Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. (original) (raw)

For many on my flist, this end came much earlier, but I drew it out.

Tonight, I finally finished watching the end of Season 5 and, thus, the series finale of Stargate: Atlantis.

Big deal, some of you are thinking. It's just another television show.

But, see, to me ... it's not.

I may, or may not, go on to watch Stargate Universe. My understanding from others is that it has a different feel to it than the way Stargate: SG-1 and Stargate: Atlantis felt.

So, to me, this end allows me to reflect on things. The way these two shows, so interlinked, have affected my life over the years ... the way they've bookended various events in my life. Or just been there ... in the background, something to watch.

I remember first watching Daniel Jackson, curled up a king size bed, sortof squished to the side ... on our brand new PS2, complete with remote control to make DVD watching easier. Also in bed watching with me were Robert and two of Alanna's godparents. I was very pregnant.

I can remember the feeling of having walked away from SG-1 for awhile (after I'd caught up to live episodes) and coming back because Daniel was finally back. (Can you tell I'm a bit of a Daniel fangirl?) I remember sitting and watching that first episode where they found him, buck naked. Despite the fact that it was a Friday night and we had friends over, up from the Springs, everything in the apartment stopped so that we could sit and watch the episode, live.

I can remember the tears and heartbreak I had when I finally went back and filled in the episodes where he had died and feeling Jack's heartache watching Daniel's spirit ascend because they had failed to save his body from death.

I can remember balking at the very concept that I would enjoy the show when, once again, they changed it slightly letting Richard Dean Anderson take a behind the camera role and bringing on the character of Cameron Mitchell. And then, years later, falling head over heels for the character once he finally fit in with the group. (Vala, of course, helped more than a bit.)

I can remember telling Robert that Atlantis wouldn't be any good. And then, years after the fact, finally watching the series and EATING my words.

In my imagination I have traveled the galaxy and beyond. I would not trade the time I spent watching these shows. They have enriched my life. They have enriched the lives of people I have loved.

But it is time to let it go. Be a fond memory, be a series of fond memories.

The correlation to other things in my life that I must let go is not lost on me.

I face that challenge every day right now and I hope that I can find it within me to let go in all the ways I must and still hang on, with grace and endurance, to that which will continue to enrich my life.

One can only hope to bow out so gracefully.

Goodnight my friends, in Stargate land. Goodnight.

-Draconis Leona-