ALL THINGS INTENSE's Journal (original) (raw)

11:24 am
[hellhounded]

SHE CUTS HERSELF WITH RAZORBLADES TO KILL THE PAIN
HE STAYS DRUNK TO STAY STRAIGHT
SHE WORKS HARD ON HER BACK TO STAY ON HER FEET
HE WRITES THINGS DOWN TO HELP HIM FORGET
EVERYWHERE I LOOK PEOPLE ARE DYING
TO STAY ALIVE

11:22 am
[hellhounded]

IF I WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT ONE MORE TIME
I LOOK AROUND
THE WALLS SURROUND
I KNOW RAGE
HE WAITS HERE WITH ME
HE SCREAMS INSIDE OF ME
HE CHOAKS ME FROM THE INSIDE
HE WANTS TO GET OUTSIDE
I KEEP HIM ON THE INSIDE
ME AND THE RAGE
ME AND MY
RAGE
I AM A KEPT MAN
COME TO CLOSE
COME TO CLOSE?
DONT!
COME TO CLOSE!
MUTHER FUCKER
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO JUST COME TO CLOSE

11:14 am
[hellhounded]

FAITHFULLY I WRITE AND WRITE UNTIL MY FINGERS CRACK AND BLEED
I TRY TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD
I CANT GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD
THERE ISNT ENOUGH ROOM FOR BOTH OF US IN THERE
SO I WANT TO LEAVE IT VACANT
UNNOCUPIED
AND ALL YOURS
I'M ALL YOURS

12:52 pm
[hellhounded]

YOU WIN,,,,I DONT KNOW A THING ABOUT YOUR PAIN,,,YOU TAKE THE CROWN OF THORNS,,,ITS YOURS,,,I DONT KNOW A THING ABOUT YOU,,,I KNOW I SPEND NIGHTS ON END SCREAMING INSIDE MYSELF FOR SOMETHING TO SOOTHE THE PAIN,,,I KNOW I WANT TO BE ACCEPTED SO BAD SOMETIMES BY OTHER PEOPLE THAT I SAY AND DO THINGS THAT I DONT MEAN,,,I KNOW THAT I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE UGLY,,UGLY,,,UGLY,,I KNOW I SPEND HOURS ON END SOMETIMES TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I'M NOT,,,I KNOW SOMETIMES I LIE TO MYSELF AND TELL MYSELF THAT I DONT NEED OTHER PEOPLE,,,I KNOW SOMETIMES I CAN BARELY OPEN MY MOUTH TO SPEAK BECAUSE I AM PARALYZED WITH FEAR,,,I KNOW SOMETIMES I DONT GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE TO SHOW ME ANYTHING AT ALL BECAUSE ALL THEY HAVE SHOWN ME IN THE PAST IS PAIN,,,I KNOW SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IM GOOD FOR NOTHING AT ALL,,,AND LIKE NOONE COULD REALLY LOVE ME THE WAY I AM,,,I FEEL LIKE A FREAK MOST OF THE TIME,,,THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME SOMETIMES MAKES ME FEEL SO ASHAMED AND UGLY AND SO DAMN UNREAL,,,SOMETIMES I THINK I WAS THE REASON THAT THEY GOT DIVORCED,,,THAT HE LEFT,,,THAT SHE TOOK IT OUT ON ME WITH HER HANDS,,,,SOMETIMES I JUST THINK THAT THIS PLACE CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME,,,,BUT I DONT KNOW A THING ABOUT YO