It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you. Without a dope....fic to come to? (original) (raw)

Author: Rkowhore79

Title: Alone

Pairing: Codiasi

Rating: NC-17

Word Count: 5,034

Disclaimer: I don’t own these boys or their characters. The only things that I own are my words. Although, I’m not quite sure I even want to lay claim to those right about now…

Summary: Cody is feeling isolated and alone after the draft, but is in for a nice surprise that might just turn that frown upside down;) Cody’s POV.

*Author’s Note: It’s been over a year since I’ve written a fic, or at least it feels like it, and this I wrote pretty quickly so please excuse any mistakes and/or suckiness. I’m just finding my way back into the writing groove, or at least I hope I am. Please don't hesitate to give me your honest opinions, either. I know it's pretty short and lacking in my usual details, angst, and what not but it's like my first time all over again and I'm starting from square one:)

ALONE

It’s over; it’s really over. He’s gone. He’s gone and I’m all alone. All alone in a strange environment and he’s fuck-ing gone. He’s left me to start over by myself, in a new place, surrounded by new people and different vibes, and fuck me I’ve never been lonelier. Although, technically I guess you could say that I’m the one who has left him; me being the one drafted and all. But it’s all just semantics, really. He still has Randy and Sheamus and I have no one. So for all intents and purposes, and in my mind, he has left me. I feel shut out; isolated and rejected, like that one kid in gym class that nobody wants on their team and who is forced to stand there, palms sweating, eyes darting to the left and right just waiting to hear his name being called. Sure, I hear the rumors and all of the fans talk about how this is going to be my chance to really shine, to really show the wrestling world what I can do, but I’m not buying it. Deep in my heart I know the truth:

I’ll never shine as bright by myself as I do when I am with him.

Whether I am by his side in the ring or cheering him on from the outside, my insides radiate a glow that could never be duplicated or fabricated without him. He is my energy source, my inspiration, and he gives me the power to do anything I set my mind to. He drives me to better myself, to push myself as hard as I can in the gym in order to develop the hard, taut muscles that he takes him time tracing every night. He makes me want to love this business as much as he does if only just to see him, to bathe myself in his presence, each and every day. Because he loves it, I love it.

I love him.

But now all of that has changed. It’s as if a huge thunderstorm has swept through my entire world and I am left standing in the desolate aftermath; alone. Alone with my thoughts, alone with my memories, alone with my tears. It’s only been a week and yet it feels as if years have passed, but passed painstakingly slow. I think about him every waking moment, and the thoughts of him that creep into my head while I slumber stay with me long after I wake; as foggy shadows lurking in the outskirts of my brain. Asleep or awake, he is on my mind and I wonder if I am on his or if he has forgotten all about me.

My mind wanders to countless silly nights spent knocking my action figures around. Shoot, he was wary to even start playing them with me; afraid that it’d ruin his reputation if it ever got out that he played with dolls; manly dolls, but dolls nonetheless. I tried explaining to him that it was all very serious and all very manly but he wasn’t buying it. I smiled, remembering his hesitation, the way his mouth scrunched up when I brought them out of my bag the first time and tossed them on the hotel room floor.

He had been sitting there in front of the TV, legs crossed, watching Family Guy and chuckling at the raunchy humor when my action figures scattered across the floor, a few of them landing in the hole his crossed legs made in front of him.

“What the hell, Codes?” he had exclaimed, picking up one small, green attired man. “Dolls?”

“Action figures,” I retorted. “GI Joes, to be precise.” My serious tone made him glance up at me.

“Just what are you trying to tell me, baby?” he asked. “That you want me to play dolls with you?” The humor in his voice was evident and the way his bottom lip turned up turned me on.

“Not dolls; Action. Figures,” I corrected once again, trying my best to look insulted and mad but knowing that I only came off as looking like a boy playing dress up in his dad’s clothes. He knew it, too.

“Awww, don’t be mad, Codes,” he pouted, his plump lips looking even fuller, if that was somehow possible. He turned one of the men around in his large palm. “Soooo,” he drawled, “Just what is it that you do with these things?”

My face broke out in a huge grin. “Watch. I’ll show you!” I plopped myself down on the floor beside him and grabbed half of the men. “This is my army,” I explained, pushing the other half over to him and lining mine up into two rows, “And those are yours.” My heart was pounding rapidly in my chest, so excited I was to show him how to play one of my favorite games.

“You ready?” I asked him.

“Ready for what?” he had replied, a look of confusion on his face.

“WAR!!!!” I screamed, crashing my front line of army men into his unprepared, defenseless ones.

**

“Cody!” a voice yelled, the sound shaking me out of my reverie. I looked up to see Dolph Ziggler’s bleached blonde head leering over me.

“Um, yeah, what’s up?” I replied, trying to shake the past from my head and to focus on the present.

“You okay, man?” Ziggler asked. “I called your name like three times. They’re waiting for you. Your entrance music started like 30 seconds ago.” He gave me a weird look and I tried my best to look normal.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied. “Just zoned out for a second there, I guess.”

“It’s cool, it’s cool,” the older man said, nodding his head slowly up and down. “As far as you know…..”

Now it was my turn to give him a weird look. What the hell was he talking about? As far as I knew…what? This was nothing like RAW. I missed my friends. I missed the feeling of a live show. I missed the excitement, the thrill of being on Monday. Night. RAW. But most of all I missed him.

I missed Teddy.

**

‘What a dead crowd,’ I mumbled to myself as I made my way back to the locker room. I felt defeated; as if every last ounce of me had been sucked away and left me with this empty shell of an existence. This was torture; this was the epitome of hell. There was nobody in the locker room to share a win with, nobody to exchange sexy glances with. There was…nobody. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that this wasn’t fair, that this was fucking horrible, but instead I kept my feelings to myself as I quickly showered and dried off. I was just pulling on my shoes when my phone went off.

I’d recognize that ring on my deathbed.

“Baby?!” I practically shouted into the phone, my heart practically bounding out of my chest and down the hall.

“Hey, Cody,” that sultry voice drawled across the phone lines, past my ear, and straight into my groin; awakening it fully. “How was your first night?”

My eyes immediately filled with tears and I wanted to blurt out right there and then to him how awful it was and how miserable I was, but instead I took a deep breath and mentally shook away my misery.

“It went really well,” I lied, my heart cracking into two uneven pieces. “The guys here are really nice and I’m fitting right in. My match was awkward at first, of course, since I wasn’t used to the way these guys wrestle, but I think I sold it.” I realized I was rambling and promptly shut my mouth.

“Wow, that’s great, Codes,” Teddy said, and I could tell he was nodding his head. I felt like a complete asshole for lying to him, but I didn’t want him to know just how much I was missing him; just how lost I was without him. I’d look pathetic; like a snotty nosed little kid who couldn’t even stay home by himself for two hours while his parents went out. Fuck that.

“Yeah, it was great,” I said with false cheer. “So what are you doing?” I asked, changing the subject. I toyed with a frayed string that was hanging off of my shirt, and sighed heavily to myself. We were in different states which meant that I was going home to an empty, lonely hotel room tonight; alone. ‘Better get used to it,’ I muttered to myself as Ted prattled on about how he and Sheamus were going out to some new bar tonight and how he wished that I could be there too.

“Yeah, right,” I said under my breath.

“What’s that, baby?” Ted asked.

“Nothing,” I sighed, my heart folding back in on itself. We chattered on for a few more minutes, I couldn’t even tell you what about, and then I made some excuse for having to go and pressed ‘END’ on my phone.

END. That pretty much signified what this was. The beginning of the END; or at least that’s how it felt to me. Teddy seemed to be just fine, no crack in his armor. I gritted my teeth and packed up the last of my stuff, ready to head “home” for the night. As cliché as it may sound, I felt as if I had lost my best friend. My spirit had been broken, my entire psyche had been pummeled; this was indeed Hell, and I didn’t know what I had done to deserve it.

**

I arrived at my hotel room at a little past eleven o’clock, much earlier than I was used to. This was crazy; this was just so… bad. I didn’t even know what this was, a word hadn’t even been invented yet to describe how terrible this was; I just knew that I hated it. I should be out with the RAW guys right now, having a good ‘ol time, partying it up at Hooters or some shit and then getting fucked senseless by Teddy back in the hotel room afterwards while half the roster listened through the walls and cheered us on. That’s the way it was supposed to be. But I had learned early on in my life that things didn’t always go according to plan; that life didn’t always work out the way you wanted it to and that things don’t usually go the way they are supposed to or how you expect them to.

Teddy and I were a prime example of that.

I swiped my key card and heaved a heavy sigh as the door to my room clicked open. I was ready to just tumble into bed and sleep for days. Weeks. Months even. Anything so that I wouldn’t have to experience this mind numbing loneliness that was currently taking over my mind, body, and soul. I hadn’t slept well for days and I was pretty much dead on my feet exhausted. But I didn’t get a chance to fall into bed because the first thing that I noticed when I stepped foot into my hotel room was that there were two candles lit; one on the table at the door way and one on the single night stand next to the double bed. I let my duffel bag drop to the floor as I made my way cautiously into the room.

“Hello?” I asked, my senses on high alert. “Who’s there?” I fumbled to turn on the light switch to the right of me on the wall and when I finally found it, a dim, yellow glow washed over the room. I let out a gasp as the scene in front of me slowly came into view. I thought I was dreaming and had to blink my eyes rapidly several times to bring what I was seeing into focus and to assure myself that I was indeed not dreaming.

Laid out before me on the bed that took up most of the room, was Teddy. My Teddy; laid out so perfectly, so God damn sexily, that it took all of my will power not to just run across the room and jump on him right then. Instead I just sucked in a deep breath of lust and bit my lower lip.

“Teddy?” I asked, my voice low and hesitant. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” his voice reverberated back to me.

I was still shaking my head, trying to clear the cobwebs. This had to be a dream; any minute now I was going to wake up and this was all going to have been one, big amazing wet dream because the man of my dreams was presently sprawled out in front of me; half sitting, half lying on my bed wearing nothing but a wicked smile.

“Cody,” he breathed, and my dick immediately sprung into action.

“Yes, baby?” I replied, just as breathlessly. He had taken every last breath from me; just the image of him lying there in all his naked glory would sustain me for months to come. I inched closer to the bed, the key card falling from my hand as I made my way over to him.

“I thought you were out with the guys tonight,” I whispered, still unable to believe that he was here, he was really….here. I just stood there, wide eyed, afraid to so much as blink because I feared that in that millisecond my eyes were closed he’d vanish, and I’d open them back up only to see an empty bed, an empty room, and I’d be alone once more; this time with an even emptier heart.

“Come on now,” Teddy drawled, his soft, seductive voice washing over me and settling around me like a warm blanket. “I couldn’t leave my boy all alone on his big debut night.” He smiled up at me, his eyes low and darkened. My hands were trembling, my entire body tight with the breath that I had yet to release, as I reached down with one quivering finger and traced the square pockets of abdominal muscles carved into his tanned stomach.

“I missed you so much,” I said with a small gasp as I struggled to choke down the tears that were threatening to spring forth. “It’s just…not the same here. Nothing is the same here and I’m so…I’m so alone.” My fingers quivered as I laid my entire palm against his stomach, slowly moving it up towards the left side of his chest. I wanted to feel his heart beat; I needed to feel the life pounding away inside of him to assure me that he was real; so that I wouldn’t feel so alone, that he was here with me and that he was here for me.

“You’re never truly alone, Codes, I’m always with you,” he smiled, sitting up slightly and covering my own heart with his large palm. “Right here.”

My skin prickled with goose bumps at his touch and my legs buckled slightly at his words. This man was so amazing; I don’t know how I got to be so lucky, I really didn’t. I shook my head back and forth in wonder and Teddy’s eyebrows raised slightly in question.

“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked softly, his smooth, warm hand making its way underneath the bottom of my shirt.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I smiled. “Nothing’s wrong at all, matter of fact, everything has never been more right.”

“Good, I’m glad. You know I’d do anything just to see you smile, Codes; anything at all.”

“Anything?” I laughed, wiggling my eyebrows up and down, breaking the somber mood. His hand had come to rest on the side of my torso and he gently pulled me down into a soft kiss.

“Anything,” he said again as our lips parted. I was left hovering over his body, bent at the waist, palms resting lightly on either side of him, my eyes searching his for any sign of deceit. I found nothing but adoration with a smattering of lust sprinkled in. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

“Come here, baby,” Teddy commanded in a stern, yet soft voice. His hands slid up my shirt on either side, pulling it up over my head before he tossed it to the floor and brought my face back down towards his. “Kiss me like you mean it.”

My night had gone from sad and depressing to hopeful and promising in mere minutes. This man made that happen. My man. My Teddy. Oh God, I was so happy right here, in this moment that I never wanted this feeling to disperse. I wanted to roll around in it, feel it seep into my skin like the most expensive of lotions, I wanted to soak it all up and make it last forever.

I could feel my dick pressing hard against the stiff material of my jeans as I tumbled onto the bed next to him. I couldn’t get enough of his taste, his smell, his very essence as my tongue found his and played with it mercilessly. My lips savored his as my mouth explored every inch of his face; kissing and sucking at his salty skin while he breathed heavily into my mouth, gasping for air as I assaulted his lips with mine. I brought my hands up to the sides of his head and smashed my lips down hard on his in one final, brutal kiss before breaking away and laying down on the bed next to him. My chest was heaving, my breathing erratic as I lay there with my eyes closed. I could feel him next to me; I could feel the heat radiating from his body as he struggled to catch his own breath.

“I said like you mean it, Code, not like you’re trying to suffocate me!” he gasped.

“What can I say,” I pouted, “You take my breath away.” I giggled self consciously at the clichéd response and Teddy swatted me on the arm.

“So that means you have to take mine?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much how it works,” I replied. “And you know what else you take of mine?” I winked at him.

“Sure do,” he winked back, “And I do believe I’m about to take it again right now.” He wriggled his way closer to me and looked me in the eyes. “Take off your pants.”

He leaned back; his body propped up by his left elbow, and nodded. “Now.”

I didn’t need to be told twice and I made quick work of my socks, shoes, and jeans, tossing it all to the floor.

“Cody, Cody, Cody,” Ted tsk tsked. “Where in the world is your underwear?” He laughed and I could feel my face start to warm. I looked down at my erect cock and shrugged.

“In my bag?” I shrugged again and bit down slightly on my lower lip, tilting my face to the side. I gave him my best coy look and batted my eyelashes, as I lay back down on my side.

“You’re such a whore,” Teddy chuckled, swatting my dick softly. I gasped and arched my back. “Oh, you like that?” he asked wickedly. “Does the little whore like it when I slap his dick around like this?” He gave it another tap, this time a little bit harder and I groaned in agreement. “Or maybe he likes it when I hurt it and then kiss it all better.” My eyes widened, the look in them encouraging him to do just that. This was most definitely a dream; Teddy never sucked me off. That was my job. Well, not to do it to myself, that would be impossible, but for me to go down on him. Damn and it wasn’t even my birthday. I shifted my body around on the bed so that I was sitting up slightly, my back propped up against the two pillows so that I was in a prime viewing position. I didn’t want to miss a second of this.

Teddy took his time with me. He started out massaging my calves, his strong hands kneading the tight muscle there, before making his way up to my quads. I let out a sigh of pleasure as his fingers released all of the tension that had built up in my legs. This was way better than the company masseuse. Teddy continued to massage, his hands working deep into the tissue, alternating between a light touch and a more forceful one. His palms glided up and down my smooth skin with ease, his fingers expertly working out every knot he came across.

“How’s that feel?” he whispered, bending down to kiss around my ankles while his hands continued kneading. The feel of his wet lips startled me and it took me a second to adjust from the warmth of his hands to the coolness of his mouth. I barely had time to react before his mouth was making its way up my leg to my outer thigh; his fingers still prodding and digging. I responded with a breathy sigh, words being out of my reach at the moment. “That good huh?” I could feel him smile against my skin and I nodded.

“That good, Teddy. That good.” My body was starting to quiver and the closer he came to my dick without actually touching it, the more it trembled. He was torturing me; his hands were expertly assaulting my body and his tongue was ravaging it even more. I felt lightheaded. He was so. Damn. Close. I felt my toes curl up as he made another pass with his tongue along the side of my inner thigh. God damn him. I wanted to reach down and grab it and just shove it in his mouth, but I restrained myself and let him continue his ministrations on my body instead. He’d get there, I just had to be patient; and I didn’t want it to be over in seconds anyway. I wanted to prolong the time I had with him tonight, I wanted to make it last for an eternity, or at least feel like it.

Teddy was enjoying this slow torture he was inflicting on not only my body, but my mind as well. I could sense it, and the way I felt his lips part into a smile every so often against my skin was further proof. Oh, he was going to get his. I’d get my revenge sooner or later because two could play at this game. But for now I’d just concentrate on the feel of his hands on my legs, the sexy smell of his cologne that invaded my nostrils, the warm wetness of his tongue on my-

“Oh God!” I cried out, my breathing shallow and erratic, as he abruptly engulfed my entire cock with his mouth without warning. My whole body tensed up as the first waves of pleasure coursed through it and my hands tangled up in the sheet; gripping it with white knuckles. It’d been so long since he’d gone down on me that so many feelings were racing through my body. Wet. Warm. Slippery. Moist. I needed a damn thesaurus just to describe them all. I suddenly realized that my eyes had snapped shut as soon as I had felt him take me into his mouth so I quickly opened them; I didn’t want to miss any of this. I wanted to savor every last touch of his mouth on my body, every last light rub of his hands across my thigh. I wanted it all. I wanted his every last everything.

The smell of his cologne was intoxicating, the aroma crisp and pure. It mixed with the heavy smell of his sweat and the light taste of his warm breath on my skin and created a heady mixture that invaded my senses, making me light headed and dizzy. My mind was racing and with every pass his tongue made up my shaft, I felt myself losing more and more control. I lost track of time; it was of no consequence to me. All that mattered was the here and now, and here I had this beautiful man committing these perverse acts on my body and now I couldn’t stop moaning and crying out in pleasure as his long fingers caressed my balls lightly while his mouth made trip after trip up my cock, taking me all the way down into his mouth and back up again. I felt him all over me, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he had grown six extra hands in the time that we had been apart. He was everywhere at once; kneading, and groping, and fondling, and sucking, and licking me to the point of sheer blissful exhaustion. I feared I was about to pass out, I really couldn’t take the immense pleasure anymore. My body had never been so tight and tense and yet so relaxed at the same time before. It was as if he had taken every last worry and pain, knot and cramp from my body with his hands and mouth, and made them his own because I now felt like nothing more than a wiggling mass of Jell-O.

He did this to me. He made me feel this good; and just when I thought I couldn’t feel any better, I felt him insert one slim finger into my hole at the exact moment his lips reached the tip of my cock. He suctioned it hard and fast and at the same time wiggled his finger up and into my body. That was all it took. A bright light exploded behind my eyelids and I screamed as I came, and came hard. It spewed forth, shooting out in long, ropy spurts and into his mouth. My body convulsed, the waves of my orgasm forcing his finger out of my body as my muscles contracted and pulsed with the force of my explosion. I gasped and panted, my head thrown back so far that it practically touched the bed underneath me and my back arched so damn high I thought it might break. The whole scene looked like something out of The Exorcist, minus the levitation and spewing forth of green stuff.

Because of course, mine was white.

I felt Teddy move to the side of me, I was so out of it I barely remembered he was there. I thought I had passed out for a minute there until I felt his warm body slide up against mine; until his moist lips pressed up against mine and I tasted my salty essence on his breath.

“Damn, Teddy,” I managed to pant, my heart beat wild and bouncing all over my chest. I realized that I still had the sheets in a death grip and so I let them go, at the same time letting out a long breath as my body started to relax and come down off of its orgasmic high.

He didn’t reply and so I opened my eyes a bit and peered at him through my heavy, lowered lids. I didn’t even have the strength to keep them open so drained was my body of every last ounce of energy it had previously possessed. I found him licking his lips and gazing at my face with a painful adoration that practically broke my heart.

“Teddy?” I spoke again, this time in question. “You okay?” I struggled to open my eyes fully; I felt like a newborn kitten opening its eyes for the very first time, and when I finally got them open the realization of what I saw there hit me. His widened eyes shone with a glaze of fresh tears and the look in them spoke volumes. I don’t know how I never saw it before; maybe it’s because I never really looked. But I was looking now and what I saw shocked me. It was written all over his face. Teddy loved me, maybe even more than I loved him. I had been so engulfed in my own misery, wallowing in it and only caring about my own pain that I had failed to see that he was hurting, too. Beneath Teddy’s tough guy exterior laid his own pain, his own insecurities, and his own misery.

Even his own loneliness.

I never even thought that he’d feel the same way that I did about being apart. We had never really talked about it and he had never really expressed his feelings one way or the other. Shit, he never really expressed any emotion, period. I was always the one to share how I was feeling with him, so for him to make such an effort like he did tonight and for me to see that glimmer of pain wash across his face meant more to me than anything in the world. Not the fact that he was hurting, that knowledge pained me to my very core, but the fact that he was capable of showing it, that’s what really mattered to me because that meant that I could help, that I could show him just how badly I hurt as well so he wouldn’t feel so isolated in the depths of his pain.

So he wouldn’t feel so alone.

There are some people that just shine so brightly from within that you know the world, your world, will never be a dark place as long as they are here to light it up.

He is my light. In the endless darkness of my loneliness, his love shines through and guides my way. With his love in my heart, I will never be alone again and this thought makes my lips part slightly and curve upward. He kissed them gently, so softly that I almost didn’t realize he was doing so as I drifted off into a peaceful slumber. A final thought crossed my mind right before I passed out completely:

“You know I’d do anything just to see you smile, Codes; anything at all.”

~Fin~