| 2:05 pm - NEW LIVEJOURNAL |
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| Thursday, August 18th, 2005 |
| 11:15 pm |
| i will soon be abandoning this lj account for another and i want to make the other one prettier than this one. but i need help. is there anyone out there on my fl who will help me? i know a small amount of html, but thats it. the sections in the faq just confuse me. i will love you forever....c'mon...please?current mood: begging (3 comments | comment on this) |
| 11:11 pm |
for those who want to/ care to know...i am in pa until august 29th. my time here will be full of all sorts of fun things including, hopefully, seeing you.current mood:  tired (4 comments | comment on this) |
| Thursday, July 21st, 2005 |
| 1:19 am |
im not writing here right now. i bought a paper journal and am filling it with all my junk. then i think i will burn it. some things:im sorry scotty died.i am still not smoking. this is my third week. the amazing thing is that i really dont want one. i still really think that i am socially retarded. this is evidenced by my failure to communicate with just about everyone.i really want a beer right now.just started watching six feet under.im always late with this kind of stuff so i have many many seasons to catch up on i guess. i hear its ending this year?why is everyone i know getting married or engaged or something? not that i begrudge them their happiness, i think its lovely if you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. oh never mind.being manic is really screwing with me.i will still be reading. and commenting.and eventually i will want my lj again.current mood:  exhausted (3 comments | comment on this) |
| Monday, July 11th, 2005 |
| 6:09 pm |
| i went to northampton, ma this weekend to visit kara. what a whirlwindy visit. saturday night we went for indian, and saw erin mckewon play at a local bar, then did a little walking on main street enjoying the wonderful summer night. when we went back to karas place i henna'd her palm for her in all kinds of funky designs. it turned out really well. sunday morning we got up, grabbed some bagels and took off for magic wings, which was a very soothing start to the day. we also went to the peace pagota. what place! if you are ever in that neck of the woods, take the extra couple hours to see it. after getting cold drinks, doing some light shopping back in northampton we were starved so we had lunch where i had the best hummus ive ever had on a gorgeous antipasta plate. i left around five and got home around seven, and fell into bed by 10:30.and i slept till 12 noon today! the heat took alot out of me this weekend, but i had a great time anyway. i always really enjoy hanging out with kara.today i met a new victim that answered my ad. this time, a man named john. we met at borders for coffee/tea because we both live around here and not in providence to go to a nice coffee/ tea house so borders was closest. i got to speak to him a bit on the phone before meeting him and that made me feel more comfortable meeting him in person. he is pretty charming and nice. hes also funny which is a key quality, to me, to look for in a friend. its a little early to tell, but i am feeling more optimistic about this guy than the last few girls i met. they are nice, but conversations are so hard with them. with this guy who i just met, conversation just flows. felt good. (4 comments | comment on this) |
| Thursday, July 7th, 2005 |
| 11:37 pm - day two. |
| no cigarette today. and i wanted one more than a few times. oh, did i ever. i chewed through an entire pack of wrigley's. the big pack. (1 comment | comment on this) |
| Wednesday, July 6th, 2005 |
| 6:14 pm |
today is the day i quit smoking. well, i did have a half of one this am, but then i threw it out. ive been wearing the patch ever since then.current mood:  anxious (8 comments | comment on this) |
| Monday, July 4th, 2005 |
| 1:53 pm |
after 20 years, give or take a few, no thought really ever crossed my mind that i wouldn't be able to ride a bicycle anymore. i truely thought you never forgot something like that, just like they say. and you probably don't, its just that you learn fear of falling, or, fear of humiliation, or pain. i tried really really hard. i did. i had three wipe outs. thank god we were on the grass. like good friends they patiently tried to teach me, but my jim and mari just couldn't. when i hurt myself pretty badly in the last one i had had enough.we went to point judith yesterday and took the high speed ferry to block island where we rented bikes and the lessons began. but obviously, that didnt work out too well, so we decided to take the bikes back and hoof it. it was a beautiful day and we had a good time, but it was a long day. the island itself isnt that big, but the sun and all the walking really tired us out. by the ferry ride home we were ready to call it a day. highlights of the day: scenic ocean looks,ferry ride, talk with my cousin, perfect frozen drinks and dollar beers.saturday we spent in providence, because you have to see providence when you come to rhode island. its like a toy city. then we had wonderful pizza with chris's parents and came home to hang out and drink. so we had a nice day saturday too. it was good to laugh so much with someone i have so much shared history with. we kind of came from the same place in life. and mari, i adore her. she is funny, smart, sarcastic, and up front. now its 4th of july and they left a little while ago. now the apartment is quiet.and i already miss them.current mood:  good (comment on this) |
| Friday, July 1st, 2005 |
| 11:25 pm - the waiting game |
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| Wednesday, June 29th, 2005 |
| 3:25 am |
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| Tuesday, June 28th, 2005 |
| 12:07 pm |
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| Tuesday, June 21st, 2005 |
| 9:57 am |
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| Saturday, June 18th, 2005 |
| 9:20 pm |
| you know when you're at a party and you are talking to someone and they start making little rude comments or jokes about you and then they say "i'm just kidding around with ya". and you dont want to be all paranoid and over sensitive so you think ok, this person is just kidding. then they do it over and over and over again?yeah, i had that experience tonight. so i switched groups of people i was talking to.socially speaking i did well tonight at nina and donna's party. i was able to interact and laugh and feel ok around all those people. that gave me a huge inner sigh of relief. (1 comment | comment on this) |
| 11:29 am |
| when i asked my godson, who will be 15 this year, what he wanted for his birthday, he responded, "to spend some time with you."my heart melted right then and landed on the floor.current mood: loved (2 comments | comment on this) |
| 11:20 am |
i have trouble summarizing my life into little journal entries. i think thats my whole issue right now with live journal, this inability to distill the pertinent, or funny into an entry. i have a problem with the details since i am so unfocused. its almost as if i get impatient with myself having to recall these things. it happens in my conversations as well.strange, i know.im trying to overcome it, because i so do enjoy writing, and i would hate to add it to the ever growing list of things i can no longer stand to do.current mood:  frustrated (comment on this) |
| Friday, June 17th, 2005 |
| 10:14 pm |
| i just filled out my application for the cat caretaker volunteer program and put it in the mail!current mood: accomplished (comment on this) |
| Monday, June 13th, 2005 |
| 8:08 pm |
| the cat caretaker volunteer place emailed me back and are sending me an application to fill out. this is the one i am going for i think, depending on what the hour requirements are. its so close to home and its doing something i love and have missed (since chris is allergic) and may help me work off some kitty karma from eddie. keep your fingers crossed that it works out for me.today is lonely.my mom is doing much better. thanks to all who emailed their wishes and such to me, i really appriciate it!i am meeting with another woman who answered my ad on friday night for dinner at my favorite sushi place. looking forward to a new friend and a good meal.im growing bored of lj. may be its time to go back to paper journals for awhile. (comment on this) |
| Thursday, June 9th, 2005 |
| 2:13 pm |
| yesterday was my first visit with my therapist after her return from maternity leave. and it was a good session. i always feel good when goals are set and i know where my focus needs to be directed.we spoke about my persistant empty feeling, how i feel my inner life and outer life are both lacking in some very big ways, and what i can do about it.first and foremost i have to get myself out of this apartment more. i am an extrovert and gain momentum by being around other people. so as of last night i started my search and research on volunteer opportunities. i found several that i am interested in:1. call center for a crisis hotline2. co-facilitator for a grief support meeting3. cat care taker for the local humane society trying to adopt out cats from a petsmart.4. mystic aquarium (though this is 1 hour away from me)so far i have heard back from the crisis hotline and downloaded an application for them and for mystic aquarium.i see now that i need to be more proactive in things and i am rather dissapointed in myself that i let things get to the level that they are. especailly when i used to have such a rich fullfilling life. but i cant let that stop me. i have to move beyond that dissapointment and try again.i want to have things to bring to the table again.in other news i am officially going to try to quit smoking as of the 17th of this month with the help of a free program offered in my state funded by the tobacco settlement money. i will go on a tobacco relacement therapy program, otherwise known as the patch. truth be told i am ready to finally put down this crippleing dependency once and for all not only for my health, allthough thats the main motivator, but for my pocketbook as well.my mom left on monday morning and i already miss her. she came down with shingles while she was here and was in too much pain to stay. my poor mother cannot seem to get a break this year with her health. it makes me worried for her. but at least we did have a good time while she was feeling ok. we packed a lot into our two week visit...whale watching, aquarium, beaches, movies, gardening, etc. so it was good. please keep my mom in your thoughts though for a speedy recovery. shingles is a very painful thing to have.i just got word that my cousin and his fiance mari are coming for a visit! they will come july 4th weekend. i am really really looking forward to having them here and showing them around my turf. hopefully chris wont have to work the entire time.so thats the story right now kids. im sure theres more but its like a million degrees in this office right now and im tired of sweating over a keyboard.ciao.current mood: hot (comment on this) |
| Friday, June 3rd, 2005 |
| 8:51 pm |
| i saw two whales and a whole lotta dolphin yesterday on my whale watch. oh, and i also got a face full of sunburn. ouchy.today we went to mystic aquarium which was just so much fun. saw whales again up close and personal, fur seals, jelly fish, sting ray, sea otters, and lotsa different fishies.i am really tired tonight. i think all this tourist stuff is catching up with me. (1 comment | comment on this) |
| Wednesday, June 1st, 2005 |
| 11:28 pm |
| after 10 years of not going to the dentist because of lack of insurance, i finally had my first appointment with the hygeinist today. man, my gums hurt from the cavometer or whatever that water picky thing is called. in fact, its put me in quite a soury mood. not sour enough to not end all words in "y" though.my moms here with us for the week and tomorrow as i mentioned earlier, we are going whale watching. its something we have both wanted to do for awhile and are really looking forward to. i'll let you know if we see any whales. i think friday we are heading out to the mystic aquarium for a few hours, and that should be a fun trip as well. then there is the beach may be on saturday if the weather is nice, some visiting on sunday with chris's parents, and who knows what on monday. she leaves either monday or tuesday.i have that doctors appointment on tuesday with the SSDI doc. i am not looking forward to it at all, but i guess at this point i am resigned to the fact that i have to play the game and do what they say. but its very frustrating. (comment on this) |