It's My Life. For Real. (original) (raw)

Me: - Hey mom,

Mom - Hey What's Up?

Me: - I just wanted to let you know that I got the job offer.

Thinking to myself *(And all though I have been freaking excited for the last week and a half, I havent slept good, I even had dreams about it, have had my phone in my hand all day everyday, and wanted this more than anything I have wanted in a long time, )

Me: -I turned it down becuase I am worth more money than they offered me.

Mom: -Well Good. So you want to come over on Sunday? How is One Oclock?

My heart sank. I mean I am sad about this, disappointed, let down, mis lead, hurt even and she says "Well Good." In an upbeat tone I might add.

MOM . Do you have any clue how bad I wanted this? I mean of course you do, I freaking told you. and you say well good. It is not well good. Thanks for your freaking support. I will be sure to come over on Sunday and sit in your house and give you all the support you need. I will listen to your stories about work and Galveston and pretend that I am really interested and be the loving daughter that you want me to be

When inside, I still feel the sting of your words. Well Good.

When really I am thinking... Support me. Who will support me? When you get older, you start supporting them. your parents. You are suppose to have a partner to support you when you are older. I dont have one. I have some friends, who are great, but who are all supporting a partner so they dont really have the time nor the desire to support someone else.

Well Good. Not it is not FREAKING GOOD MOM! I wanted this, I wanted this experience. I wanted to get away, to grow, to learn, to be pushed to my limits, it is not good.

But all is well that ends well right... So I will keep looking for jobs in Austin. I will try again. It just hurts. It is a painful realization that my parents are not what I want them to be. What I thought them to be. How can they be so disconnected from what I wanted. Well Good. NO NO NO NO!

How about Im sorry honey. You can keep looking. This is just one of many jobs. Bla Bla anything that would reflect that you are thinking of my feelings NOT YOURS.

But no. And that is ok. I am the master of thinking of everyone else's feelings anyways. Guess that's why the sting is harder when I deal with my own.