‘Twas The (2nd Annual?!) Night Before Razzmas… (original) (raw)

And all through the site

We were checking on pitchers

Whose shoulders were all tight

It has been two long months now

Since those arms, they were tested.

And that fateful fifth-inning

Where the Yankees were bested.

Gather ’round, all RazzChildren

For it’s MarmosDad time

To recount the year’s happenings

With a jolly ‘ball rhyme’.

We can turn back to March

To review from our crew

Some predictions or hopes

By our writer’s group too.

It was Butters’ Chourio, a call right on the mark

Keelin’s Kirk forecast, oof, left her out in the dark.

Bold predictions? Well some of them were not so swell,

Marmo’s mancrush? A 20/15 Jo Adell?!

Let’s recount some of this year’s big hits (or *chef’s kisses*)

For all of you lovely RazzBros and RazzMiss’es

It was early draft season when I sat down with Keelin

Had some injury guesses and some guys we were feelin’

Could be sleeper-type dudes, prettier than Ted Danson

But I whiffed on my 30-bombs from Danny Jansen!

We prophesied lots from the tight AL East

And included a pic of that McDonald’s beast

Seems that Grimace had not the lone big purple-leg

‘Twas my hamstring that blew like a great powdered keg

After that, on to C&C’s factory pod

To pontificate, chat, and guess which guys to laud.

Had some theories and favorites, the names they were said

So we chatted a while and we sweat ’til we bled.

Mike and Jeremy spoke, I was certainly glad

That my guesses panned out for our Guerrero, Vlad.

But alas, the Blue Jays, they were quite in the shite,

So let’s recap some things that did seem to go right!

Bobby Witt? Holy sh*t! He took home a hit crown!

Early drafters of Skubal clearly were not let down.

Luis Gil? R.O.Y., though was tough to align

A near 12 strikeout rate with 4 plus walks per nine!

Aaron Judge was the pick for AL MVP

But those wealthy Mets swooped and stole Soto from thee!

Even cloudy, dark Pittsburgh had a radiant glow

For the Summer of Skenes and the Livvy Dunne show.

I think I’d be remiss, maybe lead you astray

If I didn’t acknowledge King Dodger, Shohei.

40/40 club? Nah, there’s, “No way, Jose.”

That’s too easy. Just like writing puns is for Grey.

50/50? Yep, now we are cooking with gas.

There’s a club just for you! This man’s in his own class.

For DadMarmo? Had a blast with the ranking of arms

And I do hope I did provide more help than harm

Gave some streamers or pitchers who would help out your squad

That you managed to entrust to this Marmo’s Dad-bod.

I was right on the nose with Cole Ragans and King

Outlined Arrighetti in my 300-plus thing.

Did I miss some, oh sure! But please cut me some slack,

Even though I threw shade at that Flaherty, Jack.

Did I have faith in Sale? He’d be healthy through Fall?

‘Bout as much as I thought Tyson’d lose to Jake Paul.

But I did learn that for every rostered Paul Skenes,

There’s a handful of whiffs; we’re not Roto-machines!

We’ll keep plowing through words when the snow starts to melt.

And hopefully, lay claim to that gold Razzslam belt!

I enjoyed all our chats and the comments from all

You asked questions, shared stories, and some made us “lol”!

Come on back in springtime if you’ve something to say

I’ll take lead like brave Rudolph did with Santa’s sleigh.

For now, I’ll sit back with a holiday beverage

And check how, once again, Blue Jays were used for leverage.

First Ohtani, then Soto, and I fear the next turns

Will be Giants fans cheers for ‘their ace’ Corbin Burnes.

Ah I’m sure that one brother hurled curses like a sailor

When the Guards traded Canada’s 1B Josh Naylor.

Max Fried to the Yanks? Garrett switched up his Sox?

Arenado to Houston? But not if he blocks!

Wait! The Astros flipped Tucker? No way! Holy Smokes!

And Cubs fans can now access Sam Jackson swear jokes!

Lots of movement, it’s true, but turn to our website.

Who can help you make sure you get all your teams right?

For next season, we will see some new names in new places

Look to Itch to profile all those young rookie faces.

Deeper leagues? Have no fear we can give those a jolt.

With our only-leagues expert, the superb Laura Holt.

And I’d guess that we’ll see an in-depth from Cool Whip

That looks more into Roki Sasaki’s cool ‘drip’

To the Dodgers? I’m guessing (like they need any more)

For a dynasty bought at the free agent store.

Looking up Truss’s words for those tough RCLs

Or the Perts League squads! Mine? Ya, it went straight to hell.

There were even a few folks who did not want to go

With BDon’s defamation of a shortstop named Bo.

I can bet there’s more things that you didn’t see coming

But I think that I hear little drummer boy drumming!

After all that long wind, nothing much more to say

Happy Holidays to all from Truss, Rudy, and Grey!

Best wishes to all of the writers, readers, and the entire Razzball family. Health and happiness for a prosperous 2025! I’ll see you all in February! MarmosDad.