I've been naughty, professor.... (original) (raw)

| I've been naughty, professor.... > recent entries > calendar > friends > profile | Saturday, April 16th, 2005 9:50 pm Your Erotic Dice Are: Amazing Erotic Dice Generator**More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva**How you say, "I love you." by stranger_in_paradiseYour nameYour loveType of relationshipThe way to say itHey, good looking...Quiz created with MemeGen! Act out Saturday, October 9th, 2004 10:02 pm - Sunday, December 7, 1997 - Private Journal entry I don't know what to do.I screwed... everything up, really, and I mean, Remus was so... he practically ran from me, we haven't talked in the halls, he hasn't been at meals all weekend, he just is... it's like when he taught in third year, like I'm nothing more than an ordinary student he doesn't think of much except when I screw up.That's probably all I am.But then... he smiled at me.It's such a stupid little girl thing to get so... I dunno about, but he just... it was so warm and... fond. Like I was something... special to him. And I haven't been talking much in class since... it happened, sitting in the back again, so it can't have been that. Hermione just tutted and thought I'd reverted to my former lazy ways but... It's been so damn hard. I have class with him every day, some days twice 'cause of NEWT DADA and other DADA, and it's just... so hard.No pun intended.Well....He's so fucking gorgeous, and... what's scary? Is... I mean there's more. It feels like more.This... can't go on. If nothing else, I have to know where I fucking stand because that smile was so impossibly gentle, kind, sweet just... everything.But he fucking practically ran away from me.... I don't know what I did wrong oh god I'd change it if I could.But I wouldn't take back kissing him.I'm going to go talk to him tomorrow, I can't not. I just... can't do this anymore. It's too hard looking at him and pretending that there isn't this giant fucking pink dragon sitting in class with us.I miss him.Even just talking to him after class, smiling and chatting a bit when we pass by each other in the hall... I miss that so much.I have to talk to him...current mood: frustrated at myself, mostly Act out Monday, September 13th, 2004 10:48 pm - Tuesday, December 2, late evening. Very Private. This Means You Color me miserable confused. Things were... bad. I went to talk to Remus and... christ, Pettigrew was his... his lover. They were together. I want to break that rat into pieces for a whole new reason now.And then we kissed.No. I kissed him.And... he said it was okay and that I should do it again but then... he ran.Guess I wasn't what he was hoping for he changed his mind.He fucking ran he couldn't stand to be close to me that much.And I want him.Not just the sex, I mean, god I want sex stuff with him, but...I want more.And as I learned every damn day of my life... wanting's not getting.It's just some stupid kid crush, it should go away, right...but it didn't go away when I first... I mean it's been... too long for me to really expect that...Which is fuckin pathetic. I mean, I never expected I'd get anything at all from him aside from maybe we could be friends like we were starting to be, but... now... it's like... I've had a taste of him. And all I can think is that... this is what I wanted, and then I got it... but I don't get to keep it.I don't know how the shit I'm going to deal with seeing him every day. Having class with him every day.It's funny (not in the ha ha sense but in the other way) that... my automatic thought when I starting thinking about class is... I'll go see Remus after, chat in the hall for a while. Maybe he'll smile at me.And then it hits me.Teenage angst has gone to an all new low, yay me. Not. Act out Sunday, August 22nd, 2004 3:48 pm - December 1, 1997 Late evening, Private entry I fucking hate this. I was talking to Remus and... it was nice. It's almost like we're actually becoming friends, real friends or at least... something. Anyway.And then it all went to hell.Scabbars Pettigrew is back at Hogwarts.And it was Albus Dumbledore who brought him here.Remus left, I don't blame him, and he called off all his classes, not that I went to any anyway, and I feel like such a shit for getting upset over this I mean, it's Remus, Remus and harry who... that one really hurt, not me.He slept in my bed he touched me he cuddled me I loved him oh fuck oh god...He owled me back, for us to talk, and stuff. I want to, wanted to, but he wasn't in his office and I don't know where his rooms are. I'm going to go see if I can talk to him.I don't want to be alone. I don't want him to be alone with that current mood: blank Act out Saturday, August 21st, 2004 7:42 pm test 3 stayed after class :|||: Act out | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | 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