Wanderings of the Takai no Tenshi (original) (raw)

[	Today, I'm Feeling	|	contemplative	]
[	Eulogy of the Day	|	"Always Be My Baby"	]

And I think this is the update everyone's been wanting to read since my post on the 14th, lol...

Here's the last one.

Well, Jacob and I have had a quite a few enlightening talks this past week...

He still loves me, and as I'm sure every last soul in the U.S. (and parts of Canada now thanks to RPing on Facebook lol) knows I am still in love with him.

We're not back together though, no. At least well...okay, to put it simply, it's complicated.

There's not another way to describe it. We both love each other, we don't want the other person to date, are not seeing anyone, flirt with each other, go out of our way some times to talk or cyberly hang out with each other. Thus, our talk the other night.

I wanted to know how far his love for me went and what he wanted...and he actually answered pretty much the way I was hoping he would.

Remember when I said I knew where I was moving?... Well, I have decided that after next Labor Day, I will be moving to Tulsa.

Despite what probably a lot of you are thinking right now, it wasn't solely based on Jacob. I'd be stupid and lying if I said he wasn't a factor, because he is, but there were many other things I took into account first before even mentioning this to anyone...

Oklahoma University (OU) has a very good law program, and they are a cheaper school. In fact, I might be able to attend part-time at OU without having to get a scholarship. But, even more, OU is well-known for helping out its students financially (which is a big added bonus). Also, the apartments in Tulsa are actually liveable. I could actually get a one-bedroom apartment and realistically afford it.

But back to the "romacne" part of this update. Jacob and I have decided to give it another try once I move over there. However, as of right now, no, we are not officially together, and though this may surprise some people, I'm actually fine with that.

As I stated earlier, I need to learn how to love myself. I can't be happy in a relationship if I can't be happy with myself first. This needs to be fixed before I step into a relationship again. So, I need time to figure out everything I have to do to get to that point, as well as plan out my other goals.

I know to a lot of people, this is probably strange, and I'm sure I'll probably catch hell for this, but I'm happy with this. This is enough for me...for now.

Yes, I know Jacob has hurt me a lot in the past, and yes, we have broken up a few times (three to be exact). I know most are not going to understand this, and I accept that. I just pray that they will resepct my decision, even if they don't agree with it.

Maybe I can't explain it to others, but I was able to explain it to Jacob, and he seems happy with it as well. I know others are going to think I'm crazy for doing this, but...I truly love him.

Yes, I've said it. I'm in love with Jacob Daniel Gregorovic--I have for six years. For the first three years, I've tried to ignore what I felt for him or forget about him, and you know what? It's never happened. Every time I thought we were through or he was out of my life, God always brought us back together. Even when I was with other men, I couldn't stop thinking about him, I couldn't help but wonder how he was and miss him.

I know he is my soul mate, and yes, while I may be nervous a little about this move still (since it is a big risk and change), I also know that if I don't do this, I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

So, to everyone reading this, yes, I am happy with the way things are for right now. Do I want them to change? In the future, when I'm ready, yes, I do, and I really do believe that they will change. I know everyone's not going to be happy with this, but I do ask still for my friends and loved ones to give me your blessing please. This is what I want, and I am happy, so please try and be happy for me as well.

Thank you.