stolenword (original) (raw)

goodness

at October 11th, 2009 (07:41 pm)

There is no better detergent than the constant erosion of standards.

If you’re a white gentlemen over 30 in Florida, you’re GONNA be wearing a camouflage baseball cap. You just are.

You feel sort of special when you think you’re the sole witness to some sign of the apocalypse.

The interview continues at a Cuban restaurant nearby. I get some fried plantains, because they're the best food, and if anyone says differently, ask them how they feel about joy. I guarantee you they'll say, "Joy? Not a fan."

pierce pierce pierce brosnannananananan

at September 18th, 2009 (12:39 am)

Also: there is no hangover like a New Year's Day hangover. This hangover has an address and a social security card. My children attend school with the children of this hangover. This hangover has a column in our local paper where it dispenses charming homespun anecdotes and expresses frustration with modern technology.

...

This is sad. More choice means more dead, unexplored universes. It's wasteful of infinite space.

...

I'm sure there's a special hell for people who take a really long time to answer their grandmother's e-mails.

...

The other day I overheard two different people say the words "two saxophonists" in two completely different contexts. Maybe there are things we know are in the zeitgeist, like Hannah Montana and "LOST," and maybe there are also weird bits of detritus that are secretly on everybody's mind and there's no good reason for them to be there, like maybe one day for no reason we all think about our first babysitter and wonder what she's doing at that moment, and it turns out what she's doing at that moment is riding the subway and saying to her friend next to her, "It says everything about my uncle that his funeral featured two saxophonists."

...

It was only a secret because it was a thing no one would need or want to know. But a secret is a secret when you're a well-protected, well-fed kid being raised in a warm, bright environment.

...

http://www.dcpierson.com/archives/000978.html

...

Today was an impossibly beautiful day. Good, warm weather makes food taste better, makes music sound better, and makes you be like "fuck it, I'm gonna walk around." So I did! My jacket stayed in my backpack the entire day. It was righteous.

...

I don't remember a whole lot from my childhood but what I do remember is what shirts people wore repeatedly.

...

Also: girls, you guys will always look smokin' in a big oversized green surplus army jacket. You just will. Pull the sleeves down over your hands, bring said hands up to your face, allude to being complicated, and get ready for me to chase you around for an entire semester.

...

I did my taxes today on my laptop at the library. I recommend it. You can look around at the library and go "I guess it's okay if there are more of these," and pretend semi-successfully it's the only place the money's going.

darn cold

at September 17th, 2009 (11:27 pm)

As an adult, it seems like you are discouraged from wearing a garment so big you can tent up your entire body inside of it while drinking a glass of milk and treating every minute of TV you get to watch as sacred, no matter what's actually on, before somebody spots you and says, "bedtime."

pierson pierson pierson

at September 17th, 2009 (10:18 pm)

Yuri had told me my second day of work that "there is a subway exit that comes right up into the building, so you never have to see the sun" on your way into the job. He was really excited about it and eager to share this fact with me. I guess he was the kind of guy who's excited about stuff that's crushingly depressing.

...

You guys, I'm psyched. I may start wearing argyle sweaters and conservative spectacles and pouring water into a clear glass from a clear glass pitcher and drinking deeply from it before saying, "Well, the thing people forget about Faulkner is..." But mostly I'll probably keep writing strange shit about girls, burgers, and sentient penises from beyond the stars.

DC Pierson

at September 17th, 2009 (09:42 pm)

On the plane, the guy next to me has loafers and printed-out pages covered in Sudoku puzzles. He crosses himself as the plane takes off. A few minutes later, he crosses himself again, a smaller cross this time.

...

We get seated at the movies. A group of friends comes and sits right next to us, and the guy immediately next to me says, about a guy who isn’t there yet, “I want to sit with (friend), I want to make funny comments with him.” I don’t want to say anything in response to this, so I try to get my body to emit a pheromone to chemically communicate to this guy that he and his friend should kindly shuddup.

sometimes I dream

at July 8th, 2009 (09:38 pm)

sometimes I dream I'm a fisherman to capture a white whale so it will become my friend we sail at sea together, and will never part

Yo Teach...!: "Funny People" reaches its internet audience

at May 30th, 2009 (11:14 am)

"Funny People's" show-inside-a-show "Yo Teach...!" has its own NBC website, and clips up on youtube.

from The Playlist:

Alright, to recap, Judd Apatow's upcoming dramedy, "Funny People," stars Adam Sandler as a dying comedian coming to terms with life and death and Seth Rogen as a struggling comic trying to help him out. One of Rogen's character's friends, a more minor character in the film, is played by Jason Schwartzman (he's also writing the music for the film), who is a self-obsessed NBC TV star on a sitcom called, "Yo Teach" (it even has its own fake NBC site, thanks to Vulture who noticed; Photos of which also reveal that "Undeclared" star Carla Gallo — who has also had smaller roles in Apatow projects, "Superbad," Forgetting Sarah Marshall," "The 40 Year Old Virgin," etc. — has a role on "Yo Teach," errr... in "Funny People" too.

"[The fictional show] fits in somewhere between 'Dangerous Minds' and 'The Cable Guy,' " Schwartzman told ComingSoon last month, describing his character's show. "I'm a teacher. I teach some kids that have been written off by society, but my heart is too big to let that happen. I want to make sure they're loved and treated like humans and get an education along the way."

( Rushmore: the Next Generation Collapse )

sources: youtube, firstshowing.net, the playlist, the NBC site

this is a blog-post by Wade Randolf.

at May 11th, 2009 (12:05 am)

Is what I wish I could type in my phone then hit “send” to tens of people around me. But I don’t. Because 99% are asleep, 1% are busy and 100% would call me an alcoholic. Can’t I have a 24 oz. Steel Reserve at work and come home and enjoy your fucking conversation while I drink your alcohol without you looking down your God damned nose at me?

I’m boozeless. I have this little shot bottle of “Vilmos.” It’s Hungarian. My buddy gave it to me, he’s one generation removed and got it on a trip there with his family. I’ve lived in Los Angeles for nearly eight years and that amount of time is not lost on me. I’ve got a fucking Ph.D in jealousy.

At some point during these eight years I worked with a guy named Thomas who gave me a bottle of Vilmos. I should have drank it by now… for some reason I thought that I was supposed to keep it around as like, I don’t know, a trinket. Tonight I realized that’s fucking retarded and opened it up.

It reminds me of once in college I made a six-pack of beer bet with a guy and lost. When I showed up at his house to give him his winnings, he graciously handed me one of the six bottles. Not understanding anything, because apparently I’m the dumbest person who’s ever lived, I took it, didn’t open it, drove home and put it in my fridge. Any real person knows that in that situation, you open the beer and “have one” with the winner to validate that you’re both good sports. Who knew.

So anyway. I just opened this little bottle of Vilmos. It smelled like whiskey, then scotch, then I looked up online what it is because we live in 2009 and nothing is a fucking guessing game anymore. Fucking shit. FUTURE. Welcome to it! We can fucking find out anything we want in about ten seconds. Also, we’re all petty assholes who can anonymously say whatever the fuck we want below other peoples’ uploaded videos!

What was I saying… oh, so turns out it’s Pear Brandy. Yeah mother fucker. Deal with that shit Lil’ Weezy. I’m fucking way out classing you. You’re not any tha’, til you sippin’ on P-Brande’.

Eight Years. Eight years. eight years. eight years. Fuck. Good luck. Listen. Here’s the thing. I’m upset because I have the most talented friends in the world. And that’s a really stupid thing to be upset about.

henry wallingsford

at May 10th, 2009 (09:10 pm)

we share words
all this energy and nowhere to go

portroids

at March 29th, 2009 (04:16 pm)

But you know what they say, "Any press is good press, unless it's about alleged rape or child molestation charges. Then it's the family that suffers."

Christopher Ford and Wholphin

at February 1st, 2009 (07:30 pm)

Who are your favorite heroes?

CF: Favorite heroes? You mean characters or personal heroes? House M.D. and Charlie Kaufman.

The Narrow Scope of Experience by Michael Blieden

at January 13th, 2009 (07:30 pm)

I was walking by a used book store today and there was some novel from the 60's on display in the window. I don't even know who it was. But the book looked heavy and inviting. I wanted to buy it and sit in a McDonalds for 3 hours like I did when I was in college finishing "Misery." But then I remembered the stack of unread books at home, one of which is Robert Caro's 1000 plus page biography of Robert Moses, and I realized that I would never read this alluring used book in the window of the bookstore. And it saddened me to think of all the things I'll miss in my short lifetime. I won't live to see every Cassavetes film twice, or learn Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Russian, and Arabic, or upload my consciousness into an android body and travel the galaxy immune from the effects of space radiation.

I would have liked to do all those things.

urbandictionary.com

at September 27th, 2008 (11:40 am)

"when I fingered her g spot, she moaned like a wildebeest"

Guide by Dennis Cooper

at September 20th, 2008 (11:11 am)
current location: 4

"Luke, you're too metaphysical for words." Scott smiled... sarcastically?