Q.U.E.S.T (original) (raw)
Beware, the headlights are here.
Memo: Ferocious Meer Cats Anonymous meeting is suspended this week, in it's place please trim your claws and clip you ears, we will have a guest speaker next week; 'I was once ferocious, now, I care for baby birds, whilst aleviating my stress in the Quest Army on the weekends'. A sucess story, if ever we heard one.
I title this story as Commander Frader and the Escape from the Capitalist Evil
This morning your intrepid Commander was awoken at an abysmal hour in the morning, to be trooped off execution style, papers in hand to the place which we will term, "the bank of evil."
This is because the impertinent fools, had forgotten their sanity for a brief sojourn and dared to sully the good name of Frader with a letter threatening her with all sorts of evil things that we do not speak of (ie/ court).
Therefore, the good Commanders first instincts were to rush off and sort out this problem.......actually, no, that’s not quite true, her first instinct was to run away, change her name to Steve and then elope with a moustachioed man named Brian to northern Mongolia, to be never heard from EVER AGAIN!
However, the Commanders grandmother wasn’t having any of this (she disliked the name Steve) and set in motion the dreaded events of today.
The Commander showed no fear in the face of adversity (except for a brief moment when she asked timidly "am I going to prison?") and sat down with the evil commercialist pig in the employ of "the other" and calmly arranged a "deal".
How very ominous.
So you will be glad to know, that your dearest Commander is not going to jail and is busy siphoning off funds from the Q.U.E.S.T trust fund to pay for her cocaine addiction. M'Kay?
WHO ARE WE?
OTHER FORMS OF THE QUESTION: Who are you? What are you? Who you be? Eh?
ANSWER: We are the Q.U.E.S.T Commanders, elite beings who are going to crush this puny little world (well it only has an equatorial diameter of 7,926 miles, and a polar diameter of 7,900 miles, how unimpressive!).
Pour quoi?:
We where bored, during French <---- This bit says it all.
When, Where and (W)how?:
When? Well whenever we bloody feel like it....or alternatively, during a lunch of cheese sandwiches, at 12:34 precisely.
Where? At our secret
underground
layer, which is about five zillion miles
up in space
...it looks something like this:
Now we have confused you right? Not only have we revealed our secret location, we have missdirected you by giving you a picture of Thunderbird five. bwah ha ha ha!
(W)how? With our army of course! Duh!
COMMANDER FRADER
Joint founder and member of the organisation known as Q.U.E.S.T. Has a tendency to poke people with sticks whilst imprisoning them in a small 4x4 cage. Eats children, and various permeations thereof. Knowledge of gay classical figures is phenomenal, as is her alarming tendency to pronounce all classical figures homosexual. Likes: chocolate, cherries, history and sparkly things. Dislikes: people, children and non-sparkly things.
COMMANDER MAXWELL
Joint founder and member of the organisation known as Q.U.E.S.T. Also has a tendency to poke people with sticks, but has the additional attack of jumping on their backs and demanding a "piggy-back". When faced with Commander Maxwell it is best not to look her in her eye as she may bite you. Has a spooky knowledge of a complete "Who’s-Who" of former famous Oxfordians. Likes: Shoes, shopping and mink. Dislikes: the word "sale", commoners and moustaches.
Why Q.U.E.S.T? What does it stand for?: It stands for nothing....the dots just make it look cool. As for why, well in homage to the great, the amazing, Mr. Jonny Quest. Fool.
Are you on crack? Pixy dust? Magic Mushrooms?: Quite possibly, yes. But remember: Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free. - words of pure wisdom.
Army? What is this army you speak of?: Our army of penguins of course! And other various animals we collect upon the way.
ANY QUESTIONS? PLEASE ASK, WE'LL ANSWER ANYTHING...SERIOUSLY, ANYTHING.