renee9894, posts by tag: wisdom - LiveJournal (original) (raw)

| | My Dad would have been 60 years old today. Not a day goes by that you're not in my heart and thoughts. Imiss you. "You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?Tags:♥, 99 lives, a series of unfortunate events, dad, family, i won't regret saying this, life, love, love is dis-gust-ing, truths, updates, wisdom, wrapped up in thingsLocation:looking backMood:sadMusic:Cat's in the Cradel So here is the deal everybody, some of my friends are on tour right now and coming to playat Will’s Pub in Orlando Florida on Sept. 14th, 2011… The Goddamn Gallowsis in my option one of the best bands around! I’m not just saying that because I’m friends with them, they will melt your face off with there awesomeness! Jayke OrvisI have only met once, but I dig him and his band. He is part of the Farmageddon Family so go show your support. JamesHunnicutWell if you can't tell from my posts over the last few months, I am Huge fan of his! His songs are amazing!He has a voice like velvet! He is not only talented, but he is one of the funniestsweetest guys you will ever meet! He has become my favorite person to see perform live. If you want to check him out, I have some videos of him performing up on my youtube page. My username is LUCKSlilDOLLY. Please go out and support them. I know it is a Wednesday night and you all have jobs, but it is going to be an amazing show! I’m going to bug the shit out of all of you until you agree to go! Bring your friends! Spread the word! Thanks!<input ... > Click on people's faces in the photo to tag them. <input ... > Mike Dehlin & James Hinnicutt. Tags:♥, 99 lives, all things considered, circles, family, fan club, fun, get on my level, love, shows, these things i know, travel, updates, well now ya know, wisdom, work, wrapped up in thingsLocation:In a Rockabilly Love AffairMood:pleasedMusic:Long Black Veil/My Wayward Bride - by James Hunnicutt "Beauty and the Beast" still has a soft spot with me. Even at a young age, I identified with Belle. What little bookworm didn't?There's that amazing moment in the movie when the Beast opens his doors to his library and you see shelf after shelf of books. Even thinking about that scene makes my heart stop. What a way to woo a woman! Tags:analogy, art, happy like i used to be, looking back, truths, who i used to be, wisdomLocation:HomeMood:BellMusic:Something There - Beauty and the Beast It's Friday 13th. Hockey mask... Check... Machete... Check…I think I'm going to break a mirror, walk under a ladder, let a black cat walk past me, open an umbrella indoors, spill some salt, wear a hat to bed, step on a crack in the sidewalk.... Then make some prank calls to friends.To my friends…. It's Friday the 13th, Avoid Crystal Lake altogether. And if a tall dude in a hockey mask tries to stab you. If the fucker even thinks about it, you will need to run upstairs. Because that is how you get away from serial killers, you run upstairs, where the only way out is to jump to your death instead.To the people I dislike…. Today would be the perfect day to go investigate that noise in the woods… Alone… In your underwear… With a cheap flashlight! (*note: I never want to see an Alien Vs Jason movie)Tags:fan club, funny, get on my level, i won't regret saying this, i'm the only one laughing here, what i meant to say, wisdomLocation:Crystal Lake fighting Zombies If I could travel back to October 2009 and slap myself I would!!! I really messed that up good :(Tags:all things considered, cause i'm a bad person, crew 38, happy like i used to be, love, outlaws, something better left alone, these things i know, travel, wisdom, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderLocation:looking backMusic:Rest Stop - Matchbox Twenty Tags:all things considered, america, analogy, cause i'm a bad person, dad, family, home, i won't regret saying this, i'm the only one laughing here, life, outlaws, something better left alone, the nothing, these things i know, travel, truths, what i meant to say, wisdom, work, wrapped up in thingsLocation:SeattleMood:workingMusic:the weary kind - ryan bingham I'm moving to Capital Hill in a few months!Trystan and I are going to be roommates.Tags:all things considered, america, art, cause i'm a bad person, downsize, family, friends, fun, happy like i used to be, home, i won't regret saying this, i'm the only one laughing here, law, life, moving on, ragdoll, school, shows, something better left alone, the gap is from you, the nothing, these things i know, travel, truths, updates, we, well now ya know, wisdom, work, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderLocation:Langley to SeattleMood:TwistedMusic:Flight of the Conchords Ep2 Inner City Pressure Life is pretty disrespectful of obsessions.Tags:all things considered, back to me, circles, dad, family, life, moving on, outlaws, over it, ragdoll, school, what i meant to say, who i used to be, wisdom, work, wrapped up in thingsLocation:LangleyMood:ready Tags:all things considered, cause i'm a bad person, i'm the only one laughing here, so they say, something better left alone, the gap is from you, these things i know, truths, what i meant to say, wisdom, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderMusic:Rob Thomas - This Is How A Heart Breaks Tags:all things considered, america, analogy, back to me, because that's how i roll, biker, cause i'm a bad person, circles, dad, downsize, family, fan club, friends, get on my level, happy like i used to be, home, i'm just saying, i'm the only one laughing here, law, life, looking back, meds make me silly, moving on, outlaws, poptart, r.i.p, ragdoll, school, shows, sleep, so they say, something better left alone, the gap is from you, the nothing, these things i know, truths, updates, voyuerism, we, well now ya know, what i meant to say, who i used to be, wisdom, work, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderLocation:misplacedMusic:Playboy Mommy - Tori Amos Tags:all things considered, analogy, back to me, because that's how i roll, biker, cause i'm a bad person, circles, dad, downsize, fan club, friends, get on my level, happy like i used to be, hate mail, i'm just saying, i'm the only one laughing here, life, looking back, love, moving on, outlaws, over it, poptart, r.i.p, ragdoll, shows, sleep, so they say, something better left alone, the gap is from you, the nothing, these things i know, truths, updates, voyuerism, well now ya know, what i meant to say, who i used to be, wisdom, work, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderMood:busyMusic:School Night - Ani Difranco Oh, what the hell, " she says, "I just can't win for losing"And she lays back downMan, there's so many times I don't know what I'm doin'Like I don't know nowAnd by the light of the moon, she rubs her eyesSays, "It's funny how the night can make you blind"I can just imagineAnd I don't know what I'm supposed to doBut if she feels bad, then I do, tooSo I let her beAnd she says, "Ooh, I can't take no more"Her tears like diamonds on the floorAnd her diamonds bring me down'Cause I can't help her nowShe's down in itShe tried her best and now she can't winIt's hard to see them on the groundHer diamonds falling downWay downShe sits down and stares into the distanceAnd it takes all nightAnd I know I could break her concentrationBut it don't feel rightAnd by the light of the moon, she rubs her eyesSits down on the bed and starts to cryAnd there's something less about herAnd I don't know what I'm supposed to doSo I sit down and I cry, tooBut don't let her seeAnd she says, "Ooh, I can't take no more"Her tears like diamonds on the floorAnd her diamonds bring me down'Cause I can't help her nowShe's down in itShe tried her best and now she can't winIt's hard to see them on the groundHer diamonds falling downShe shuts out the night and tries to close her eyesIf she can find daylight, then she'll be alrightShe'll be alright, just not tonightAnd she says, "Ooh, I can't take no more"Her tears like diamonds on the floorAnd her diamonds bring me down'Cause I can't help her nowShe's down in itShe tried her best and now she can't winIt's hard to see them on the groundHer diamonds fallingOoh, I can't take no moreHer tears like diamonds on the floorBut her diamonds bring me down'Cause I can't help her nowShe's down in itShe tried her best and now she can't winIt's hard to see them on the groundHer diamonds falling downI can't take no moreDiamonds on the floorNo more (no more), no moreDiamonds falling downI can't take no moreDiamonds on the floorNo more, no more (no more, no more)Diamonds falling down, yeahI can't take no moreDiamonds on the floor (no more, no more)Her diamonds falling, all her diamonds (no more)Diamonds falling downI can't take these diamonds falling downTags:all things considered, back to me, biker, cause i'm a bad person, chs, circles, crew 38, dad, family, fan club, friends, get on my level, happy like i used to be, home, i'm just saying, i'm the only one laughing here, law, life, looking back, meds make me silly, moving on, outlaws, over it, poptart, r.i.p, ragdoll, sleep, so they say, something better left alone, the gap is from you, the nothing, these things i know, truths, updates, voyuerism, we, well now ya know, what i meant to say, who i used to be, wisdom, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderMood:lost ...I looked at it as if it reminded me of a crime I had committed, with an irrespressive smile such as rises somtimes to people's lips in the face of great catastrophes which are beyond their grasp, the smile which comes at times on certain women's faces while they are saying they regret the harm they have done. It is the smile of nature quietly and proudly asserting its natural right to kill, the smile which the animal in the jungle never shows but by which man reveals when the animal re-enters his being and reasserts its presence. It was the evil siren in me, ready to lure the hapless sailor to an enticing but rocky death.But I couldn't do it! Not to him.Tags:all things considered, analogy, cause i'm a bad person, fan club, friends, get on my level, life, love, moving on, over it, ragdoll, shows, something better left alone, the gap is from you, the nothing, these things i know, truths, updates, voyuerism, we, what i meant to say, wisdom, wrapped up in things, you might be a contenderLocation:waitingMood:Evil SirenMusic:Sober - by Pink Tags:america, funny, law, these things i know, truths, wisdom, workLocation:workingMood:amusedMusic:American me - by Tactical Sekt Colorful arsenal I often wonder who you areand what you’re doing hereand why you want to knowanything about meI often wonder who I amand how I've changedbut I never missthe person I wasuntil I see the peoplethat used to make me if I could spell out the world in metaphorsand candy coated sentencesthis might be a little easierbut I’m bound by my mindand this place is not conducive to wordsyou made me a mix tape and took me to the laser showwe crack some jokes and you tried to put your arm around mebut I spun awayspun in circles like a hurricanethat will blow right threw you and you'll never controland you adored me, and I adored youbut then again, I always doI always come throughand I'm always strongerand always better at the endI always learn moreand I'm always becoming a better personno matter what path I choose, I will be better for itif I fail, I will still rise above everything and everyoneexceeding all expectations while shifting threw molds, mirrors, and masks because I’m a phoneixand I’ve burned a thousand timesevery time rising from the ash bettermore put together and a more beautiful personI’ll apologize to no oneI will not be anything to anyoneI will not give anything to anyoneexcept everything that I already amand everything that I have to giveTags:chs, circles, crew 38, fan club, friends, life, love, ragdoll, robeee, something better left alone, t.h.d, truths, wisdom, work, you might be a contenderLocation:needing sleep!Mood:mischievousMusic:along for the ride - by rainy dayassembly Lyrics:I don't know what I've doneOr if I like what I've begunBut something told me to runAnd honey you know me it's all or noneThere were sounds in my headLIttle voices whisperingThat I should go and this should endOh and I found myself listening'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without youAll I know is that I shouldAnd I don't know if I could stand another hand upon meAll I know is that I should'Cos she will love you more than I couldShe who dares to stand where I stoodSee I thought love was black and whiteThat it was wrong or it was rightBut you ain't leaving without a fightAnd I think I am just as torn inside'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without youAll I know is that I shouldAnd I don't know if I could stand another hand upon meAll I know is that I should'Cos she will love you more than I couldShe who dares to stand where I stoodAnd I won't be far from where you are if ever you should callYou meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at allBut you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to youThis is what I have to do'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without youAll I know is that I shouldAnd I don't know if I could stand another hand upon meAll I know is that I should'Cos she will love you more than I couldShe who dares to stand where I stoodOh, she who dares to stand where I stood Tags:friends, life, love, over it, poptart, the gap is from you, the nothing, truths, we, wisdom, you might be a contenderLocation:Misinformed and wondering whyMood:Misinformed “I was raised to be charming, not sincere.”- Cinderella's Prince: Into the Woods –“ The value and quality of any love is determined solely by the lover himself”- Carson McCullers' Ballad of the Sad Café –--------------------------------------------------------------What'd ya think this is fun for me? All this sitting around Not blogging. You think I ENJOY all these thoughts piling up with no where to go. Well it’s not fun and it’s especially not fun when my two friends pointed it out to me last night after dinner. They were talking about my old livejournal, which I was blogging in faithfully up until mid January of this year. When we got back to their house, BOTH my friends nearly attacked me with sorries cause they "thought" by the look on my face and perhaps even my body language that I was MISERABLE while that guy came over to talk and they thought I was then even MAD at them. And I had NO CLUE A. that they thought thisB. that they noticed meC. that I looked so upsetD. that they thought I was MAD!It was shocking on so many levels to even hear them say this to me. Cause even though I WAS in my own thoughts at times, I was NEVER upset or mad. But apparently my face is completely disconnected from my thoughts. Or maybe its not.I don’t get it. I cannot hide anything. There is no superficial me.I don’t even know HOW to be superficial. Maybe I do, and maybe this is why I dislike sales people so much.Ah yes. So in conclusion. Please don’t read my face cause it’s probably wrong but I will give you my honest stream of thoughts if you ask me and if you don’t want to talk then I'll just give you some x-ray vision and you can watch all the thoughts mingle in my brain and see which ones slide down to my heart. Maybe they are even sliding for you.Tags:cause i'm a bad person, fan club, friends, quote, the gap is from you, travel, truths, well now ya know, wisdomMood:confusedMusic:Careless Whisper - by George Michael "You cursed brat. Look what you've done. I'm Melting! Melting !,….. Oh, what a world! What a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness."Tags:all things considered, america, analogy, cause i'm a bad person, fan club, poptart, quote, ragdoll, the nothing, these things i know, truths, updates, we, well now ya know, wisdom, workMood:GOODlilGIRLMusic:Novermber Rain - by Gun's N Roses Tags:all things considered, analogy, back to me, because that's how i roll, biker, cause i'm a bad person, circles, friends, happy like i used to be, i'm just saying, ibar, life, love, moving on, poptart, robeee, so they say, something better left alone, t.h.d, the gap is from you, the nothing, travel, truths, updates, voyuerism, well now ya know, wisdom, you might be a contenderLocation:The DomicileMood:hopeful Tags:family, friends, love, so they say, these things i know, truths, wbt, well now ya know, wisdomMood:loved **"When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed" - Man that you fear, by Marilyn Manson. _"Not everyone has a sob story, Charlie, and even if they do, it's no excuse."** **-The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky.**Tags:cause i'm a bad person, quote, so they say, these things i know, truths, voyuerism, wisdomMood:pleasedMusic:32 Flavors - by Ani After IBar on Wed, Cherie and I are walking back to my car and when we get there, I find my window (well my temp window from the last time my car got broken into) broken, and flowers on my car seat! I can't believe someone broke into my car... I mean look at it! Seriously….. ? My car is UGLY... I don’t have anything valuable in it! This is the exact reason I don’t leave my registration and other personal information in the glove box. What’s so messed up about this was that they didn’t break into the vehicle to steal something. They broke the window and left flowers on my backseat! They didn’t even reach in and unlock the car doors and go threw any of my things in the car. I of course have my suspicions and thoughts on possible suspects, but I’ll admit they all pretty far fetched (even for me). Just for future reference - I would much prefer to find a flower under my windshield wiper, or better yet have the balls to come up and give me a flower. HAHA. How unnecessary for this to have happened… The thing is, I don’t really care…. I have more important thing on my mind… Things that have had me giddy, giggling, and walking around with a dumb smile on my face all day. I don’t want to jinx anything just yet, so more details will come later, maybe….Tags:fan club, friends, happy like i used to be, harley, ibar, looking back, robeee, school, truths, wisdomLocation:All in my headMood:quixotic As I've always been an admirer of the english language, it bothers me when the majority of our culture seems to confuse the meanings of certain words with other words that have entirely different meanings. I have taken the liberty to consult Webster's to help clarify a few of the following misconceptions:1. Beauty- (n.) the quality present in a person or thing that gives intense aesthetic pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind or the senses.Often confused with: perfection-(n.) the state or quality of being or becoming perfect2. Friendship-(n.) a friendly relation of intimacyOften confused with: popularity- (n.) the quality or fact of being popular3. Patriotism-(n.) devoted love, support, and defense of one's countryOften confused with: prejudice- (n.) an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge or reason; also, stupidity- (n.) the state, quality, or fact of being stupid4. Feminism- (n.) a doctrine advocating social, political, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.; also, feminist- (n.) a person whose beliefs and behavior are based on feminismOften confused with: lesbian- (n.) a female homosexual; also, bitch- (slang) a malicious, unpleasant woman; also, ball-busting bra burner- _Webster's offered no specific definition for this particular term, which is pretty self-explanatory._5. Success- (n.) the favourable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavorsOften confused with: money- (n.) any circulating medium of exchange, including coins, paper money, and demand deposits; also, power- (n.) the possession of control or command over others6. Love- (n.) a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, esp. when based on sexual attraction.Often confused with: power- see above; also, lust- (n.) intense sexual desire or appetite; also, infatuation- (n.) foolish or all-absorbing passion; also, obligation- (n.) something by which a person is bound to do certain things, and which arises out of a sense of duty or results from custom, law, etc.Some might find this blog to be pretentious- (n.) characterized by the assumption of dignity, importance, artistic distinction, etc. or verbose (n.)- expressed in or characterized by the use of many or too many words. The ideas expressed within are based on opinion- (n.) a personal view, attitude, or appraisal. The woman who holds these opinions doesn't give a damn what some might think. Tags:so they say, well now ya know, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:surprisedMusic:White and Nerdy - by Weird Al Yankovic I had some good conversations at IBar the last two Sundays the first with Peggy and the second with Anna. I am so glad that we talked, I’m even happy that I was a little tipsy during the conversation, a sober me would have held back. I think it was therapeutic for me to get to spill out my innermost thoughts and feelings. You’d never have the slightest clue what your words did for me because it was something that cannot be seen by the eye alone. You just…. Made me feel good. Thank you both.Tags:friends, ibar, truths, wbt, wisdomMood:thankfulMusic:Life Is Beautiful - by Sixx AM And he says to me "let's just be friends"my whole love life flashes before mein white lines of nothingness, oderless and colorlessand intoxicatingIt's always been "let's just be friends"No one looks deep anymoreeveryone sees covers like people are magazinesIf the cover model isn't airbrushed to artificial perfectionno one would buy itand it would sit on the shelf in a store somewhereA momentum of superficial American Cultureno one looks for an alternative definition of beautyBeauty is not something you can put in a categoryBeauty isn't about eyesit's about hearts and souls and mindsand people are so quick to judge beautyand make it into a perfectly compact little piece of perfectionbut it wont fitand I'll be like that magazinegathering dustdespite my fucking brilliant articlesTags:analogy, back to me, friends, happy like i used to be, i'm just saying, love, the nothing, truths, voyuerism, wbt, wisdomLocation:cold and can't sleepMood:envious Tags:wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:relaxed The skeletons are safer in the closet, though at times they come out and bother us. There was no way he could have come to Florida and not stop in and attempted a reconciliation. He knew he had found one, and he couldn't let her go at any cost. She must not get away, she couldn't get away, she was his, and had been for years. Looking into her green eyes, he could taste of her worth. She couldn't sense it, and it sealed her fate.The poorly lit conditions made her hair look slightly demonic. Grasping her hand, he noticed the special care that had been taken in the way her nails were painted; and smiled at the thought that he was worth the trouble. She should have suspected what was next, but nevertheless nothing could have prepared her. She knew who he was, and was all too familiar with his habits. Yet, she cared for him anyway, and he loved her, in a way she had never know love before. And before she knew what was going on, she found her mouth on his. They kissed as if they were starved for something, striving to find it through their mouths. His hands outstretched, fingertips bore deep. Muscles tighten in her body and she arched her back, a silent scream exploded in her brain. As his fingers ran up and down her like a piano.She saw her reflection in his thoughts. They had both lost their innocence long before that night, and discarded their dreams somewhere threw time . The boundary between reality and wonder shares common ground with the point where the sky and sea meet. She will forget this day tomorrow, only to return here again for another moment of peace and tranquility in a world that doesn't know what gentle is or why you would search for it. She knew She'd been here before, but she couldn't remember enough to have an impact on her life or to change the way she does things. He's like a constant deja vu. She doesn't need him but she wants him here with her. "Our time together," he said "has more meaning than anything else in the world." And as he stood looking at her... His creation, he now understood it all. He put himself into her and made her his mural and no one could ever change that. It was there. Forever. His love, his hate, his fears, his feelings, his confusion, his everything, was there on her easel. There was also a new light that he saw shines within her. It flowed in all directions to keep her in touch with every aspect of herself instead of just flowing in one linear current with no real obstacle. Years had washed a piece of her soul away in its turbulence but returned it to her in an ebb of emotions she deemed lost.The confusion cremates itself, leaving behind the ashes of its uncertainty and a new foundation for growth. the transparency of her eyes were like twisting stained glass revealing a kaleidoscope of emotions. In a world behind her eyes, where a dozen tiny ships drift every word he ever uttered, to the shores of security. Writing their lies upon time and much more. He feed off her love because it would always be there. Her mind drifted and she remembered a women she'd met once who said "Honey, time is what you've got. He ain't never gonna take that from you. Your going to suprise us all one day, and then he'll say "I knew her when...." She kept the advice wrapped delicately in a fragile box under her arm, treasured, even if it was not yet appreciated. She turned to see how far she had come, and saw thousands of tiny stains where her tears dried and eroded.The door to the past stands painfully before her like an arbiter with his judgment. She saw that this door is what kept her there. She has been afraid to leave all she's ever known and seen. Standing so close to freedom, but bound to the life she'd known. She had been holding onto her faith, and when she died inside she was absolutely sure where she was going. It was about being locked in and holding the key in her hand, so afraid to let go and step out of his and her asylum. It would be an asylum for as long as she lived, but not as long as she died. She knew they would be together forever, but always apart, bonded strangers, friendly enemies. Remembering it all opened wounds, only to close the initial one.The offspring that came of this root would wither and decay at the loss of their foundation. She looked at the door only to discover it had not been a journey with regression, but with a far more deceptive kind of healing -- healing that allows looking backwards as a means for moving towards the creation of wings.Tags:back to me, looking back, love, moving on, the nothing, truths, voyuerism, well now ya know, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:accomplishedMusic:Sleeps with Butterflies - Tori Amos "....I'll tell you what I want, and you tell me the possibilities....""Can you call yourself a Coward simply because the courage of others seems to you out of proportion to the triviality of the occasion? Thus wisdom creates Cowards. And thus you miss the opportunity while spending your life on the look out for it. You have to seize the opportunity instinctively, without knowing at the time that it is the opportunity." _- focault's pendulum, umberto eco-_Tags:moving on, truths, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:curiousMusic:LEAVING EARTH - CODE 64 "People are always shouting because they want to create a better future. It's not true. The future is an apathetic void of no interest to anyone. The past is full of life, eager to irritate us, provoke and insult us, tempt us to destroy or repaint it. The only reason people want to be masters of the future is to change the past."-Milan Kundera-Tags:america, happy like i used to be, i'm just saying, looking back, truths, voyuerism, well now ya know, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:determinedMusic:Lips of an Anel - Hinder "Those who cannot feel the littleness of great things in themselves are apt to overlook the greatness of little things in others" - Kakuzo OkakuraTags:i'm just saying, wisdomMood:happy "Give a little whistle, and let your concience be your guide." -Jimminy Crickit-Tags:wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:contentMusic:white trash beautiful - Everlast Disappointment: noun. Unhappiness caused by the failure of one's hopes, desires, or expectations. 'For Disappointments, that come not by our own Folly, they are the Tryals or Corrections of Heaven: And it is our own Fault, if they prove not our Advantage.'--- _William Penn_Tags:looking back, love, something better left alone, truths, voyuerism, wbt, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:disappointedMusic:Ani DiFranco - Sorry I Am | Scrobbled by Last.fm Tags:friends, truths, wbt, we, well now ya know, wisdomLocation:Dirty JerseyMood:flirty Sometimes it seems I'll never fully understand or be able to accept with grace the loneliness of the spirit that comes with shattering clarity from some secret place deep within my heart. Why do I so desperately need?Why is the rain storm in the darkest of night more valid than the promise of the warmth of tomorrow's sun? Is it because the things that are intangible have more substance than the material things of this world? If only this were true, then I will know that nothing I wish to keep can ever be lost again. For surely memories and love are intangible; and if they are part of my today, then today will be part of my tomorrow.We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first boy I ever loved was someone I knew in grammar school. The last man I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count.But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe nine or ten of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.This is the individual who embodies your personal definition of love. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything.The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. "But that person still wins.”_They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else." (Chuck Klosterman)_My fear is such that I dare not look too closely or to far ahead; just continue moment to moment and hope.I have to leave for work; I will finish this blog later, maybe. Maybe not it hurts too much to think about it all now, my mind can be worse then the truth sometimesDid I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.Tags:fan club, friends, looking back, love, moving on, voyuerism, wbt, well now ya know, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:disappointedMusic:shadowbox - by fiona Apple So for those of you that know me, I walked away from my job at the hospital to work full time for the "lawyer." Alot of people were really supprised when I did this, as they didn't understand why on earth somone would do this, and I've been asked alot of questions about the decision. There are times in ones life, that you wake up, and realize that things that once were important, are no longer. Your perspective changes, and you see the world around you in a way you never had. In movies, there are often several versions of the same film. One might be revered, while the other, nearly identical version is dispised and ridiculed. Sometimes as a creator, after completion of your work, you realize you did everything completly wrong, and want a redo, a chance to fix, edit, rub out, and start again. Sometimes you realize that after all your hard work, there is just something wrong with the final image.Tags:analogy, law, looking back, wisdom, workLocation:The DomicileMood:hopefulMusic:Rocket Man - Elton John The following link is for a Harvard study on "Implicit Association", meaning it determines "prejucial beliefs" that you may have wether you know it or not. You have the option of taking sample tests or participating in the actual study. The tests themselves pertain to skin color, political affiliation, weight, race, gender, sexuality, and more. Tags:crew 38, friends, quiz, wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:indifferentMusic:Human Nature - Madona Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, was quoted as saying the following:"PAIN IS NOT A PUNISHMENT AND PLEASURE IS NOT A REWARD"I find these words circulating through my mind throughout the day.It refers to one of the three Marks of Existance as well as one of the four Noble Truths in Buddhism:The inescapability of suffering. Inescapable. Isn't that a surprising relief?Tags:wisdomLocation:The DomicileMood:contemplativeMusic:Bang Bang - Nancy Sinatra Top of Page | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |