Shorties Advice Column (original) (raw)

YOU RELATED

1.) What do each of you look for in a guy you want to hook up with?

2.) What is the two wildest sexual fantasies that both of you have?

SEX RELATED

1.) I normally want sex more often than my wife does. What should I do?

2.) What new sexual position do you recommend?

SPORTS RELATED

1.) Who will win MLS Cup 2004? Why?

2.) Who will win the current Premier League race? Why?

BUSINESS RELATED

1.) What stock(s) do you recommend? Why?

2.) Is it safe to start pouring money back into agressive stock mutual funds?

PLANTING RELATED

1.) What perrenial, or bulb, would be a good one to plant amongst our crab apple trees?

2.) Our dogwood died a few years ago and, now, our redbud is dying in the same spot. What ornamental tree do you recommend we plant in its place? Or is that location cursed?

FOOD RELATED

1.) I want to cook a romantic meal for my wife. What do you recommend?

2.) Is it couth to include finger foods, like spare ribs, during a formal dinner?

LIQOUR RELATED

1.) What is the best mixed drink to make with rum?

2.) Is there a good merlot that you could recommend?

Thank you,
CIL

Dear CIL,

I'll try to answer all of your questions as specifically as I can...

Me related

1.) I like a guy who can make me feel like a sexy princess. He has to have an sense of humor, which means he can laugh at himself as well. It's a plus if he's a virgin, because I am. It's required that he smells good, because BO is a turnoff.

2.) I would love to have sex on a trampoline. Something about all those springs just really makes a tramploline seem like an excellent place. Another place I would like to have sex would be on the deck of a beach house. I don't really fantasize too much about multiple sex partners or positions other than missionary. I think my many years of gymnastics may pay off in bed. I'll admit, I wouldn't mind screwing Todd Dunivant, Jamil Walker, Ian Russell, Carlos Bocanegra, and/or Justin Timberlake.

Sex related

1.) I'm not much of a sex expert, but I know that putting your wife in the mood may help. Most women I know are a big fan of romance and foreplay. Women are different than men, in the sense that most of them like to be "prepared" for sex. It not only gives them a little extra lubrication when they are turned on, but it makes the actual sex a lot more fun emotionally. A more direct way to get more sex might be suggesting that she take one of those new presription libido enhancers. I don't know how well they work, or if there are any serious side effects, but it might just be something to try if romance and foreplay don't work.

2.) While looking around at Quizdiva.com I heard about "the cross" which is kinky, but still close. Check out the details at The Cross Position

Sports related

1.) It's hard for me to tell as of now who will win MLS Cup 2004. I'd like for the Quakes to win, but we'll see how that goes.

2.) I haven't been keeping up with Premier League, so I can't really answer any questions about that.

Business related

1.) I'm not an expert in the area of business, so I can't extactly recomment any stock(s).

2.) See above answer.

Planting related

1.) I haven't done a lot of planting in my past.

2.) Sounds to me like your area is cursed.

Food Related

1.) Is your wife a vegitarian? If so, I suggest you grill some vegtables such as red or yellow bell peppers, with zuccini and yellow squash. Toast some thick sliced french or sourdough bread. Spread a little herb mayo (1 tablespoon of mayonaise or nonfat plain yogurt with dried sage, oregano, and parsley to taste) on each slice of bread. Layer the vegtables onto the bread, and put sandwich halves in the broiler with a slice of your choice cheese on top. Once the cheese is melted, add the top slice of bread, and serve with angel hair pasta with butter and salt on top. A crisp wine goes well this this meal. The vegtables not only taste good, but will make your skin (and other things) taste sweeter in the activities to come after your romantic dinner.

If she craves meat (no pun intended) I suggest simple grilled skinless boneless chicken breast with some kind of vegtable or cheese stuffed ravioli. Top the ravioli with a white alfredo sauce, or butter. A red wine would probably be the best with this meal.

2.) Messy foods such as spare ribs are a no-no, unless you don't mind licking sauce off of each other. If you're going for traditional romance, I suggest finger foods such as caviar or herbed cheese spread on water crackers, or oysters.

Liquor related

1.) I haven't really mixed many drinks with rum, but I like rum and pepsi.

2.) I'm not a wine expert (I'm only 18) so I can't really suggest a good merlot.

Good luck!

Chrissi