work it. (original) (raw)

5:13p

Have the multicultural police heard about this movie? (Note: The non-multicultural attitudes portrayed in the movie I am about to review do not reflect the attitudes of me, the reviewer)

I saw a cool movie this weekend entitled Shaolin challenges Ninja (released 1979; available on DVD via Amazon). It's about a Chinese Kung Fu fighter who inadverdently provokes a Japanese Ninja master and his followers into a fight.

As is the rule in Chinese Kung Fu movies, Shaolin challenges Ninja has a strong anti-Japanese flavor. The portrayal of the Japanese characters in this movie is so negative that it makes_30 Seconds Over Tokyo_ look like Snow Falling on Cedars. As portrayed in this film, Japanese fighters are dishonorable and sneaky, unlike the honest and forthright Chinese hero.

The film takes a bit too long to get started. The Chinese hero marries a Japanese woman, and the husband and wife argue over which of their respective nations has the best fighting techniques. The husband points out that Japanese fighting styles are inferior to Chinese styles, plus they're dishonorable, and the parts that aren't dishonorable are simply ripped off from the Chinese. The wife, for some reason, takes umbrage at her husband's perfectly reasonable comments, and she goes back to Japan to hang out with her old martial-arts teacher, a guy who still seems to have romantic designs on her. The husband writes a letter to his wife in which he reiterates his critique of Japanese fighting styles. The Japanese fighter reads the letter, even though it wasn't meant for his eyes, and he takes it upon himself to avenge the insult to his country.

The Japanese guy takes several of his colleagues with him, and they come to the husband's martial-arts school to challenge him. Of course, this being a Chinese Kung Fu movie, the Japanese fighters don't propose an honorable fight. They propose that the hero fight the seven Japanese fighters, encountering the different fighters on seven successive days. Each fighter practices a different form of Japanese martial arts.

After this elaborate, and frankly unnecessary, set-up, the movie finally gets to the good stuff. Every day, the valiant Chinese hero fights with a different Japanese martial artist. The first few fights are easily won by the Chinese hero. Then this big, hulking Japanese Judo master accosts the hero just minutes after his most recent fight. The Judo master crows that it's midnight, hence a new day, and so it's time for a new fight. The hero's wife (who has by now reconciled with him) protests that her husband is still recovering from the last battle, and it wouldn't be fair to start another fight so soon. But the big, mean Judo master refuses to play fair, and so he starts fighting. The brave Chinese hero is almost overcome, but his servant helps him out by pouring grease on him, so that the Judo master literally can't get a grip on his opponent. Then the Judo master slips and falls on some grease that the hero's servant put on the floor, and the fight is over. This proves that, if the Japanese fighters insist on cheating, they will get their comeuppance, because the Chinese can, if necesarry, excel the Japanese even at cheating.

There is one opponent left, the Japanese Ninja master, who is a truly formidable opponent. The Ninja, of course, are masters of all the arts of sneaky, dishonorable fighting, and all the hero's friends warn him against fighting this guy. The hero, however, bravely dares to face the great Ninja master. To hone his skills in preparation for this battle, the hero seeks training from one of the stock characters in Chinese Kung Fu movies: The insane alcoholic martial artist who fights better drunk than anyone else can fight sober. The only problem with getting training from insane alcoholic martial artists is that they don't want to give lessons. They just want to be left alone so that they can drink wine out of humongous jugs. To trick the insane alcoholic into giving lessons, the hero's friends attack the alcoholic, who then beats up the friends while the hero takes notes on the alcoholic's techniques.

The hero awaits the stealthy approach of the Ninja master. He hears someone approach, but it's just his wife (talk about enormous jugs!). But then, suddenly, the hero realizes that the approaching figure isn't his wife - it's the crafty Ninja master dressed as a woman! Then there are several fight scenes in which the Ninja master, instead of fighting fairly, keeps disappearing only to jump out and attack the hero at inconvenient times. To make a long story short, the hero is almost overcome, but finally he beats the Ninja master and gives him a long - overdue lecture about honor.