The Scooby Gang Episode Two: Schoolhouse Glop (original) (raw)
For my darlin Busterella, for her birthday and maybe also for the fic contest thing if she’s cool with that. :D Part of her Squishyverse.
When Dog disappeared for a few hours, the kids more or less gave him up for dead. Poor little dude. Mitch had a lighter-light memorial service. That little vehicle-challenged pooch had so much to live for. He shed a tear in completely manly broraderie.
Dog showed up at dinnertime behind the wheel of the ugliest, gaudiest, coolest van Mitch had ever seen, splotched with green and orange and purple with rust everywhere and a surprisingly fresh shag carpet.
“What,” Robin asked, once they were all outside, “is this?”
“Our new wheels!” Dog barked, wagging his tail. “Let’s load this puppy up and ride!”
“I’m n-not getting in that,” Elmer stammered, wringing his doughy fingers like a pansy. “I-it looks uns-safe.”
“And where are we even going?” Mike frowned.
“Elementary school,” Dog replied. “Squad of gooey hostiles headed that way!”
Mitch looked at Robin. She looked at Mike. Mike looked back the rest of them. Mitch grinned and bolted back into the building to grab his gear, the rest on his heels.
The group (meaning everybody but Mitch) elected to have Robin drive again, and Mike started scribbling some math equation on the window with his finger.
“Elmer,” he finally said, “do you think we can fit twenty kindergartners in here?”
“I-I think so,” Elmer nodded. “And t-t-take them where?”
Dog pawed at the ancient radio.
“—safe havens, under the protection of temporary shielding technology adapted from the monster barrier.” Blossom’s voice crackled through the speakers. “If you are currently in need of a place to stay, please make your way to the following locations: Town Hall. Townsville Stadium. Townsville High. Townsville National Bank. More locations to follow as soon as we are able to make them completely safe. We are doing all we can to contain the spread. Blossom here, signing off. Keep each other safe. Good luck.”
“They’ve been looping that for the past three days,” Dog said. “You can see the bubbles in direct sunlight.”
“Right,” Robin nodded. “Which safe haven is closest?”
“Uh…Town Hall, I think,” Mike replied. “Mitch? Got any ideas on how to get everyone out?”
“Uh…beat the glop?” Mitch shrugged. “I guess you and me could hold ‘em off while Robin and Elmer load the kids.”
“No,” Robin frowned, “I’ll help fight. Elmer can get everyone loaded in.”
“No, you help load the kids. They’ll run from a freak like Elmer, they need a woman’s touch—” Mitch started, and Robin smacked him.
“Shut up, Mitch, I can fight just as good as either of you!” she snapped. “Just because your medieval brain can’t comprehend the idea that a girl could be just as good—”
“Whaddya mean medieval, I’m just saying, your fighting skills ain’t got nothing to do with you being a girl—”
“I h-hate to interrupt,” Elmer gulped, “b-but—”
He pointed ahead, where Pokey Oaks was coming into view. As Lady Luck would have it…the road was rearing up to meet them.
Robin swore, swerved, and the road crunched down on itself, crackling; the goop within detached from the rubble, glopping its way towards Pokey Oaks Kindergarten.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” Robin seethed, stamping the gas and tearing up scenic grass in her off-road path to beat the slime. In the back, Mike and Mitch slid around, banging off the walls and each other. The sound of screaming kids was getting louder. And…was that a shotgun?
They fell out of the van as soon as Robin slammed on the brakes, and they heard the sweet tones of their old teacher screaming non-sweet things at the advancing goo.
“Miss Keane!” Robin called, opening the door and staring down the double barrels of smoking artillery. “Don’t shoot!”
“Ah! Miss Schneider! Good to see you!” Miss Keane shouted. “Duck!”
Wisely, they did, and Miss Keane fired on a goop-controlled pogo ride, right behind Mike.
“We’re here to get you out,” Mike yelled over the sound of screaming five-year-olds.
“Good! Cover me!” Miss Keane forward-rolled until she was face-to-face with Mitch, smiling manically. “Plug your ears, Mr. Mitchelson!”
She fired again, and he took his fingers out of his ringing ears.
“Elmer!” Mike shouted. “Now!”
The four of them, Miss Keane included, formed a loose barricade against the oncoming goop playground while Elmer coaxed the frightened kids into the van (aw, man, Mitch sniggered, that sounded so messed up). Mitch wasn’t watching what the others were doing, busy bludgeoning a satanic slide with his baseball bat, but there were explosions from Robin’s cherry bombs and more ear-shattering blasts from Miss Keane.
“K-kids are loaded!” Elmer yelled. “We’ve gotta g-g-g-go!”
“Everybody in!” Mike yelled, and they ran for it, Robin throwing explosives over her shoulder as Elmer started driving. Robin and Mike slid into the front seat, Miss Keane leapt into the back with her kids, which left Mitch, taking time to smack a swingset back as the kids and everybody else yelled. His bat got stuck in the goop and he couldn’t pull it out.
“Mitch, just drop it and get in!” Miss Keane shouted, and Mitch bade sweet farewell to the faithful bat as he made a run for the van, swung into it, and slammed the doors shut. The kids behind him shrieked as something heavy pinged off the door.
“Lose ‘em!” Mitch yelled, and Elmer and Robin did some shuffling and let Robin back in the driver’s seat. Miss Keane and Mitch squished the kids back farther into the van while she reloaded her gun and he borrowed the bag of Robin’s firecrackers.
The door banged a few more times, and a tendril of goo seeped in between the doors. Mitch held his lighter up to it and the goop shrieked, pulling back out.
“It’s gonna rip the doors off,” Miss Keane said grimly.
“Not if we can make it to the safe haven first,” Robin replied. “We’re almost back in town, hang on.”
As it turned out, she was half-right, in that only half of one of the doors came off in a screech of tearing metal, and there was an already-lit cherry bomb waiting on it when the slime reared its ugly head. Between the two of them, Miss Keane and Mitch managed to hold the door.
“How much longer, Robin?” Mitch yelled. “We’re running out of ammo here!”
“Just a few more feet, the relief crew is coming to help us now!” Robin yelled, and the glob seared and bubbled away in a blast of bright pink light. A familiar redhead peeked through the door.
“Is this everyone?” she asked.
“Sure is,” Mitch said, and she nodded.
“Hold on. I’m going to lift you through.”
The kids cheered, and the van swooped as Blossom picked it up and flew it through the barrier. Mitch’s stomach turned a little. The doors opened, and Miss Keane and Mitch tumbled out as the kids rushed to mill around Blossom like cute little parasites.
“We are never doing that again,” he groaned to the Dog as he came out from under the seat.
“Hey, you guys!” a peppy voice said, and the kids detached from their open goggling of Blossom to mill around Bubbles, who laughed and scooped a couple of them up into her arms. “I didn’t know you were coming!”
“Not like we had a choice,” Robin said tiredly. “Good to see you, Bubbles. Blossom.”
“Robin,” Blossom said, almost absently. “Can you tell me what went on here?”
“The Dog brought us the van and said there was goop headed towards the kindergarten, so we thought we’d go pick ‘em up,” Mitch said, shrugging. “Not much to tell.”
“Can you tell me how much slime there was and what forms it took?” Blossom asked.
“Not really, we were kinda running for our lives,” Robin said.
Blossom sighed.
“Alright,” she said, adjusting her pink visor, “get inside. There should be a few spare beds and a hot meal waiting for you.”
“We’ll take the meal,” Mike said, “but we’re going back to base as soon as we’re done.”
Blossom’s brow furrowed. “Excuse me?”
“Base,” Mike repeated. “Where we’ve been hiding out.”
“It would be much safer if you would remain inside the haven,” Blossom said, iron edge to her voice. Mitch shivered a little despite himself.
“It would be much safer if the aliens weren’t even here, but they are,” Robin countered. “We’ll be fine. We can do a lot more good out there than stuck in here anyway.”
Blossom pursed her lips.
“I could always make you stay,” she said.
“But you won’t,” Robin said, and the air turned kinda…phew. Catfight. Mitch shivered again.
Blossom sighed. “Let me get you some good equipment, at least.”
“Th-thanks, Blossom,” Elmer interjected. “We could r-really do with a r-radio. A-and some more w-w-weapons.”
“And maybe some of that shield tech, if you have any to spare,” Mike said, and Blossom nodded.
“I’ll get someone to look at the van, too, while I’m at it,” she said. “I want to be able to contact you at all times and know where you are and what you’re doing.”
“What, you wanna know when I’m peeing and everything?” Mitch joked, and Robin smacked him again.
“No,” Blossom wrinkled her nose, and flitted off.
“That was really gross, dude,” Dog said, and Mitch mighta kicked him a little.
The grub wasn’t bad, and by the time they were done Blossom was back with a clipboard and smudges on her uniform.
“The van is finished,” she said, “and it should be fully stocked with all the supplies you’ll need.”
She led them out to the garage area, and though the outside of the van looked exactly the same, the inside was stacked, reinforced metal plates and a pull-out armory and a shiny new radio with a comm attached that buzzed with static and half-garbled reports. Sweet, Mitch grinned.
“The shield tech will be on your way as soon as I have another moment to spare,” Blossom said. “Till then, try to stay aware. Nothing is safe where the aliens are.”
“We know,” Robin said, a little snappish, and got into the driver’s seat.
“Thanks, Blossom,” Mike said, and Elmer and Mitch sort of mumbled along as they got into the van. The Dog jumped in behind them.
“Good luck,” she said. “If you find anyone else like the elementary school, get them to a safe haven.”
“That’s the plan,” Mike said, and was about to shut the door when someone yelled from across the garage.
“Wait!”
And who should be hustling over but the good ole teach, Miss Keane. She skidded to a stop, panting.
“I’m going with them!”
“Miss Keane, that’s all kinds of bad ideas,” Mitch said.
“Mr. Mitchelson, when you speak English properly you can determine what’s a bad idea for me to do and what isn’t,” she said briskly, moving towards the front seat. “Scoot over, Mr. Believe.”
“Miss Keane, I was really hoping you could come back with me and help out my team,” Blossom said, and Miss Keane touched her arm.
“You’ll do just fine without me,” she said fondly, “and these kids need me more than you do right now.”
“No we don’t,” Mitch said, and someone hit him. When is the hitting gonna stop, he wondered grumpily.
“Well…” Blossom chewed her lip, and then took a step back. “Okay. But call me if you’re in trouble.”
“Of course,” Miss Keane said, and shut the door. “Miss Schneider, to base, if you please.”
Without a word Robin drove away, back out into the slimy unknown. Mitch took a good look outside and stifled a wave of homesickness. This was way more exciting than babysitting his granny.
…he wondered if she was okay.
Then he shook off the thought and concentrated on keeping lookout.