned chair, his hands still grasping a newspaper. It has all been a dream, but at any rate he is cured of his multiple-wife tendencies. Written by Moving Picture World synopsis See less