Section XIII (original) (raw)

[	mood	|	drained	]

I sit here and wonder about my life of love...

I've pretty much caught on that, dispite being led to believe that I was a guy of high interrest in her life, the girl that I've been talking to has moved on...and what sucks is that I wasn't given the memmo, I had to walk by her desk and see that sticky pad lying there.

It's just as well, I suppose, though...methinks that she wanted one thing, and I another, and neither of us were wanting that. I'm assuming a lot on her part, btw, because she has not come out in the open and said anything to me reguarding these matters...I'm basing my opinion on her manner towards me and her manner towards others as of late.

I'm getting tired of having my feelings shoved up my poop-shoot. I pour out a lot of myself to a person, and I usually get one of two things in return. I either;

a) get broken up with, because they moved on to the next male, or
b) break up with them, because the relationship was in a state of disrepair so bad that if it were a computer, not even the Geek Squad would touch it

I just want to put my feelings out there for someone and get the same in return. Blasphamy, I know, but I'm sure that there's someone out there that feels this way......even if they do happen to be from M83. I don't want to feel like I've put a lot of time and committment into something and not get anything back out of it......I guess I feel like I'm trying to raise a guarden, and I'm doing my part of making the tomatos grow, but Mother Nature decides that she'll kick back and watch me do all the work, thereby making the tomatos not turn out as well as they could have...I'm tired of having half-assed tomatos. I want to commit and grow a prize winning bunch of tomatos, and I feel that I'm the only one that would like that to happen, dispite what Mother Nature may say in her defense (insert Global Warming joke here).

I don't feel that I'm asking too much of the other parties involved, either. I only ask to recieve something comparable to what I give out. I can honestly say that one girl did do that, once, but then I feel prey to the dreaded option A that I mentioned earlier, but other than that, I really don't think that the others have tried as hard.

I suppose that I need to wait a while longer, though...I'm only 21...but, dag, I can't help but to feel slightly lonely when I come home at night with no one to really call and talk to and tell them about my misadventures at work, or have someone that I can come to when I feel that I'm at my wits end...

I suppose I'll also take a moment to state that I'm not a believer of the ever-so-popular "soul mate" theory. I honestly don't think that the Lord our God has it planned that you have no say as to what your partner is going to be like, what she lookes like, etc. If that were so, then I'd already have this done with w/ the first girl. The notion of a soul mate, to me, completely demolishes the free will that we're given to choose what we want to do for ourselves...if God wanted to pick our life partner, then He'd probably also just force us all to worship Him and cut to the chase...as we all know, that's not how He set things up, so yea...that's how I feel, lol.

I suppose I'll go and jump on World of Warcraft before I get to bed and complete a few quests......satisfying my thirst for pixilated blood is a good way of getting my mind off of such stressfull things...that, and wrestling, but that's not until a week or so from now, so sush you. Anyways, I'll catch you kiddies when I get that feeling in my feet again ;-) l8r

-Daniel "Pushing The Law Again" Benda