What Nourishes Me, Destroys Me (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	annoyed	]

So, I was SO excited to come back from my boyfriend's this morning and weigh myself. I did drink two beers last night, but other than that I stuck to my fast, and when he drank beer I was drinking big tall glasses of water. We also had quite energy-consuming sex last night, I'm sure that burned a lot of calories...

This morning I had a glass of water and a Sugarfree Redbull. But even though I did so well last night, even though I haven't eaten in the past 36 hours, I still weigh the fucking same as I did yesterday- 138. Which I'm already getting sick of. I want to be 130. By this time next week.

Well, oh well. I'll continue my fast today, drink more water and less coffee, exercise more. Yesterday was a very good day though.

Lets hope today can be better. I'm fasting until at least tonight at midnight, but I'm going longer if I can. I will.

Oh yeah, and my period started last night, so maybe my lack of weight loss is from bloating? I hope so. Well, I'm not going to give in just because of my period.

My boyfriend last night told me I needed to work on my eating. He knows I have an eating disorder. And he tells me I should try to eat at least one meal a day, "get a couple hamburgers and some fries and chili from Wendy's" he says. I just say, please...
He knows but he has NO idea.
It's because I probably sound like a drama queen. Always talking about starving, but I'm still a fatass wth love handles and a potbelly.
He said he loves my tummy. I sucked in [which made my hip bones protrude and my ribs show _slightly_] and said I could maybe understand if I looked more like this, and he said that was "too skinny." [Is there such a thing?] But HE'S THAT SKINNY. His ribs stick out [not unnaturally, just a very thin man], and I can see his spine in his back when he leans foward, and his hip bones are perfect and stick out [he's got such a sexy body].
I tell him, but YOU'RE that skinny. And he says, "yeah but I hate my body."
[Can you imagine! A body like THAT and hating it!]
And I finally just say, well too bad because that's how I'm going to look before I'm happy with myself.

I WILL.
And he'll be thankful. =)

Does anyone want to join me with my fast? I still allow non-fat, extremely low-cal drinks, tic tacs [are heavenly], and water. I'd love the company.

Anyway, I need to lose more weight. Don't even know how long it took me to go from 145 to 138, but that's only seven pounds lost!
At least I'm really starting to get my discipline back, like I used to have when I was anorexic years ago.
I like that. It's getting more natural to say no to foods.

Oh and today I'm officially throwing out all my food I have in my dorm room that I bought for moving in.
I can't be tempted my it.

I hope everyone has a productive day, think thin!
♥