roseanne (original) (raw)

disneyclint @ 09:43 am: Favorite Roseanne quotes
Just some favorite quotes from some favorite episodes. I basically have them memorized:

From "The Dark Ages"

"I don't go to the mall like Becky, I don't do great laundry like Becky, I don't love school like Becky, and I don't sleep with my boyfriend like Becky!"
"So, what are you getting at, Becky?"

"Really? You can't."

"I am just trying to be nice, damn it!"

"Mom wants me to go on the pill because Becky had sex."
"I don't think that'll work."

"Well, we may not have any lights, but at least now we know the speed of stupid."

And I LOVE the expression on her face when she says to Dan, "We're screwed."

From "Mommy Nearest"

"What'd you invite her to Thanksgiving for?"

"Oh, Roseanne!"

"You can't leave your house."

"I want the check back."

From "Good Girls, Bad Girls"

"You're seventeen, you shouldn't have a meatloaf recipe. Go get something pierced."

"Stop right there, Ponyboy. You and the rest of your outsiders can go rumble somewhere else."

"Oh, man. I feel like I'm in the middle of a really bad after school special."

From "Two Down, One to Go"

"Was I home?"

"Socks go in the top drawer."
"Says who?"
"God!"

"Your hair is going out the door. You might want to follow it."

From "Party Politics", which is probably my favorite episode:

"You just told me."

"Actually, my plan was that you would come home and figure out my plan and then be all mad about it, and you fell for it."

"Don't look at Darlene!"

"This is a teakettle!"
"No, THIS is a teakettle!"
"THAT is a teaPOT!"

"Isn't that cute? DJ just closed his first drug deal."

"What's his problem?"
"I've seen it before. He's twelve, he's crabby...he's becoming a woman."

And of course the scene at the end when she walks DJ to school in that ridiculous outfit is hilarious beyond words.

I also just remembered a great one from "It's a Boy":

"WELL WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO PEOPLE ABOUT?!"