you all stare but you'll never see there is something inside of me (original) (raw)
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[10 May 2005|12:09am]
[ **mood** | sad ] **( this song makes me cryCollapse )**I was told by an innocent little bird that someone special wanted me to listen to this because of how it makes him feel. I wish that special someone could just hold me, and make everything go away. Make the pain go away. I miss you :(
[ **mood** | blah ] I hate when people are sad.. :(----And I also hate school, as Dan and I have determined. We basically have decided that this is pointless, or at least our English class is. It's retarded; we do the most pointless stuff that could ever have been thought up. Ever.But I must be off..:Beautiful Disaster:.Brian, I love you alwayswho the hell knows how many days..
[ **mood** | sleepy ] Sorry to have to do that, but it has to be done..TO BE ADDED TO MY FRIENDS' LIST.: Leave a comment on this entry.: Wait for a reply as to whether or not you will be added
I just want you to know I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is you...---------Uhm yeah, Justine is about to call, I'll be back.
[ **mood** | sore ] Mors ?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?? brought to you by QuizillaWell, it's Mother's Day, and so far I have successfully managed to still be living in my house. So far, so good.I have to gain use of a scanner somewhere because I want to scan the pictures that Brian gave me last night. There's one of him when he was like 2 and it is the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Then there's 3 from when he was about 16, and one from 2 years ago. I have to find frames for these too.Well, I'm going to download some shit cause my music store on here is starting to look mighty pathetic. I'll write later if I can..:Beautiful Disaster:._I'll run away with you by my side.._I love you Brian
[ **mood** | indescribable ] ( Just another boring quiz about my boobsCollapse ) So yeah, school was really boring today. I wanted to like cry or something, Jesus. Lunch was wicked crowded and it was just blah. We have MCAS tomorrow and I have a feeling I'm going to fall asleep during it like I almost did the last time we had to write essays for MCAS. ::sigh:: God I hate this school.I've been thinking a lot lately that I want me and DJC to be exlusive. I know it'd be hard because of the distance and it's already hard as an open-relationship, but I really think I want that. He has his liscense already and soon enough I'll have mine so we should be able to see eachother a lot more now. And I don't know, it's just something that I want. I miss him so much though, it's not even funny. ::sigh::I feel like I've been drowning in my emotions lately. There are times that I want to break out crying for no apparent reason and then five minutes after that I want to start laughing due to another non-existant cause.I hate being all emotional like this. It sucks so much. ::sigh::Well, I'm going to go because I'm in the school's library right now and the whole reason I came down here was to do some homework, but, like always, I got a bit side-tracked. Leave some love<333.:Beautiful Disaster:.We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face, I need you, I breathe you, I can't go through this all again..
[ **mood** | depressed ] I'm so depressed right now and I don't even know why. I want to just curl up in a ball in my bed and cry myself to sleep. I hate this so much. I'm not sure I even know what's wrong with me anymore. Agh. I don't know. I feel like the entire world is crashing in on me and I'm getting buried alive in all of this. And on top of that I don't have much in the way of people to go to talk about it either, I have Justine L and Elise and that's about it. And that's even pushing it cause I feel wicked bad cause I feel like all I do anymore is complain. Ugh.Agh I hate people right now. I don't know why, but almost everyone is pissing me off right now. Like literally just about every single solitary person I know with very few exceptions. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do but I feel like I'm going to explode on someone in a matter of seconds, like I'm a fucking time bomb waiting to go off.Ugh. Whatever. I fucking give up.And I can't even win for losing. But what the fuck ever, apparently I can't. fuck me
[ **mood** | sad ] Is this because I can spell "confusion" with a "K," it's hard to like it, it's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it. It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car. But this time I'm alone and I don't see those stars, I'm not your star. Isn't that what you said, what you thought this song meant.If this is what it takes to lie in my mistakes and live with what I did to you and all the things I put you through. I always catch the clock, it's 11:11, and now you wanna talk. It's not hard to dream, you'll always be my Konstantine. He'll never hurt you like I do..This is to a girl who got into my head with all those pretty things she did, hey, baby you know that you keep me up in bed. It's to a girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things I did, hey maybe, baby, you can keep me up in bed, my Konstantine. Spin around me like a dream, we've played out on this movie screen, and I said "Did you know I've missed you?"God, I miss you..</3
[ **mood** | sleepy ] Been wayyy too long to write everything that's happened. A lot's gone on.-Nicky P = a negative-been chillen with Levyballs a lot-done some bad naughty stuff with Kris-consumed some beverages of the nature of illegality for my age-chilled with Squirrels, Bag of Slut, Levyballs, Kris and Joey P-smoked the jib-hung around with Jessi and Brittany-went to the mall and acquired a new stalker-semi-done a project on my cell phone in Spanish class-called Mexico-stabbed Levyballs with my bracelet on accident-made Michaela's birthday sign ((March 22, be there or be SQUARE!))-talked to Nick D :)-seen Keifers and not killed him-had Levyballs scared of Chris' and my bloodlust-watched The Crow-been bored-been grounded for coming in at exactly 1:16 amyeah. I'll try to find a time that I can update more. But I'm out. G'nite.Leave me lots of messages <33.:Beautiful Disaster:.
[ **mood** | sick ] I would slit your throat and fuck the wound..Half day. Went to Dunkie's for part of first period. Went to Justine's after school. Came home. Watched 5 1/2 hours of Sex and the City. Talked to Elise, Justine and Nicky P. And I got a new corset. Still sick. I have a wicked bad earache :( I think my eardrum is going to burst again. ::sigh::Goddamn I have so much make-up work. Oh well. I'll somehow try to get it done. Who friggan knows if I'll be successful or not, but I will try at the very least.When I get offline from using Ashley's screenname, I think I may go take a shower and go straight to bed for once. I've been really tired lately and I want to be all healthy and happy etc for the semi. When people will finally see me in a dress.... But anyway.. Oh yeah, I'll see what I can do about pictures for that as well ;)G'nite..:Beautiful Disaster:.You are wrong, fucked and overrated, I think I'm going to be sick and it's your fault..
sad ] **( this song makes me cryCollapse )**I was told by an innocent little bird that someone special wanted me to listen to this because of how it makes him feel. I wish that special someone could just hold me, and make everything go away. Make the pain go away. I miss you :(
blah ] I hate when people are sad.. :(----And I also hate school, as Dan and I have determined. We basically have decided that this is pointless, or at least our English class is. It's retarded; we do the most pointless stuff that could ever have been thought up. Ever.But I must be off..:Beautiful Disaster:.Brian, I love you alwayswho the hell knows how many days..
pissed off ] WANTED:Blue bag with clothes and paraphanelia inside. When found, please return to owner. Thank you.
sleepy ] 
Sorry to have to do that, but it has to be done..TO BE ADDED TO MY FRIENDS' LIST.: Leave a comment on this entry.: Wait for a reply as to whether or not you will be added
sore ] 
indescribable ] ( Just another boring quiz about my boobsCollapse ) So yeah, school was really boring today. I wanted to like cry or something, Jesus. Lunch was wicked crowded and it was just blah. We have MCAS tomorrow and I have a feeling I'm going to fall asleep during it like I almost did the last time we had to write essays for MCAS. ::sigh:: God I hate this school.I've been thinking a lot lately that I want me and DJC to be exlusive. I know it'd be hard because of the distance and it's already hard as an open-relationship, but I really think I want that. He has his liscense already and soon enough I'll have mine so we should be able to see eachother a lot more now. And I don't know, it's just something that I want. I miss him so much though, it's not even funny. ::sigh::I feel like I've been drowning in my emotions lately. There are times that I want to break out crying for no apparent reason and then five minutes after that I want to start laughing due to another non-existant cause.I hate being all emotional like this. It sucks so much. ::sigh::Well, I'm going to go because I'm in the school's library right now and the whole reason I came down here was to do some homework, but, like always, I got a bit side-tracked. Leave some love<333.:Beautiful Disaster:.We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face, I need you, I breathe you, I can't go through this all again..
depressed ] I'm so depressed right now and I don't even know why. I want to just curl up in a ball in my bed and cry myself to sleep. I hate this so much. I'm not sure I even know what's wrong with me anymore. Agh. I don't know. I feel like the entire world is crashing in on me and I'm getting buried alive in all of this. And on top of that I don't have much in the way of people to go to talk about it either, I have Justine L and Elise and that's about it. And that's even pushing it cause I feel wicked bad cause I feel like all I do anymore is complain. Ugh.Agh I hate people right now. I don't know why, but almost everyone is pissing me off right now. Like literally just about every single solitary person I know with very few exceptions. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do but I feel like I'm going to explode on someone in a matter of seconds, like I'm a fucking time bomb waiting to go off.Ugh. Whatever. I fucking give up.And I can't even win for losing. But what the fuck ever, apparently I can't. fuck me
sick ] I would slit your throat and fuck the wound..Half day. Went to Dunkie's for part of first period. Went to Justine's after school. Came home. Watched 5 1/2 hours of Sex and the City. Talked to Elise, Justine and Nicky P. And I got a new corset. Still sick. I have a wicked bad earache :( I think my eardrum is going to burst again. ::sigh::Goddamn I have so much make-up work. Oh well. I'll somehow try to get it done. Who friggan knows if I'll be successful or not, but I will try at the very least.When I get offline from using Ashley's screenname, I think I may go take a shower and go straight to bed for once. I've been really tired lately and I want to be all healthy and happy etc for the semi. When people will finally see me in a dress.... But anyway.. Oh yeah, I'll see what I can do about pictures for that as well ;)G'nite..:Beautiful Disaster:.You are wrong, fucked and overrated, I think I'm going to be sick and it's your fault..