Taco Bell Cult's Journal (original) (raw)

God & Satan
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
Cream
and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it,
add
some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
figure
that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from
the
wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went
from
size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive
oil
in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man
gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
Cake,"
and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named
it
"Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might
lose
Those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control
so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained
pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained
pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories
and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its
99-cent
double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And
Man
replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."
And
Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day .
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
than
on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
a
large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.